Rob Zombie’s newest abortion horror film, Halloween 2, hits theaters today but he’s already deciding what to screw with next. A third Halloween perhaps? An original horror film? A movie with real characters instead of white-trash caricatures? What’s a shtick-rocker turned shit-director to do?
The answer is remake The Blob of course…
Zombie has signed a deal to write and direct a remake of The Blob with funding already in place for a $30 million, R-rated flick. The story follows a big blobby thing from space that kills everyone it comes in contact with while growing at an alarming rate. There have been two versions of the film already with the original coming out in 1958 starring Steve McQueen. Director Chuck Russell remade it in 1988 with the McQueen of his generation, Kevin Dillon. Neither version is a truly great film, but both are fun and entertaining. I don’t expect the same to be said of Zombie’s inevitable stinker. But don’t take my negativity at face value…
My intention is not to have a big red blobby thing – that’s the first thing I want to change,” Zombie said with a straight face. “That gigantic Jello-looking thing might have been scary to audiences in the 1950s, but people would laugh now. I’d been looking to break out of the horror genre, and this really is a science fiction movie about a thing from outer space,” Zombie said, barely stifling a giggle. “I intend to make it scary, and the great thing is I have the freedom once again to take it in any crazy direction I want to.”
Seriously? So Rob Zombie’s The Blob won’t have a blobby thing? Because, maybe it’s just me, but that kind of seems like the definition of the title. I can see it now… a gelatinous cube with a mullet sits and wiggles in the corner of a trailer home as his mother, played by Sheri Moon Zombie, berates and insults him for being an unfuckable square. The abuse continues for years until the morning he wakes to find her cutting his father into Jello shots… he snaps, well he wobbles anyway, and kills her before heading into town on a rampage…
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Related Topics: Remakes
