I don’t know about you, but where I live it is really hot in the summer. I step out of my front door, and I feel as if my apartment is about a stone’s throw away from Hell – like I’m about to live out the scene from Total Recall when Arnie’s mask breaks on Mars. I’ve already taken in enough of the Sun for the summer. It’s hot, it’s humid, it’s downright oppressive. If it’s hot where you live, and you’re tired of the summer Sun’s ‘warm glowing warming glow’, but you’re one of those people who still feels they haven’t got all they can out of summer and it’s relentless, unforgiving, soul-crushing heat, here are ten movies you can watch that’ll help keep you indoors.
In 1968 and 1969, the events surrounding the Zodiac Killer were enough to keep many Bay Area and Northern California residents indoors. David Fincher’s graphic depiction of the mysterious, masked murder who struck mostly couples is enough to scare many people from going outside today.
9. A Scanner Darkly
Richard Linklater’s rotoscoped adaptation of Philip K. Dick’s nightmarish vision of the future, where the two hemispheres of drugs and the government have fused into one, almost makes the viewer feel like they are on Substance D. Add in an Orwellian society that is constantly under surveillance, and it’s impossible not to get a little paranoid about going outside.
The second Fincher movie on this list is fiction, but is equally disturbing and frightening. The gritty detective story about the hotheaded, go-getting rookie, and the burnt-out, soon-to-retire veteran hunting a vicious serial killer whose victims are perpetrators of the Seven Deadly Sins leaves the viewer emotionally kicked in the gut. While the victims in the movie are the extreme epitomes of each sin, it creates a fear inside the viewer when they realize that, in one way or another, they too, are guilty of the sins.
7. The Birds
Alfred Hitchcock, the master of making you paranoid over the smallest things. The smallest things with talons. Now we can’t see a flock of the damn things without imagining they’re plotting to kill us, and it’s enough to keep us indoors.
6. Nineteen Eighty-Four
Orwell’s vision of a dystopian society constantly under the watchful eye of a totalitarian government is downright frightening. And thinking about it can send one deep into a rabbit hole of paranoia until you feel like you’re being watched at all times. And who knows? You just might be. The government probably already knows you’re reading FSR right now.
5. Night of the Living Dead
It’s tough to decide which zombie movie to mention on this list. Because the intention, and result, of most zombie movies is to do just that: scare you into being afraid to go outside. But Night of the Living Dead makes it on the list because, while it is not the first zombie movie, it is the first one to feature the modern zombie that George Romero created.
4. My Girl
It scared me when I was a kid, and it still scares me today. The thought of being killed by bee stings has scarred me thanks to My Girl, and I’m not even allergic to bee stings. Or cooties.
While staying inside the house may not curb the fear of the deadly spiders, since they kill outdoors, too, it’s best to play it safe by staying indoors. Going outside to mow the lawn, trim the hedges, or going to the shed in the backyard could result in being poisoned and devoured by eight-legged beasties. In fact, you should avoid household chores altogether.
Even without Ned Beatty’s pig-squealing rape scene, which is easily one of the most disturbing scenes in movie history, the horrifying chain of events that occur along the river in Deliverance is enough to scare anyone into not only forgoing any canoing trips, but avoiding camping completely.
The ultimate summer movie and the ultimate “Keep you Indoors” movie. When it was released in 1975, people were scared of going to the beach, even in areas that weren’t inhabited by sharks. Today, being in the ocean and even thinking about the attacks in Jaws will still make me uneasy.
So there you have it. If you are still harboring some foolish plans to get outside and break a sweat under those terrifying UVA and UVB rays, watch any one of these movies, and they’ll have you thinking twice. Make some popcorn, and stay inside where it’s safe.