Trac-Ball

It’s early, so you probably haven’t slapped your forehead with the palm of your hand yet. That’s okay. That’s what we’re here for. The talent agency ICM has signed on Wham-O Toys, which can only mean one thing: the entire company is going to start acting. Or it means that they’re going to start prepping their properties for movie adaptations. Slip ‘N Slide: The Movie may be hosing off your front porch and annoying your eco-friendly neighbors soon enough. Measuring the absurdity of this news can’t be done with known scientific tools, so our only logical response is to go ahead and pitch our ideas for how the movies should be. Shockingly, Cole Abaius and Rob Hunter had nothing better to do and were up to the task. Here they are. Six plots for six dumb movies that will probably get made because product placement is shorthand for “story” now.

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