The Master of Bayhem is gathering the might of six Batmen for his latest action extravaganza.
He’s done it. Finally. Michael Bay has pried himself away from the Transformers franchise, and he’s found his next cinematic landscape to carpet bomb with patented Bay ‘splosions. After toying around with Lobo (DC Comics’ space dolphin-loving weirdo) and contemplating the Robopocalypse, Bay will attack human decency on the home front.
According to The Hollywood Reporter, Bay and Ryan Reynolds have partnered to develop Six Underground for Netflix. Written by the sophomoric jokesters behind Deadpool 2, Paul Wernick and Rhett Reese, the film centers around six billionaires determined to take crime head-on after they fake their own deaths. Basically, they’re an A-Team of Batmen. Plus a heavy dose of rampant explosions, upskirt camera shots, and epic, dizzying tracking shots where “shit just got real.”
For all the garbage we direct towards Michael Bay, you cannot deny a presence of style. Pre-Transformers, most movie nerds were all-too-happy to praise the excessive brilliance of Maestro Bayhem. Does action cinema get much better than The Rock or Bad Boys II? Not really.
Popping up for air with Pain & Gain in 2013 revealed a director who still understood his place in the movie world. There is a film that embraces his grotesque testosterone and delivers a difficult-to-watch descent into American madness. Greed is good, and the Sun Gym Gang are the 21st century successors of Wall Street’s Gordon Gekko. With each horrendous laugh that escapes your mouth, Pain & Gain captures your complicity to Mark Wahlberg’s criminal actions.
The problem was Bay was just making too much damn money with Transformers, and we kept encouraging him with the billion-dollar box office. Thankfully, The Last Knight stumbled and the money tree wilted. Bay can now tend to other flowers in his garden.
Netflix is the perfect home for the director. While television fails to capture all the glory of a proper Bay ‘splosion, the streaming service offers a creative freedom not felt in other corners of the industry. Netflix has the money to let directors go nuts. Not simply content with acquiring Sundance indies, the company is ready to play with the Hollywood big dogs.
Adam Sandler was the beginning. While majority box office turned away from the one-time megastar, Netflix provided a chaotic playground for his fans. A recess from planet Earth where adults weren’t watching and didn’t care what inappropriate behavior was being perpetrated.
Netflix used Sandler as a welcome mat for a new wave of subscribers. Total global control is their endgame. Mr. Ayer, we want your Bright. Step right up, Marty. The Irishman belongs with us. We’ll take you too, Dave Chappelle, David Letterman, John Mulaney, and Ali Wong. Hold up, Barack and Michelle Obama need a place to create? If you want to stay hip to pop culture, you are practically forced into a Netflix subscription. You would be a fool not to jump on board.
At Netflix, Bay could spend the next 20 years burning through budgets, and no one would bat an eye. I’m not sure we’re ready to see the director let loose from his chain, but I’m fascinated by the prospect. Frankly, I’ll take anything that doesn’t require another retreading of Cybertronian history. Bring on the billionaire death squad.