‘Disaster Movie’ Is, Well, A Disaster

Kim Kardashian and Vanessa Minnillo are the only saving graces of Disaster Movie

Just as we saw the collapse of torture porn in 2007, we are very likely seeing the collapse of the spoof movie in 2008.

On one hand, it’s a shame. I like a good spoof movie. Mel Brooks did several in the 70s and 80s. The ZAZ crew gave us Airplane! and Top Secret. Keenan Ivory Wayans jump-started the trend most recently with Scary Movie.

Then those blasted two of the six writers of Scary Movie Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer – got a few hits. And what was once a clever and fun genre has turned into a trough of utter crap.

Now, their latest film – quite possibly the most accurately named film of all time – is Disaster Movie.

Here is the point in the review where I normally summarize the plot over a few paragraphs. However, with Disaster Movie, there is no plot. Rather, it’s a hodge-podge of pop culture references thrown onto the screen. Few of these jokes are remotely funny, and even fewer actually make you laugh, although I will admit to giggling a few times in the film.

However, most of the film is excruciating to endure. I actually watched about a dozen people walk out of the theater half-way through… and it was a free screening.

From poop jokes to Jessica Simpson, nothing is sacred. Friedberg and Seltzer continue to explain their jokes on the screen, in case the audience is too stupid to know who Dr. Phil or Hannah Montana is. Of course, this makes sense considering they use the same four actors to play most of the celebrities with impersonations so poor they wouldn’t make it on the MADtv reject list.

Sadly, Friedberg and Seltzer (whom I like to refer to as the directorial Antichrists) continue to get funding. And the funding comes in so fast that they don’t have enough material to fill their short 90-minute running time. We are left with gags that go on waaaaaaaaay too long, like the six-minute High School Musical dance number with only slightly naughty lyrics, or a saber-toothed Amy Winehouse belching for a good 60 seconds or more.

It’s sad when a movie is so bad, it becomes the subject of late-night debates on whether it’s better or worse than Uwe Boll’s Postal.

Seriously, the only saving grace of this film is that the directors had the decency to put hot chicks in front of the camera. Carmen Electra (who is looking a bit long in the tooth, mind you) does her due diligence with a wrestling/Twister sequence with Kim Kardashian. And the fact that Kardashian in her screen debut (well, the big screen at least) has the good sense to wear a shirt with a plunging neckline so we can stare at her cleavage for a chunk of the movie is also a welcome surprise.

And rounding off the hottie list is Vanessa Minnillo, who plays the female lead. She definitely makes at least part of the movie very watchable.

THE UPSIDE: Kim Kardashian’s boobs.

THE DOWNSIDE: Everything else.

ON THE SIDE: A title like Disaster Movie is as random as the jokes herein. This could have been called Epic Movie II, Meet the Cloverfield Monster or It’s Better Than Genital Warts and been as relevant.

Grade: D

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