'Bill & Ted Face The Music' is Not A Bogus Rumor But a Most Excellent Reality

Station! The dynamic duo that taught Abe Lincoln the importance of being excellent will return to theaters.

Bill And Ted Bogus Journey

Station! The dynamic duo that taught Abe Lincoln the importance of being excellent will return to theaters.

Better late than never. Right!? That’s the saying. Forget the depressing realities of Dumb and Dumber To, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Men in Black III, Tron: Legacy, and Zoolander 2. If any sequel can overcome the 29-year gap since its original, it’s Bill & Ted Face the Music.

What was once rumor is now a reality. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the Wyld Stallyns will finally return to rock our world. After decades of maybes and “we’ll see,” Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves have signed on to reprise their roles of Bill S. Preston, Esq. and Ted “Theodore” Logan. The headbangers that once traveled through time, defeated Death at a mean game of Twister, and slew their evil robotic doppelgangers in an effort to save mankind through music, must now face the burden of middle age.

Original creators Chris Matheson and Ed Solomon are back for the new screenplay with Dean Parisot (Galaxy Quest, Fun With Dick and Jane) directing and Steven Soderbergh producing. Still in the early stages of pre-production, Bill and Ted Face The Music will force the heroes to address the realities of adulthood. Their days of galavanting through the timestream are behind them, and raising their daughters in a righteous rock ‘n’ roll environment is priority number one. Strange things become afoot at the Circle K when the very fabric of reality tears around them.

Once again, Bill & Ted are visited by a stranger from the future. The Wyld Stallyns are told that only their song can repair the shattering of existence. While the duo has spent nearly every waking moment writing thousands of songs since their Bogus Journey concluded, not one of them is actually any good. As we’ve seen, they’re more of a cover band. Teaming up with their radical daughters, another batch of most-excellent historical figures, and a few legendary musicians, Bill and Ted hopefully discover the right lyrics to return harmony to the galaxy.

That sounds just absurd enough to work. As we heard back in January, the screenplay is supposed to be infused with the spirit of George Carlin. I imagine the visitor sent back from the future to be directly related to Rufus. Could we even see him resurrected Grand Moff Tarkin style? Yuck. I hope not. Go grab John Mulaney.

Another point of interest is the sympathetic musicians that will be lending a helping hand. Can you imagine Axl Rose or Meatloaf jamming with the Wyld Stallyns for the fate of the universe? Maybe hip things up a bit with a Janelle Monae cameo. Hopefully, the experience will be more Blues Brothers than Blues Brothers 2000.

Incorporating historical figures once more seems like an obvious fit as well. Is Genghis Khan desperate to get back to those sporting goods? After conquering the jazzercise mall workout, Joan of Arc can have domination over Zumba. I’m sure we’ll get some new classics as well, but the return of Abraham Lincoln is essential to an excellent adventure.

Hopefully, Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey will not be completely overlooked. While not as beloved as the original, William Saddler’s Death is iconic. You’re already rapping along with him as you read this, right? “You might be a king or a little street sweeper, but sooner or later you dance with the reaper.” Get down with your bad self, Station!

The important aspect is that Winter and Reeves are back. Bill and Ted Face The Music is too ridiculous to pass up. The pair certainly represents a time and a place, and that era is long behind us, but their message of salvation through art is needed more today than yesterday. We’ll bow to the nostalgia and pray for elevation. There is potential for heart behind the foolishness.

Trekkie, Not Trekker. Weekly Columnist for Film School Rejects, co-host of the In The Mouth of Dorkness Podcast.