There have been so many great films in 2017, so celebrate by watching some terrible ones.
One of the luxuries of the holidays is watching movies with your family because even if you hate your family, you can all just stare at the TV set in silence. A difficulty that my (and I would assume, most) families often encounter is picking a movie to watch. Do you go for a classic Christmas movie like White Christmas or It’s a Wonderful Life? Or maybe a film where Christmas isn’t center stage but still a key part of the narrative like Die Hard or The Royal Tenenbaums? Or you could just watch Love, Actually for the 9th consecutive year. But picking a good Christmas movie is hard. So instead of arguing for hours, just go with a film you’ll all love to hate, courtesy of Netflix.
A Christmas Prince
The latest Netflix “original” is set in the fictional country of Aldovia, which I’m guessing is on the border between Genovia and the U.K given that everyone speaks with an English accent. An ambitious writer sneaks into the Royal household to cover a story on the bad boy heir to the throne on the pretense of being the young Princesses’ tutor. Will they fall in love? Will he question his love for her when he discovers her true motives? You betcha. What with Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s recent engagement, this could not be more topical.
This movie is one of the worst Netflix originals and I love it. You know it’s a bad movie when Netflix is judging you for watching it:
Another new Netflix original. There’s the good ole trope of the rich city girl who has it all but takes it all for granted, until…CUT TO the heiress is given an ultimatum by her father: either she goes to small town to better understand that her Dad’s multi-million dollar business is actually just two ambitious country boys working towards a dream at its core, or she loses her inheritance. It stars Eliza Taylor from The 100 and Jake Lacy, a supporting character in another great Christmas movie: Carol. But don’t expect anything less than hetero in this movie (or for that matter, any friggin’ movie on this list).
Naughty & Nice
This is one of 5 Christmas movies starring Hailey Duff. Like many of the films on this list, the plot involves a yuppie spending Christmas in a small countryside town, confronting his selfishness and opening his heart to the Christmas spirit. What is this obsession that American Christmas movies have with small towns?!
Includes such holiday themed lines as “I was wondering if you’d like to go to the Christmas Company party together?”.
El Camino Christmas
The Christmas/crime comedy cross-over that really didn’t need to happen. Also, it stars Tim Allen. But despite all that, this movie is a good pick if you are tired of Christmas movies starring fake snow and little to no booze. But ultimately, like all Christmas movies, this one is really about family. It stars Luke Grimes (yes, from Fifty Shades of Grey) as a young dude, who, in searching for his father, is mistaken for a drug dealer and is held up in a liquor store on Christmas Eve. Like a Christmas bottle episode, he’s stuck in the liquor store with 5 other people on Christmas Eve. But which one is it?! And will they get out in time to celebrate Christmas together? Just watch it.
Back to Christmas
Ahh the workholic-is-forced-to-do-Christmas time-travel movie! This is basically The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past but with Christmas. It tells the story of Ali, a woman not driven by ambition so much as crushing loneliness, as she is given one more chance at happiness. After meeting a local weirdo/timelord(?) at a diner, Ali is transported back to last year’s Christmas, before everything turned to shit. Let’s hope she doesn’t screw up her life again!
Here’s a good drinking game. Every time someone says “Christmas magic” take a shot of whiskey eggnog.