Knight Rider: Journey to the End of the Knight

Knight Rider, NBC, Airs Wednesday 8/7c

Synopsis: Michael and KITT have to infiltrate a ring of bad guys who have acquired some high-tech weaponry that poses some sort of vague threat to national security. This synopsis was written prior to my viewing of the episode.

Review: Really? This show hasn’t been canceled yet? We’re still bothering to review it?

Oh well.

First of all, this week’s episode is entitled “A Hard Day’s Knight!” I predicted this as one of the upcoming titles in my review of last week’s show as you’ll recall.

This is another Knight Rider review that comes in a day late. I’m late this time not because I was too hung over to write it, but because of a small misunderstanding between me, a neighbor, and four very patient but rather verbose police officers. Suffice to say, I will only tolerate someone taking my parking spot at my condominium complex so many times before that someone’s Range Rover is going to get boxed in for it. And if that means someone misses his daughter’s piano recital, cry me a river.

So now I’m having to catch up with the latest episode of Knight Rider on the web twelve hours before I have to undergo an endoscopy. Since I’ll be given anesthesia, I’m not allowed to eat or drink anything. That means I’m going to have endure this week’s episode completely sober. But that’s okay. I can totally do this.

We begin with Michael and KITT in the desert at night. KITT notes that Michael still seems fatigued after their last mission. I don’t even recall what that mission was now, and the scene is pointless.

Cut to the headquarters of the secret government agency that oversees all of Michael’s missions. And I really need to come up with a name for this place, seeing as how we find ourselves here at some point during every episode. I’ll call it Knight Rider Central.

From the KRC, agents are being monitored on a big screen LCD. They are following a man with a briefcase. The man with the briefcase is apparently a bad guy. The agents on the screen lose the man with the briefcase, and the man meets with a second man in a parking garage. The first man delivers a small, silvery item to the second man. The second man takes the item, punches the first man in the face, and hustles him into the back of a black van. The black van is driving all by itself, and KITT’s voice refers to the second man as “Michael.” The second man makes a show of pulling off some sort of rubber mask and we see that underneath it’s…

Michael!

KITT morphs from the van back into a Ford Mustang.

And… oh dear Lord. In the year 2008, someone’s making a show where they expect us to believe you can put on a rubber mask and turn into an entirely different actor.

At this point, I go to Google and enter the following search:

“Why can’t I drink anything before anesthesia?”

Yahoo Answers says, “the chances of Inhalation/Aspiration pneumonia are increased, and this can result in table complications. Patients who didn’t follow orders have to undergo CPR, including defibrillation of heart, even death.”

So my choice is risk death or watch Knight Rider sober. Honestly, I have to pause the show and ponder those options for a few minutes. In the end, however, I decide it would be far too embarrassing for my loved ones if I were to die during a simple operation just because Knight Rider is a terrible television show.

I resume watching the episode. KITT enters the KRC with Michael and the person they kidnapped before the credits. And then, man, I don’t know. They need to get some information out of him, so they stick him in the car which is parked in a sort of gyroscopic-looking lift. And then they spin him around and around until KITT says, “Michael, he is about to regurgitate.”

I’m not making this up.

The guy gives up the information pertaining to a meeting with some other bad guys. Michael goes to the meeting pretending to be the other guy. The new bad guys, led by a bald dude with a cheesy mustache, give Michael a task to deliver a briefcase. They inject him with a poison to ensure he carries out the task. If he fails, he doesn’t get the antidote and will be dead within three hours.

Back at the KRC, they analyze the poison in Michael’s blood. It’s a hallucinogenic and a truth serum. And even though they can produce a model of the poison’s basic molecule on a computer screen, they can’t synthesize an antidote.

The rest of the episode is Michael running here and there in the car, chasing after people, and getting sicker and sicker, increasingly unable to stop himself from professing his love for the female protagonist, the lovely Deanna Russo as Sarah. At one point Michael’s heart stops and Sarah has to use KITT’s handy packed-in defibrillator to restart it.

I have to admit, I’m really not following any of this. At this point, it’s a given that the show is terribly written, shoddily produced, and full of shit logic-wise. But have I mentioned how interminably dull it is?

In the end, Michael’s at the point of death, they’ve trapped Cheesy Mustache Guy on a roof, and have him surrounded by government agents. Sarah runs up to him and demands the antidote. Cheesy Mustache Guy drops the vial of antidote on the ground and it shatters. Michael dies. The end.

Oh how I wish. No, Sarah sops up some of the antidote with her shirt, squeezes it out onto a tray, and feeds it into KITT’s glove box. KITT synthesizes the antidote and delivers it already poured into a hypodermic syringe.

Again. Not making this up.

My head hurts now. Knight Rider, I hate you so much. There’s no other show that could make me actually look forward to having an endoscopy. That’s right–I’d rather have a tube with a camera on the end shoved down my throat and into my esophagus than have to ever watch this show again.

For more coverage of your favorite shows, check out the Control Freaks Archive.

Did you watch Knight Rider this week? If so, feel free to discuss below.


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