It’s a brand new world out there, and yes, of course I’m talking about the arrival of Quibi. We’ve already told you elsewhere on this site what exactly a Quibi is and how to watch it, but now it’s time to dig a little deeper and explore what — if anything — is worth watching on this new streaming service. To that end, I’ve watched all 26 of the quibis made available to press and found quibis to watch, quibis to avoid, quibis that’ll make you cry, quibis that’ll make you laugh, and more.
First, though, some caveats with the ranking. While many of the reality shows and shorts are complete in an “episode” or three, the Movies in Chapters will ultimately clock in at traditional film lengths anywhere from ninety to a hundred minutes or so. What that means, obviously, is that I’m judging the movies based on the limited number of episodes currently available. Could they end up being better or worse than their early quibis would suggest? Absolutely. And second, it’s clear that Quibi’s target audience for a lot of their programming are people who aren’t me and are instead in their teens and twenties. So if a quibi I’m dogging appeals to you please know that my opinion is just that, opinion.
Got it? Good. Now let’s get our quibi on with a ranked look at 26 quibis from worst to best!
26. Singled Out
Sassy singles. Daring DMs. Real deal breakers. Singled Out is back to help singles navigate the treacherous waters of dating in the digital age. Who will get stuck in the friend zone and who will be singled out?
MTV’s Singled Out was a bad show even in its original incarnation back in the 90s, and shortening it into quibis doesn’t make it any better. Well, at least this version doesn’t feature Chris Hardwick or Jenny McCarthy.
25. You Ain’t Got These
This is not a show about sneakers. It’s a show about sneaker culture. Fitting in. And belonging to something bigger than yourself. Best of all? Lena Waithe is in it.
I’m sure there are things I care less about, but when it comes to reality-based quibis, a quibi all about sneaker culture and the people who collect them is top of the list. Bottom of the list? I don’t care about sneakers, is what I’m saying. Lena Waithe hosts and explores the importance of sneakers in black American culture, and the second quibi focuses on Michael Jordan’s role in the phenomenon while the third is all about the hip hop connection, but it’s preaching to the choir and never gives an outsider reason to get excited.
Music has many masters. Some play instruments. Others computers. Some balance audio levels. Others balance minds. But they all play a critical part in making the artform sing.
What I said above about sneakers being something I just don’t care about? Lighting design at concerts and New Age therapists for nervous musicians come pretty damn close to that same level of indifference. Look, I’m happy people are employed, but that doesn’t mean I want to hear about their work day.
23. The Sauce
Who’s the best dance crew in the country? Viral dance sensations Ayo & Teo travel across America as teams battle head-to-head for a chance to take home $25,000.
Again, not for me, but even if I’m indifferent to dance offs it’s impossible not to respect the talent, effort, and moves on display here. I prefer something like Bring It On that pairs the performance with cattiness and character, but if you’re here strictly for the dance these quibis deliver. A grand prize of $25k feels a bit underwhelming, though, no?
22. Nikki Fre$h
Nicole Richie spreads her message of environmental love through her new musical persona, “Nikki Fre$h,” a trap music artist who makes eco-conscious choices while dropping sick beats and performing in over the top music videos.
Nicole Richie’s no stranger to faux-doc scripted within an inch of their life, but she’s come a long way since those five (!) seasons of The Simple Life alongside Paris Hilton. Her newest effort pretends to follow her shift from whatever she is now into being a successful trap artist (I admittedly had to Google this and still don’t know what it is) with merchandise and music videos. The latter end each quibi and feel like Richie’s attempts at channeling Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping (2016), but it should surprise no one that they don’t reach that level. While some bystanders during the totally real scenes appear legit the bulk of those here are clearly scripted “characters.” Is it entertaining? Eh, I assume someone somewhere will find some laughs.
21. SKRRT with Offset
Offset is a big fan of cars. His garage has over 30 sports and luxury cars. This series follows him as he joins his celebrity friends—like Cardi B, Lil Yachty, and Jay Leno —exploring all things cars.
Cars are cool in their variety, versatility, and excitement, and the tremendous number of shows about them are testament to their appeal. This new quibi comes from the producers of Top Gear and follows Offset as he explores the wild world that cars have to offer. From learning how to do stunts to checking out Jay Leno’s insane collection — he has a McLaren that he bought years ago for $800k, and someone recently offered him $17 million — there’s fun to be had here.