Bob Weinstein Needs Cash, Promises to Make Terrible Films

by Bethany Perryman

bob-weinstein

I just read a little post over at Variety, and I feel like I need a shower. And not in the good way. This post is not for the faint of heart or loin.

Bob Weinstein must be insane. Or broke. Or insanely broke. Weinstein unveiled a new slate for Dimension Films, but the problem is ‐ there’s nothing new here. There’s only terrible, terrible ideas. “I’m going back to doing what I do best,” Weinstein says. But I’m not exactly sure what it is that he does best. Unless, of course, he’s talking about giving me reason to gouge out my eyes and never see another movie, ever again.

Dimension will being filming Scream 4, which will star Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox, and her badly dressed wife, David Arquette. As Weinstein says that rebooting this franchise will net another Scream trilogy, I can only assume that we’re looking at something along the lines of Scream IV: A New Hope. Wes Craven will direct. I’m already scared.

And if that weren’t bad enough, Dimension and Disney ‐ our least favorite kind of DD ‐ are partnering to have Robert Rodriguez write and direct Spy Kids 4, which will shoot in three whole dimensions. Dimension also hopes to shoot Halloween III in enough time to release it for 2010’s October holiday. But Dimension’s big reveal? They’re remaking Children of the Corn. And just in the nick of time. I was getting afraid that the people would take to the streets for want of a Children of the Corn remake. Thanks, Bob Weinstein. You’re our savior.

And if all of this doesn’t offend enough? Says Weinstein, “I’m heading back to my franchise films,” citing 3D sequels to Hellraisers and Scanners. Did anyone see those movies? Did anyone buy those movies? VHS doesn’t count. And, as if to swoop down from above and prove that 3D is, in fact, a bona fide gimmick, Weinstein also has Short Circuit and American Werewolf in London in his 3D wheelhouse. “These films are our strength,” Weinstein states, “and we are committed to doing them in style. [. . .] [T]here is no question that financing is readily available to produce and market these films.”

What do you think? Is Bob Weinstein crazy? Doesn’t this all sound scarier than the inevitable Halloween III-Scream IV-Children of the Corn Remake mashup?