Is Tom Cruise Immortal?
In this first trailer for Jack Reacher: Never Go Back, he sure looks like he’ll outlive us all.
According to FSR’s crack research staff, Tom Cruise is about to turn 54-years-old on July 3. Even in this modern era where 50 is the new 40, that’s still about the time when one might start to take things a little slowly. Especially if you, like Cruise, are very wealthy and successful. Maybe you take fewer roles than you would in previous years, prioritizing the productions with the better craft services tables or the better on-location shoots (any movie that’s shooting in Hawaii, right?) For many an actor, mid-50s are a pre-retirement descent toward wearing floral shirts full-time.
But not for Tom Fucking Cruise.
Everything we see in this new trailer for Jack Reacher: Never Go Back runs contrary to this idea of winding down one’s career. He’s still threatening people, punching out car windows, hamming it up alongside actresses in their prime (like Cobie Smulders). None of this is a surprise, per se. Did you see Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation?
What’s more impressive, that Cruise is about to give us a second knock down drag-out Jack Reacher movie, or that he’s got more to come, including a Top Gun sequel, another Mission: Impossible, Doug Liman’s Mena, and the remake of The Mummy?
It all begs the question: is Tom Cruise immortal? Or is there some scientific advancement that is going to allow him to be fit and athletic forever? Maybe there is something to Scientology…
As of yet, our research staff has not yet uncovered any evidence that Tom Cruise was bitten by a vampire circa Mission: Impossible 3, but watching this trailer, it’s hard to imagine any other explanation.
I’m just saying.