Have no fear, internet. April Fool’s Day is over, and (probably since it fell on a Sunday) the laundry list of fake casting announcements and crap development deals was relatively short.
You can still check out our Print Edition of Film School Rejects, but here are a few good, bad and grotesque fakes that might need some clarification alongside a few geek products that should be real in a fair universe.
Taylor Lautner Was Not Cast in Ninja Turtles
The Pitch: The geeks over at Screen Rant tossed out this gem on top of a controversial week of Michael Bay opening his mouth too much regarding the alien nature of the new Ninja Turtles. Apparently, after irritating fans of the comic book series, the best move would be to hire that walking Ab Roller advertisement from the Twilight Movies. It was a gag guaranteed to raise temperatures of anyone who wasn’t reading close enough.
Believability: 2 out of 10
Should it be True? Hell no.
Spielburgers is Not a Real Restaurant
The Pitch: ‘Yer Gonna Need a Bigger Appetite’ is an excellent tagline for a Steven Spielberg-themed restaurant. So is, ‘Food You’ll Phone Home About.’ Spielburgers is an awesome idea, but it’s sadly not real. The menu is elaborate (I’ll have the Dr. Hammond Cheese) and the joke is ridiculously well-thought out. A little investigating shows that it’s the work of Steve Czarnecki and Studio 23 Productions. Why they did it is anyone’s guess, but it’s a good thing they did.
Believability: 4 out of 10
Should it Be True? Hell yes.
Ryan Gosling Was Not Cast in a Walt Disney Biopic
The Pitch: This one came from the annals of wishful thinking after a fan-made poster gained momentum and love. JoBlo capitalized nicely and even added Variety as the source of the story. Still, the old saying about things being too good to be true exists for a reason.
Believability: 0 out of 10
Should it be True? Probably.
The Criterion Collection is Not Releasing Kindergarten Cop
The Pitch: Never showing its hand, Criterion straight-faced a new release of the Ivan Reitman classic complete with a standard 3 Reasons video (one of the reasons was “The Pecs and the Poetry”). It’s pretty obvious that this one’s fake. It is right? Excellent job making the movie world second-guess itself. They must have read Brian’s Junkfood Cinema ode.
Believability: 8 out of 10 (mostly from the execution)
Should it be True? Absolutely.
The Star Wars Admiral Ackbar Singing Bass Isn’t Real
Believability: 3 out of 10
Should it be True? Probably, because everyone would buy one. Are you listening, Mr. Lucas?
George Takei Won’t Actually Be Playing the Lead Captain in a New Star Trek Movie
The Pitch: Takei announced boldly on his Facebook page that he (as Sulu) would be playing the Captain for a new movie called Excelsior. Casting the grandson of Khan was a smart move, but hiring on Gilbert Gottfried and Lisa Lampanelli was a bonehead move.
Believability: 1 out of 10
Should it be True? In theory, but with that cast?
James Cameron Isn’t Actually Going to Direct Prometheus 2
The Pitch: This one was by far the most damaging false story of all. It’s proof that the right combination of events can be disastrous. Massive ire/congratulations go out to the team at Worst Previews who originated this story, complete with a Source link back to Prometheus Forum (which opened an April Fool’s image). Apparently that image was too well-hidden because a ton of their commenters took the bait, as did a handful of other movie sites. However, the worst came when The Guardian picked up the story without properly attributing the source, and Deadline followed suit. It spread from there with the stamp of “reputable” outlets on it. Instead of denying that it’s completely fake, Deadline is now attributing the fake quotes to Cameron but claiming he made them in jest according to “insiders.”
Believability: Apparently 9 out of 10 (but come on, really?)
Should it be True? There’s an organic nature to it considering the way filmmakers team up now and the Alien history at work. Just see if David Fincher wants in for a third, please.
If there are any more, please share them in the comments section as a public service announcement.