Unholy Night

Boiling Point

There are a lot of good things that can be said about Hollywood. It creates tons of jobs, pumps out entertaining movies, makes art widely accessible and helps balance your LDL-HDL cholesterol panel, I’m pretty sure. There is also a ton of bad shit to be said about Hollywood, or else this column couldn’t even exist. Hollywood is many things, but it’s nothing if not extravagantly wasteful. Whether you want to talk about David Fincher’s obsession over every single detail in his movies (details = dollars) or the fact that Jack and Jill cost $79 million to make, probably because Adam Sandler had to be paid twice, once for each ball his comedy is missing these days. There are dozens of ways Hollywood wastes a buck, but the one in the news today is reckless buying of literary properties. You may have heard that Seth Grahame-Smith has sold another of his books to Hollywood. Unholy Night, which releases next year, will be a revisionist take on the story of the three wise men who are now thieves or something. I don’t know, I’ll wait for the movie. Or not, because while Grahame-Smith has sold three of his revisionist novels, not a single one has made it to theaters yet. You probably heard of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies at Lionsgate or Fox’s adaptation of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Heard of them, seen the book covers, but when it comes to seeing any real progress on the films, ha. Never mind. Toss another one of these on the […]

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Oh, come on. Novelist Seth Grahame-Smith has made a fair bit of scratch by plundering better novels and more interesting lives to pen his own ridiculous brand of revisionist history for the page – stuff like “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” and “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” – and while both books have sold like gangbusters, neither has yet proved their worth at the box office. The adaptation of Zombies has been passed around Hollywood more often than an old holiday fruitcake, with directors jumping ship left and right and without a locked-in leading lady, and while Vampire Hunter has a great cast and will actually open in theaters thanks to director Timur Bekmambetov, it still remains to be seen just how that will play with the movie-going public. And with a real Lincoln biopic on the horizon, from no less than Steven Spielberg, it’s hard times out there for a zany take on an American president. But it’s not hard out there for Grahame-Smith, who has sold his latest (still unpublished) novel to a studio eager to adapt it for the screen. Are you ready for what it’s about? You can’t possibly be. What else could a writer whose all but desecrated a classic work of fiction and pissed all over the life story of the greatest American president with en vogue vampire lore? Jesus Christ. No, actually Jesus Christ, specifically the birth of Christ. Grahame-Smith’s latest book is called “Unholy Night,” and it focuses on “an action/adventure surrounding the […]

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