The following contains spoilers for Game of Thrones’ penultimate episode, “The Bells.”
Remember back when people were complaining about not enough characters dying in “The Long Night”? Well, congratulations friends, “The Bells” heard your request. How do you like them apples? Cersei Lannister met her end on Mother’s Day, much like her father did on Father’s Day before her. Jaime went with her, but not before getting in a dick fight with Euron and impaling the pirate in an appropriately Freudian (but totally ridiculous) fashion. Qyburn got his head bashed in, because there is some justice in the world, even when it’s the world of Game of Thrones. Cleganebowl finally went down and concluded with both brothers meeting a fiery end. Varys also got roasted—but, to be fair, Daenerys did warn him about what she would do if he started scheming behind her back, which is exactly what he did. But I digress. So long, my favorite gossip-monger. May you and your old pal Petyr scheme forevermore in the afterlife.
In other news, Daenerys heard the bells and went full Mad Queen, Jaime Lannister tossed eight seasons of character growth out the window like it was Bran Stark, and the Golden Company proved to be even more pointless than anticipated, but hey, at least Arya Stark still has a compelling and narratively fulfilling character arc going. There’s still one more episode to botch the landing, though, so we’ll see. On the bright side, there was some great cinematography and Ramin Djawadi, the hero Westeros deserves and the one it needs right now, continued to outdo himself as far as the music is concerned. So in sum: happy eyes, happy ears, decidedly underwhelmed brain.
And now, without further ado, the highlights of the last big battle, and penultimate ever episode, of Game of Thrones:
The Lannister Brothers Say Goodbye
Tyrion’s “why don’t you and Cersei row to Pentos” plan holds about as much water as a sieve and in general this episode’s insistence on treating Cersei sympathetically—seriously Tyrion have you forgotten season 4?!—is a little irksome, but Tyrion and Jaime “the stupidest” Lannister’s final farewell rings with compelling emotional truth, and at the end of the day that’s the most important thing.
The Beat Kicks In
No matter what your thoughts are on this season of Game of Thrones, you can agree that the music slaps, because that’s just a simple fact. Ramin Djawadi is a gift, and as usual, he brought his A-game this season. And as King’s Landing prepares for battle, with the Scorpion bolts loaded and aimed and panicked citizens running for cover, a thumping beat kicks in, and I’m not so sure what it says about me that I can totally imagine rocking out to this tune at a club, but I definitely can, because it’s a total bop in all its ominous glory. IT’S TIME, Y’ALL. GET HYPE.