John Carpenter and Nicolas Cage Are Going to Prison

Nicolas CageAnd it’s about time don’t you think?  Carpenter deserves it for taking the talent evidenced in The Fog and The Thing, and turning it into the steaming piles of fetid shit that were Village of the Damned and Ghosts of Mars.  And Cage?  I’d say “crimes against humanity” just about covers it…

The Hollywood Reporter says the two are in final negotiations to direct and star in Scared Straight.  The script follows a punk kid’s “incarceration” under the Scared Straight program that goes awry when a riot erupts in the prison.  Cage will play a lifer (presumably with a conscience) who finds himself forced into the role of reluctant hero when the troubled youth is taken hostage.  (Shades of Con Air me thinks.)  Joe Gazzam, of the upcoming 21 Jump Street film, wrote the initial screenplay, although it was apparently rewritten by Rob Brinkerhoff, the scribe of Sylvester Stallone’s direct to DVD classic, D-Tox.  So needless to say… Scared Straight looks to be a quality production from top to bottom.

I’m mean, I know, but remember when Carpenter kicked ass?  For a good film of his you have to go back thirteen years to In the Mouth of Madness… and that was borderline good.  For vintage Carpenter you have to rewind even further… twenty-two years ago he made his last great film, the kungfutastic action comedy Big Trouble in Little China.  And if ever there was a film in need of a sequel… Mr. Carpenter?  How about you toss Scared Straight back to it’s original director, Rob Cohen, and instead you concentrate on the return of Jack Burton and the Pork Chop Express?  Hmmm?  Who’s with me?

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