Eli Roth Remakes Himself in PG-13

Eli Roth

Tired of just remaking Hostel over and over again, mediocre film talent Eli Roth has decided to stop bitching for a few weeks and make a PG-13 movie. After low box office returns sent him into a temper tantrum, Eli decided he had pushed the boundaries of the R-Rated film as far as they could possibly go, so he figured the next big step was “total chaos and pandemonium” in a big budget PG-13 film.

In a quote that seems completely made up, Eli had this to say:

“Everyone I know has been saying ‘When are you gonna do a movie my kids can see?’ And finally, I’m gonna make a movie that 13-year-old kids can see.”

It’s worth noting that Roth said he would be shopping this upcoming project to major studios. Shopping. Meaning this is obviously uncertain. And so is it’s budget. The Cabin Fever director plans to reveal more details next month, so hopefully we can all hold our breath till then.

If you sense some hostility in this article, you could probably easily trace it back to after Hostel 2 underperformed at the box office, and Eli Roth went on a crying temper tantrum and blamed 17 year old pirates for ruining ticket sales. He then said on his myspace page that he was done with horror. I assume he also threw his bottle across the room, stamped his little baby feet, cried a little, and then poo’d in his diapy.

Color me completely unexcited about this announcement. This is what happens, Eli, when you urinate on your fans and blame them for your subpar, overdone, unimaginative sequel tanking. I, for one, won’t pay to see anything Roth does again, barring some sort of apology to his fans and 17 year old pirates everywhere.

Source: Yahoo! Movies