AnnaSophia Robb to Be Eaten By a F*cking Shark

Resistance is futile, especially when the opportunity to tie movie news in with a Dave Chappelle skit about a great moment in the life of Samuel L. Jackson comes along.

The real news here is that Dennis Quaid, Helen Hunt, AnnaSophia Robb and Carrie Underwood have been set to star in the indie drama Soul Surfer, about teen surfing champion and shark attack survivor Bethany Hamilton.

Here’s the synopsis from Variety: “Based on Hamilton’s autobiography, biopic centers on the surf icon (Robb) who defied all odds to compete and win professional championships after losing her arm in a shark attack at age 13. Quaid and Hunt play Hamilton’s parents, and Underwood has taken on the role of a church youth leader.”

The film will also star Kevin Sorbo (instant classic, if you ask me) and Lorraine Nicholson. It will be directed by Sean McNamara, whose previous work includes the Bratz movie and the criminally overlooked sequel 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain. (For the record, I no longer feel bad about starting this story with jokes – the director of the 3 Ninjas sequel? This stuff writes itself.)

The film is set to start shooting in Hawaii this week. No word yet on who will play the shark.