Benjamin Walker Is Abraham Lincoln, If Abraham Lincoln Hunted Vampires (Which He Did)

Before Seth Grahame-Smith’s groundbreaking biography “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” became all of the rage, the world was tragically clueless about the undead-destroying exploits of our 16th president. American school children are taught about the Emancipation Proclamation, they memorize lines from the Gettysburg Address; but they tragically never understand why. Just like elementary classrooms are reticent to include Chomsky in their standard curriculums, they have also shown to be reluctant to reveal to grade-schoolers the unfortunate reality that vampires are real, and that their blood sucking atrocities had a profound effect on the development and presidency of one of our greatest leaders.

Fortunately, Hollywood is not as chained to the whims of conservative fundamentalist groups as our nation’s textbook makers are. So, Russian director Timur Bekmambetov has been tapped to direct a big screen adaptation of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. You may know Bekmambetov as the director of the Night Watch and Day Watch vampire franchise already, and if you don’t then clearly you haven’t been paying enough attention to vampires. It’s a wonder you still have all of your blood. Long have they searched for the perfect actor to portray Lincoln in this epic tale; one that spans the president’s life from ages 20 to 55. Many have tested, and many have failed. In the end, all of their efforts have come down to one man: some guy. That guy is actor Benjamin Walker. You may recognize him from such films as Flags of Our Fathers and Kinsey, but chances are you probably don’t. What you need to know is that he won the role after making it through many rounds of screen tests, so most likely he has the chops to produce the necessary mix of historical accuracy and demon slaying badass that this role requires. Who did you want to cast, that guy from Everybody Loves Raymond? Just because he’s tall? Trust me, this is going to be much better.

Source: The Hollywood Reporter

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