Game of Thrones Final Season Forecast: ‘The Last of the Starks’ Edition

DEATH WATCH

Cersei

Will it be Jaime? Will it be Arya? Will it be, as that one fan theory goes, Arya wearing Jaime’s face? Could it be Tyrion? Hell, could it be Daenerys? We don’t know for sure, but even though Arya had a head start, our money is on Jaime—speaking of which…

Jamie

We’ve long held that the biggest thing left for Jaime’s character transformation was bonking someone who’s not Cersei (specifically, Brienne), and he’s done that now. So all that’s left is the big finish with that good ol’ “death = redemption” trope, with Jaime killing Cersei and losing his own life in the process. They came into this world together, and they’ll go out of this world together—and on Mother’s Day, too. How poetic.

The Mountain (i.e. CLEGANEBOWL)

This is not a drill. Repeat, this is not a drill. We got a taste of a Clegane vs. Clegane showdown all the way back in season 1 with “The Wolf and the Lion,” and we’ve been waiting for the main event ever since. Our foam fingers are ready. Our beer helmet’s full. It took eight seasons, but we’re finally here. The Hound vs. The Mountain is on the way, so get your foam fingers and blowhorns ready—it’s Cleganebowl time, and one way or the other, the Mountain is finally going to fall.

Sandor (i.e. POST-GAME CLEGANEBOWL)

Zombie Mountain is bound to do some serious damage and while we’re pretty sure Sandor will win the Bowl, he might not last long after that. Hey, who knows, maybe Arya will mercy kill him after he drops some edifying adopted-dad wisdom about not following in his footsteps.

The Rest of Cersei’s Squad

Look, we don’t know who is going to deal with the cartoon pirate and Maester Frankenstein, but somebody has to. Preferably, horribly? Euron Greyjoy and Qyburn have both earned it.

Grey Worm

He just watched the love of his life die, so yeah, he’s gonna flip a shit. We’re anticipating his sense of self-preservation will be like -5 after watching the embodiment of all his hopes and dreams get beheaded, so he’s definitely about to get himself killed, but we’re expecting him to go out with a bang. Maybe he’ll get a chance to say a few gut-punching words about going to be with Missandei on a warm beach in the afterlife, just to rub some extra salt on the wound.

MERMAN WATCH

Varys is still 100% definitely a merman

Please, with all that talk of the “realm”? Mer-Varys, or “Merys,” if you will, is totally confirmed. Yeah sure, he didn’t look too happy about getting thrown into the ocean after Euron wrecked Daenerys’s fleet (again), but you know what, it’s all part of the act. Wouldn’t want to make people suspicious. YOU CAN’T TAKE THIS FROM US, OKAY?

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Meg Shields: @TheWorstNun Burgeoning wine mom and talented napper. Secretly just three toddlers in a trenchcoat.