Welcome to the last Reject Report of the summer season. Actually, I kind of don’t care this week, and from the sounds of it, neither do you. You’re looking at these offerings this weekend and you are ready to throw up your arms and say in vain the words “Jesus Christ!” (Just kidding. Actually, Jesus does make an appearance this weekend, in Hamlet 2.) I just don’t feel the love for these new flicks rolling out wide this Labor Day holiday: Disaster Movie, Babylon A.D., College, and Traitor.
I don’t plan to spend much time this week on these flicks. I’m going to preview them and give a 4-day Labor Day prediction, and then I’ll give my thoughts on when The Dark Knight will hit $500 million and get it all out of the way. Let’s face it, the summer movie party is pretty much over and I want to go back to watching these politicians rant and rave on TV.
We begin with two flicks that rolled out wide on Wednesday. And yes, I didn’t feel like doing any kind of special Tuesday edition of the Reject Report again, predicting these early releases. The truth is I didn’t feel like wasting my time doing any early predictions because I knew no one beyond friends and relatives cares about these two Wednesday wide releases this week.
I might as well start with Hamlet 2, which has already been in limited release but is now on over 1,500 screens. It stars Steve Coogan, Catherine Keener, Amy Poehler, David Arquette, and Elisabeth Shue as herself. It’s about this ex-actor turned teacher who convinces his high school in Tucson, Arizona to put on an over-the-top sequel to “Hamlet”, complete with Jesus Christ.
Fun stuff. I dunno, though, if it is winning stuff at the theaters. This looks like one of those movies that will attract a devoted audience of movie die-hards, so I say $5 million is likely over the four-day weekend.
Next is Traitor, which also rolled out Wednesday on over 2,000 screens. Good news: it’s an action movie starring Don Cheadle and Guy Pearce! And if there is one thing we have not had a lot of lately, it’s action movies. According to the plot synopsis at IMDB: “A special operative working with a terrorist group becomes the target of the CIA.” So that’s what we’re looking at here.
Again, I dunno if this one is going to attract a lot of people. Seems like this is a warm-up to James Bond, but not something likely to carry a James Bond-sized audience. $7 million is my bet.
Now to the movies that roll out Friday. We’ll start with Disaster Movie, which is cut right out of the Scary Movie/Epic Movie/Meet the Spartans cloth. This flick features a bunch of young people bombarded by every natural disaster imaginable, as this movie spoofs every movie imaginable playing at your local cineplex. They go after flicks ranging from Indiana Jones to Wanted, to Sex and the City to Iron Man. And guess who’s in it? You guessed it: my favorite woman Carmen Electra. Now, I gotta say, I like Carmen Electra. I think she is truly the hottest babe ever. But man oh man, has she ever appeared in a lot of total, utter schlock going back to the “Baywatch” days. Still, these Disaster Movie-type efforts make “Baywatch” look like the works of Shakespeare or someone like that. In this flick Electra is paired up with Kim Kardashian in an amusing wrestling/catfight scene. Matt Lanter, Vanessa Minnillo and other folks star in this one.
I am SORRY, but this one looks like yet another witless piece of JUNK. It will get some customers though — not a lot, mind you, but some. I say $13 million over the long weekend for Disaster Movie.
Next up is College, which rolls out on over 2,100 screens. It’s about these three high schoolers who visit a college campus and get a sneak peak into what is in store for them as freshmen. It stars Drake Bell, Andrew Caldwell, and Andree Moss.
It’s rated R and has all the nudity and language and so forth, so I don’t know how many high schoolers will be there at the movie. Again, not looking very exciting; looks like a rehash of Animal House to me. $9 million is my guess here.
Finally, we have Babylon A.D. which rolls out on the most screens of any new movie this weekend, over 3,200. It’s a sci-fi movie directed by Mathieu Kassovitz that stars Vin Diesel. Diesel plays a mercenary named Toorop who escorts a woman named Aurora to New York City. It turns out this is no routine job: turns out she is bringing with her an organism that has the potential to become the next Messiah. And you can imagine what happens: everyone wants this organism for themselves. Michelle Yeoh and Mélanie Thierry also star.
This looks to me to be the most interesting of the new weekend releases. The one thing I’ve noticed is that we haven’t had much in the way of science fiction this summer save for that Star Wars animated movie and that WALL-E animated movie. There’s been little in the way of live-action stuff. Anyway, I am predicting something in the neighborhood of $17 million for the four-day weekend.
So there you go. Like I say, I am unenthusiastic about the latest movies, and I know for sure the folks out there are similarly unenthused. We haven’t been hearing tons of hype on the fan sites for these flicks, so I predict a very modest box office this Labor Day weekend. Here’s my four-day forecast.
|1. Babylon A.D.||$17 million|
|2. Tropic Thunder||$14 million|
|3. Disaster Movie||$13 million|
|4. The Dark Knight||$9.7 million|
|5. The House Bunny||$9.5 million|
|6. College||$9 million|
|7. Death Race||$8 million|
|8. Traitor||$7 million|
|9. Hamlet 2||$5 million|
|10. Star Wars: The Clone Wars||$3.5 million|
Final word, now, about what’s ahead for The Dark Knight, which as everyone knows has set one record after another and is due to set one more when it hits $500 million, likely sometime this weekend. It will be only the second movie in history to do $500 million in domestic business; the only other one is of course Titanic. So watch out for that, too, folks.
That’s pretty much it! Forgive me for rushing through these things but I am as anxious to get the Labor Day weekend rolling as you all are. Enjoy watching the political conventions, the Jerry Lewis Telethon and any movies you happen to see. I’ll see you again at long weekend’s end when we count the loot here at the Reject Report.
(Editor’s Note – We published this bad boy earlier and Word Press sneakily changed the numbers on us. Clearly, Word Press has its doubts about Babylon A.D.’s true earning potential.)