‘Capitalism: A Love Story’ Features Fat Person, Money

by Bethany Perryman

Michael Moore is recession-proof.

Whether you love him or hate him, Michael Moore is making more money than you. He’s also winning more Oscars than you. And unless your name rhymes with Blowy Leftnut, there’s a slight chance that he’s eating more hot dogs than you.

In an announcement on Wednesday, we’ve learned that Michael Moore’s latest documentary – set to be released on October 2nd – will be titled Capitalism: A Love Story. You demanded, he supplied.

“It will be the perfect date movie,” Moore said in an announcement Wednesday. “It’s got it all – lust, passion, romance and 14,000 jobs being eliminated every day. It’s a forbidden love, one that dare not speak its name. Heck, let’s just say it: It’s capitalism.”

The film is an exploration of the recent American financial crisis, which Moore calls “the biggest swindle in American history.” Biggest swindle? Me, my Branson, Missouri souvenir thimble collection, and my five Snuggies beg to differ, Michael.

What do you think, you dirty commie? Are Michael Moore and Julianne Moore related or what?