This article was co-written with Ciara Wardlow
So, we were pretty on the money last time. Cersei was definitely up to off-screen shenanigans. Bronn showed up in Winterfell feeling really cranky—seriously, what happened to the guards?!—but still, he didn’t shoot anybody so that’s something. Gendry got legitimized (Daenerys took the news much better than we’d anticipated). There was no surprise wedding, but there was a lot of wedding talk and a surprise proposal from the newly minted Baratheon lord—that was promptly shot down. Then again, considering the show’s track record with weddings, Arya might have very well saved his life by breaking his heart, but nonetheless. Ouch.
Jorah didn’t get a special funeral, but he was the only corpse to feature in the opening credits, so we’re taking that to the iron bank. Arya and Daenerys still haven’t actually talked, but Daenerys did give Arya a special shoutout in her toast for saving the world, so at least there’s that. Yara dealt with the Iron Islands off-screen, but deal with them she did. Brienne/Jaime happened. Neither Tormund nor Podrick got plotlines, but they’re both still alive somehow. Sandor and Sansa had a moment, meaning he’s officially all set to go out with a bang in the CleganeBowl, which is absolutely, definitely happening. We’ve only been waiting 8 seasons for this.
We remained on our toes with an unexpected end for Missandei, a surprise Starbucks cameo, and Gendry forgetting his own goddamn name (you’re from Flea Bottom, which makes you Gendry Waters. Seriously mate, get your shit together). With that, there’s plenty of predictions to be had yet again, so buckle up, settle in, and don’t forget your horns of wine (or milk if you’re feeling freaky).
THE NIGHT IS DARK AND FULL OF SPOILERS IF WE’VE DONE OUR JOBS RIGHT.
Davos will do a thing
We didn’t hear too much from Ser Onion Knight last week, and it feels like he’s sticking around to serve some sort of purpose. Earlier in the season, he was definitely one of the more pro-Daenerys members of Jon Snow’s team, and we haven’t really seen him weigh in on the situation since the dragon queen’s own advisors started getting cold feet. Davos has always been a voice of reason in Game of Thrones, and the show could seriously use one of those right now. (AKA help them, Davos Seaworth, you’re their only hope)
Brienne and Gendry will team up to rescue the self-sacrificial warrior idiots they love
Okay so we’re pretty sure this is not going to happen, but it should happen. And if we all wish hard enough maybe we can The Secret this thing.
Nymeria’s pack will come in clutch
A direwolf has got to do something this season. Right? RIGHT? And since Ghost (who’s a very good boy) was left behind in Winterfell without pats, we’re banking on Nymeria and her wolfpack coming to the rescue next episode. Hopefully. Please. Pretty please with cherries on top. Maybe Jon gets intercepted in the woods or something. We’ll take anything!
Varys will use his fast-travel superpower to alert the whisper network to Jon’s claim
Varys shuffled away after his pro-dick talk with dissent on his mind and the Realm in his heart. We’ve seen him bend the rules of time and space before and given we have (checks watch) absolutely no fucking time left in this season, we expect the whisper network to activate very, very fast.
Syrio will return
Okay look, everything’s coming up Arya these days so maybe that oldie-but-goodie rumor about Syrio showing up again will come true. Maybe he comes back to check her callous, kill-machine ways at a time of need. We’re pulling at straws here, folks.
Rhaegal’s death will turn out to be prophetic
So we asked some people we know who studied English in college, and they suggested that if Rhaegal’s death means anything other than “Daenerys really should have listened to Sansa,” it’s probably A) reflective of Jon’s rejection of his Targaryen heritage, B) foreshadowing that Jon’s going to die, or C) both of the above. If it is both of the above, though, it does beg the question of who’s actually going to end up on the Iron Throne, considering all of Daenerys’s biggest supporters are dead and her advisors are about to jump ship.
Maybe we will find out who the fuck the Dornish prince is?
Last we checked, there wasn’t anybody left alive in Dorne? So, like… who the hell is this dude, and where has he been this whole time?
Someone will remember that Yara’s fleet exists
Look, let’s be real, who among us wouldn’t ride out this shitstorm on a private island? But as Daenerys continues to imprudently throw her forces into a meatgrinder expecting results, the good guys are going to need a bigger boat, so to speak. Or maybe just a lot of medium-sized ones. To take on Euron.
We’ll find out we all live in the eye of a blue-eyed giant named Macumber (or Bran Stark)
Honestly, with the way the plot is going as of the last episode, we wouldn’t actually be all that surprised if this one comes true. Chaos reigns if that crack theory about all of Game of Thrones being the fever dream of a newly defenestrated Bran Stark actually ends up being true.
Republic of Thrones
Notice how a lot of folks don’t really want to be the One Big Dumb Ruler? Especially the competent ones? Monarchy hasn’t exactly gone that well in Westeros, and maybe the most satisfying ending of all would be a completely different political system where thrones don’t matter. This would, of course, require the two power players horniest for throne-sitting to either pivot or die. We can’t really see Daenerys being into the idea of compromise and consensus.
Alternatively: King Jon Snow
Jon Snow’s entire narrative has revolved around him receiving leadership roles and promotions he didn’t even ask for (Lord Commander, King in the North), so why stop now? Nope, Jon Snow is going to fail and flail his way right to the top.