Udo Kier

Iron Sky 2

Iron Sky — aka the Moon Nazi Movie — wasn’t really my cup of crazy tea, but it found a dedicated cult audience, so it’s not all that surprising that director Timo Vuorensola wants a second shot at the fourth Reich. He and a production team for Iron Sky: The Coming Race are currently chest-deep in cash on IndieGoGo. According to their press release, their trying to push beyond $100K in the final days of the campaign, and to do so, they’ve enlisted the help of Udo Kier who (in character as Wolfgang Kortzfleisch) has a message for fans.


Udo Kier Young

Legend among legends, Udo Kier recently told Dread Central (via The Playlist) that he’d be re-teaming with Lars von Trier for the director’s next project, Nymphomaniac. A ton has been written on the movie, specifically the question of whether the sex would be real or simulated and which actors would be engaged in the possibly real or possibly not real fornication. Shia Labeouf seems to believe he’s going to be dipping his wick in the name of art, but the actual methods are still unclear. The point is, it’s time to stop with all the metaphors and playful puns and just admit what’s going on. If you sign up for this movie, it’s quite possible that you’ll be fucking someone for von Trier. He’s going to be there, telling you when to start having the sex and when to stop having it. Lars von Trier will be telling you how he wants you to have sex. Think about that for a second. Now stop and take a bath. On this front, who knows what role Kier will play. His involvement is awesome – especially after being a rare bright spot in Melancholia. But, yeah, he’s probably going to have to obstruct someone.


Iron Sky Berlin

The promise of Iron Sky is a great and wondrous one. It’s Moon Nazis. Moon Nazis, people. Swirl it around in your mind for a moment. Those two words alone should put enough fuel in the car to get it to the theater, but with a concept like a Fourth Reich hiding on the dark side of the moon, the movie can only take one of two paths. Sadly, all too sadly, it takes a wrong turn and ends up riding the highway all the way into the city dump at the end of it. Stupid, cheap and aiming above its IQ, this movie is the bad kind of garbage. It goes without saying that there’s a good kind. Some of the best spoof movies have fallen under that category. Like all tones, there are right and wrong ways to handle them, and although director Timo Vuorensola‘s long-awaited sci-fi explosion of bizarre alternate history starts off with decent overacting and wacky antics, it forgets its B-Movie roots halfway through. That’s its fatal mistake. Not that it was headed for greatness early on, but it was at least headed for the kind of mild enjoyability that makes bad movies worth watching. Udo Kier is Kortzfleisch, the new dictator. Julia Dietze is the Earth Expert and schoolteacher, Renate Richter, who’s convinced that the Nazi way is the way of peace. Götz Otto is Klaus Adler, the next in line to rule with an impotent anger. Christopher Kirby is James Washington, the black […]


Ace Ventura Teeth

Before he directed Patch Adams – I’m pretty sure that little nugget of information will rear its head again further down this article – Tom Shadyac had a strong hand in making Jim Carrey the man he is today. Shadyac directed Ace Venture: Pet Detective, the film that essentially launched Carrey’s career into super stardom and eventually landed him a few $20m paying jobs. Shadyac, on the other hand, was easy to get for the film’s commentary track. And that’s what we’re doing for this week’s Commentary Commentary. Here’s hoping it’s loaded with deep analysis on the character and the slaps in the face Shadyac had to give Carrey in order for the performance to bleed through. Who am I kidding? There’s probably plenty of laughter and talking about the first time he saw Carrey talking out of his ass. Let’s find out, shall we?



Editor’s note: This week, your tireless Criterion Warrior (oh, idea for a new column!) requested a week off to pursue something literary and intelligent and, well, big-wordy. With Mr. Palmer out, our own J.L. Sosa stepped up to the plate to file his very own Criterion, um, File. Be nice, bloodsuckers! When I first saw Paul Morrissey‘s Blood for Dracula, I definitely felt like I was partaking of an illicit pleasure. A friend of mine with an encyclopedic knowledge (and equally impressive collection) of B-movies was moving to new digs and bequeathed to me, along with many other obscure relics, his VHS dub of the Criterion Collection’s unedited laserdisc edition of the film (LD spine #287, for the digit-obsessed). Based on the rumors I’d long heard, I was expecting copious over-the-top gore. The film delivered on that promise, but also unexpectedly unfolded with the langorous pace of a high-falutin’ costume drama. You know, just like Sense and Sensibility, except with more extended scenes of softcore grinding and vomiting of blood. I later caught a midnight showing of the film at the beloved St. Anthony Main theater, just across the Mississippi from downtown Minneapolis. This time, the salacious tale of Count Dracula (Udo Kier) and his quest for the blood of a “wirgin” was screened from an authentically scratchy print, and curiously retitled Young Dracula. Although the R-rated Young Dracula had most of its eroticism trimmed, there was still enough suggestive content and bloodletting to draw whoops of approval (and sometimes […]



