‘Conan The Barbarian’ Gets Guy You’ve Never Heard of to Direct


Yeah, I get it. I should memorize everyone’s name that’s ever been the assistant foley on an indie production, so not knowing a director’s name that’s actually done a few films means I’m terrible at my job. Which is true. I’ve never pretended to be good at what I do. After all, my true calling is as a pro bass fisherman, and if I could pay the rent in gamefish i would. In a heartbeat.

And, honestly, who here would have perked up instantly if I had written “Marcus Nispel to Direct ‘Conan'” instead of what I titled this?

Put your hand down. Yes, you in the back. Because you’re a liar.

But, yes, for the record, CHUD is reporting that Marcus Nispel is going to be the director for the remake that has yet to find a main actor but wants production to start ASAP.

The only reason I don’t know Marcus Nispel’s name, aside from being awful at what I do, is that he’s only done music videos and compilations, as well as two forays into the horror world with the remakes of both The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Friday the 13th. Oh, and he made Pathfinder which I can only assume is the true sales pitch his team made for him helming something like Conan The Barbarian.

Otherwise, I don’t see how music videos + horror remakes = ancient warrior action flick.

So now we get the true test of fan reactions. A little while ago when Brett Ratner was announced as the director for this project, people almost called their congressmen to get it stopped. Now we have a little-known horror remake specialist who made a not-very-well-received action film about a viking warrior. Yet, I’d be willing to wager that there won’t be the same outcry.

My question is – is this guy really all that better?

And I genuinely don’t know. That wasn’t rhetorical. The only thing I have to go on is Rob Hunter calling that Nispel would be chosen simply because he makes poor to mediocre movies. Cynicism wins the day again!

What do you think?

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