This article was co-written with Ciara Wardlow
So, a status update on our predictions from last week’s episode: we were right about the sex. We were wrong about who had the sex. We did say only death would stop the good ship Gendrya from sailing, so full marks on that front. It just set sail a whole lot sooner than we had anticipated. But you know what, we’re on board. Arya got her brand new flippy weapon, as we predicted. Jaime’s ass was saved by the bell (read: impending doom), as we said it would be—and Brienne came through with an assist. And no, our favorite reformed Kingslayer and Tall Woman did not bonk, as we anticipated, but you know what, he knighted her and maybe that’s what sex is for them. Who are we to judge? Also, Jamie did not push Bran in his wheelchair, which was a big ole missed opportunity for a bit eight seasons in the making.
As suspected, Daenerys was less concerned with the revelation that she’s been fucking her nephew, than this new contender for the Iron Throne. The Former Crow Bros had a group hug—or they would have if Tormund hadn’t come in hot from left field. Ah, Tormund, don’t you ever change. Jorah and Lyanna Mormont finally got a scene together, and Theon reunited with the Starks and effectively confirmed he’s going to die doing a heroism. So checkmate on that front. Oh, also Ghost finally showed up. He didn’t do anything, but hey, he’s alive!
So, we’ve made it through the calm before the storm. It was a grand old time, but now, the shit is about to hitteth the high fantasy fan in the longest episode in Game of Thrones history. Here’s what we’re expecting:
THE NIGHT IS DARK AND FULL OF SPOILERS IF WE’VE DONE OUR JOBS WELL. DON’T BE LIKE JON. DON’T GET CAUGHT OFF GUARD.
The Night King will have a trick up his presumably icy sleeve.
The final shot of “A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms” features the White Walkers leading the army of the dead to Winterfell, but their leader and his zombie-dragon are notably MIA, which is suspicious. We do not know much about the Night King, but we do know he loves a good gag. So we anticipate shenanigans. Maybe some more wall art. Who knows?
Melisandre might show up.
She said she would return to Westeros one last time, and she’s the one who’s been hyping a great battle against the darkness since like, season 2. With the battle quite literally about start and everyone’s (least) favorite Red Lady yet to make her grand re-entrance, we can’t help but anticipate a swooping assist. We know she popped off to Volantis to pick up the army of red priests, so maybe she’ll arrive at a time of need? Would that be too Helms Deep-y? Just enough Helms Deep-y? Would the Tolkien estate sue for plagiarism? Either way, unless she’s planning a return during the battle of the two queens, Melisandre better step on it because she’s about to miss the big show.
Maybe if Tyrion’s dead he’ll march down to King’s Landing and tear Cersei apart?
Goes against our lovely theory about Jamie fulfilling Maggy the Frog’s prophecy but hey anything goes.
The Crypts will not be safe, y’all.
First of all, people brought up waiting out the battle in the safety of the crypts like at least 5 times last week, which absolutely means something bad is gonna happen down there. What could “something bad” be? Well, how about, THE CRYPTS ARE FULL OF DEAD PEOPLE. And the Night King reanimates the dead. So there’s potentially some room for concern there. Thank god that (1) brave child is down there to defend them.
A Direwolf will do a thing.
Ghost. Buddy. Long time, no see. And yet, while we caught a glimpse of Ghost last week, it was really just a glimpse. He still hasn’t actually done anything in a long white. And how about Nymeria—remember Nymeria? Brief cameo last season? Maybe, like we predicted back in our first pre-season fan theory roundup, Nymeria will come through with a pack of reinforcements. …We just really want some direwolf content, okay?
Daenerys and Sansa will be united in the grief when Jon dies, securing the North’s independence
The “what happens to the North after this all blows over” question buzzkilled Sansa and Daenerys’ bonding over how much they care about Jon. And with our tinfoil “Jon dies at Winterfell” hats good and polished, we’d bet anything that his death brings them together on the issue of the fate of the North.
- Grey Worm: Talking about your future is literally the most surefire way to guarantee you won’t have one. Them’s the rules. He’s like a cop proudly declaring that today’s his last day before retirement. Spoiler alert: he doesn’t live to retire.
- Theon Greyjoy: We said it last time and we’ll say it again: Theon’s gonna die doing a heroism. His character has come a hell of a long way since we first met him, but his epic journey is definitely about to end for our soggy redemptive boy.
- Tormund Giantsbane: Tormund gave us backstory in episode 2, which is nearly as foreboding as talking about your future plans (see: Yoren, Barristan Selmy).
- Beric Dondarrion: The Red God or whatever has brought Beric back from the dead a whole lotta times now, and considering the Red God and his crew all have that thing about night and death, seems like Beric’s being set up for something big in Winterfell’s upcoming showdown. Also, at least one of the crusty old curmudgeons has to die, and Sandor has greater plot relevance for things going on down at King’s Landing. Sorry, Beric.
- Bran Stark: Sure, we know the stakes of having Westeros’ Bran-shaped hard drive wiped are high and shitty but what if Westeros just tried turning it off and turning it back on again?
- Podrick Payne: In terms of secondary characters whose deaths would fuck us up Pod is right at the top. He’s sung his swan song. He’s going to die being too damn loyal for his own good.
- Jorah Mormont. Dude is built to sacrifice himself heroically for someone. Probably Daenrerys, though the fierce kiddo Lyanna Mormont (who is, as mentioned, still ultimately a kiddo) is also a long-shot candidate.
All Eyes on Sers Jamie and Brienne
Where is this going? Well we’re still pretty sure Jamie’s going to cheese it fufilling the “strangle Cersei” prophecy, we really, really hope nothing bad happens to Brienne at the Winterfell standoff. There are a litany of dedicated boys (Pod, Tormund, etc.) that would fling themselves in front of her to protect her, and honestly, we’re right there with them. The two Sers need to bonk and be in love more so that Jamie’s death is all the more tragic. We don’t see either of them dying as Winterfell.
The Safe(ish) Zone
- Arya Stark and Gendry: Here’s the thing, the “I don’t want to die a virgin” sex may seem ominous on the surface, but there are two things suggesting they’re okay for the time being. The first is that Melisandre told Arya they would meet again, and as mentioned, the Red Witch is still AWOL so until that happens she’s probably good. The second is that Joe Dempsie is interviewed in the ”Winterfell” behind-the-scenes featurette wearing a costume we have not seen him wear yet, so unless he’s about to rock a brand new doublet to take on the Army of the Dead, he’s going to be sticking around for at least a little while longer. So if Gendry shows up in the outfit pictured below or Melisandre has a chat with Arya, then you can panic. Until then, gotta love that plot armor.
- Sandor Clegane: He and Sansa haven’t had a scene together yet, and their dynamic was too popular in the show for that not to happen before he dies. Also, Cleganebowl.
- Sansa Stark: See above.
Weapons that must be important will come into play
- Jorah Gets Valyrian Steel: Jorah has acquired a hero weapon capable of doing serious white walker damage. While we doubt that Jorah will do anything important as kill the Night King, we do think he will be granted a big hero moment. Saving someone important? Daenerys? Maybe?
- Arya’s New Spear: it flips, it spins, it detaches. So much functionality, but what is its function? We’ve seen from the preview that Arya is running from something in the crypts next episode (please be zombie Ned…please be zombie Ned), so maybe she’ll use her new toy to fend off the crypt zombies? She loves close quarters combat!
And finally, there remains no proof that Varys isn’t a merman
Nope. Still none.