Essays · TV

The ‘Orphan Black’ Season Five Death Panic Index

Which clones will make it through the final season? Better yet, will any of them make it?
By  · Published on June 5th, 2017

Which clones will make it through the final season? Better yet, will any of them make it?

We’ve done it for Game of Thrones, we’ve done it for Suicide Squad. Now it’s time for the Death Panic Index to come to Clone Club. As Orphan Black enters its final season, we decided to gauge which of the Project Leda clones played (mostly) by Tatiana Maslany are most likely to die before the show ends. Tracking general anxiety for all the miscellaneous characters that show up and drop off during the sci-fi soap opera would be too much, so we’re staying within the same genes.

With a similar methodology of our past indices, we’ve decided to chart two factors: How Much We Want Them to Be Gone and How Likely They Are to Be Gone. Some clones suck. Some are in more danger than others. Further down, we’ll walk through every candidate individually.

  1. Tony Sawicki: The poorly-received and -written trans clone appeared for just one episode, barging in long enough to be a token and nowhere near enough to justify his existence. This is a double-edged sword as far as this index goes: the likelihood that he shows up again is very low and therefore so is the chance that he gets knocked off. But how wild would it be if he shows up as a major plot player in this last season? I’m sure the internet would be very pleased.
  2. Charlotte Bowles: They wouldn’t kill a little girl, right? Especially one who’s about the same age as protagonist Sarah Manning’s daughter and is the living embodiment of the show’s themes? I’m predicting this slightly too-sweet clone will be an important part of the final season all the way until the end.
  3. Alison Hendrix: If Mama Hendrix goes, so do I. This is the sentiment (among this particular fan, at least) surrounding suburban Alison, as she and husband Donnie venture into the wild with Helena to avoid the cops, the clone killers, and the rest of the general drama happening around them. Her secluded location makes survival seem almost assured.
  4. Krystal Goderitch: The newly added member of the Club is an idiot savant with this sort of drama, which means sticking her well-powdered nose in a variety of danger situations. The airheaded schtick is off-putting enough that I wouldn’t hate to see her go, but she’s also probably too one-note to kill – it just wouldn’t have any impact.
  5. Sarah Manning: The hero of the series has gone through a lot since assuming the identity of her clone that, right in front of her, committed suicide by train. There’s no way she dies (unless it’s at the very, very end as a martyr for her daughter) and she’s provided the closest thing to stability that this show has had, so it’s nice to have her around.
  6. Cosima Niehaus: Cosima has seemingly been dying for years in the show’s mythos. She’s got the genetic malady afflicting all of the clones the most intensely, which means most of her screentime over the past few seasons has either been sighing over her lost love or coughing blood into a hankie. I’m ready for both of those to end. Now that Delphine is caring for her, it’s unlikely they’ll end, but perhaps she will.
  7. Helena: Helena cannot be killed. This is one of the only things I’m sure of in this show’s canon. She’s been shot, stabbed, mechanically impregnated, blown up, and walked away from it all. She’s the bleach-blonde Eastern European Terminator we all need, but the fact that she runs into danger with machete at her side means that she’s more likely than not to be in mortal danger.
  8. MK/Mika: Mysterious hacker girl MK is basically like a knock-off Helena, only more of a plot device. She shows up, solves a problem with some computer terminology, then disappears into the nothingness. She’s been a large enough part of the last season that I can see her playing a large role in the final one, especially since she’s had enough screen time to be a gutpunch as well as expendable. That’s a TV writer’s perfect mix.
  9. Rachel Duncan: The consistent antagonist throughout much of the series, the traitor clone has assumed control over the shadowy Proletheans and killed her own mother. So obviously, she’s got to go. But honestly, she’s so deliciously evil that I’d love her to get away with it all. I’m predicting a very meaningful end for the most sexually-dominant clone, but I could watch her wreak havoc amongst groups of do-gooders for years to come.

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Jacob Oller writes everywhere (Vanity Fair, The Guardian, Playboy, FSR, Paste, etc.) about everything that matters (film, TV, video games, memes, life).