Fox Calls Sloppy Seconds With ‘Romancing the Stone’ Remake

Romancing the Stone

Romancing the Stone is a great movie.  It’s unassuming and the fun sneaks up on you.  Start watching even today and before long you realize that you’re really enjoying the adventure, the comedy, and the interactions between Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner, and Danny DeVito.  And yet the sequel, Jewel of the Nile, which reunited all three stars, sucked crocodile balls.

Fox is hoping to recreate the magic with a remake of Romancing the Stone, and have tapped Daniel McDermott to write it.  So what does this tell us?  Besides the obvious that Hollywood is brain-dead I mean.  McDermott co-wrote the recent hit, Eagle Eye, so immediately I expect the adventures of Jack Colton and Joan Wilder to be both highly implausible and filled to the brim with unnecessary CGI.  I’m probably being unfair, but damnit, Hollywood started this fight with their endless remakes…

Romancing the Stoneis about a mousy romance writer whose sister is kidnapped in the untamed wilds of Columbia.  She sets out to find her sibling, and meets a snarky (and occasionally inept) soldier-of-fortune named Jack Colton.  The duo bicker, search for treasure, have a dangerous adventure, and of course, fall in love along the way.

So who would star in a remake?  Gerard Butler and Diane Lane?  No, the studio will probably want to aim younger.  (Plus, Butler recently did a slightly similar role in Nim’s Island.)  Nathan Fillion and Natalie Portman?  No, that pairing would never happen no matter how much I wish for it.  So I’m going to guess Shia LaBeouf and Kristen Bell.  LaBeouf already has experience swinging from trees…

Who should star in the remake?

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