The last time Lars von Trier explored a relationship in decay, the divisive auteur could not have been more in your face. While parts of Antichrist were labeled as pure button-pushing, it was button-pushing in the greatest way possible. The director made a 2-hour endurance test, a great one at that. His latest, Melancholia, is not an endurance test. Right from the beginning prologue, which paints a picture of events to come, von Trier sucks one into his world of emotional and cynical chaos. The whole film, despite von Trier’s bombastic filmmaking nature, is surprisingly grounded. This isn’t about the destruction of earth, but of these characters. The apocalypse is only used to symbolize all of the characters’ emotional deterioration.



After the crucible of Antichrist, Melancholia is the closest thing to a palette cleanser that Lars von Trier is capable of producing. The problem is that a palette cleanser is not what anyone should want from the director who normally pushes the envelope to the point where it can’t even be called an envelope anymore. This is von Trier at his least challenging. The film consists of two halves that almost make a whole. They both focus on a pair of sisters — the first giving more attention to depressive Justine (Kirsten Dunst) on her wedding night, the second to the troubled mother and wife Claire (Charlotte Gainsbourg) on the eve of the earth coming into contact with another planet. However, more than just characters, the pair act more as a platform for delivering archetypes, ideas and more than a bit of visual poetics.


Melancholia Cannes 2011

Despite assertions that I would never consciously put myself through the draining experience of watching one of his films again, this morning saw the first screening of Lars Von Trier’s Melancholia, a film about the end of the world, as well as one that presents the triumph of melancholia, or the feeling that everything we know is hollow. So, now the credits have rolled, the world has ended and again, I find myself challenged by the dichotomy of a film that consciously aims to jar and jolt, rather than be pleasurable (is there any other way for this director though?). Like Malick’s The Tree of Life, Melancholia is experiential cinema, a film that has limited commercial appeal aside from the names attached to it, that is as much a manifestation of Von Trier as an artist as it is a film in its own right, and long after this film festival is done, it will be those two films that will command the most debate, side-by-side. Both are endurance tests, but Melancholia is something entirely different to that other film, even though both will no doubt split the festival. Is it successful? Incredibly so. Though it’s certainly not an enjoyable experience. But at the end of the day, that’s exactly what the infamous director set out to achieve.



“It’s the size of Texas, Mr. President.” Does it get any better than that? Of course it doesn’t. Armageddon is without doubt one of the finest motion pictures ever created by humans. If that snippet of dialogue made audible by Mr. Billy Bob Thornton himself didn’t convince you, maybe this will. “You think we’ll get hazard pay for this?” I’m going to pretend you’ve been living under a rock since 1998 and summarize one of the greatest summer blockbuster films ever made for you. So Billy Bob Thorton is sort of the head honcho of NASA and one day he’s supervising a standard in-space satellite repair when all of a sudden a meteor shower rips his crew to pieces. We then cut to New York City, which seems to always be the city that gets destroyed in big budget disaster movies, and sure enough the meteors tear through the city demolishing Grand Central Station, decapitating the Chrysler Building [insert Unstoppable joke here] and finally, in a moment fraught with unintended significance, the camera slowly zooms out to show the twin towers of the World Trade Center on fire. Then we’re treated to quickly cut scenes of people yelling and running through hallways and trying to figure out why Keith David keeps calling. Essentially, a giant asteroid is on a collision course with Earth and no matter where it hits, it will wipe out all life as we know it. Jason Isaacs convinces the President that the best plan is to […]



The good news is that Dunst just scored the leading role for an iconic director. The bad news is that he’s known for torturing his lead actresses.



Would you like to pay for another Uwe Boll video game adaptation on DVD? We didn’t think so. How about we give you the DVD for the low-low price of entertaining us with a photo caption?



In a Dystopian future, oil reserves are all but gone, and everyone is animated in such a way that their eyes are way, way too big for their heads.

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published: 01.30.2015
published: 01.29.2015
published: 01.28.2015
published: 01.28.2015

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