‘Home Alone with Blood’ Gives the Family Classic a Gory Update

The feel-good movie of 1991 is the best horror film of 2017.

The feel-good movie of 1991 is the best horror film of 2017.

Kevin McAllister, the “hero” of Home Alone, is a sick f*ck. Sure, he’s being set upon by burglars, but still, his first impulse is to come up with a variety of ways to hurt and possibly (hopefully?) kill them. He’s like Jigsaw in-training, the kind of kid who’d give young Dexter the willies, and a more cunning and thus eviler twin of that sick f*ck Macauley Culkin played in The Good Son. Seriously, don’t let the film’s comedic context fool you, Kevin’s a psycho.

Don’t believe me? Check out the five clips below from YouTuber BitMassive that take scenes from Home Alone and Home Alone 2 and make one little tweak to them: adding blood. Suddenly these scenes aren’t so funny, and the fact that Kevin thinks they are outs him as an inhuman beast wearing the skin of an adorable human boy.

Side note: these scenes set the stage perfectly for Home Alone: Homecoming, a horror-centric reboot of the franchise in which Kevin (Macauley Culkin in his triumphant return to major motion pictures), now in his early 30s, escapes from a mental ward and returns to Chicago, sneaks into his childhood home at night and nails all the doors and windows shut then systematically hunts down the large family gathered there for the holidays. Spoiler alert: the cops find Mrs. McAllister and bring her to the scene to try and talk Kevin down, but he kills her by tossing that ugly-ass lawn jockey from the roof. I’m telling you, this thing writes itself. Until then, enjoy these, you filthy animal.

H. Perry Horton: Novelist, Screenwriter, Video Essayist