The Three Stooges

The Three Stooges

The bowl cut is (as best summarized by Gary Larson), nature’s way of saying “do not touch.” This is the haircut of a child (worse, a child with zero fashion sense). If worn by a child, don’t touch, because hey- that’s not your child. On an adult, don’t touch, because whomever sports the bowl cut may not be of sound mind or body. Or they could be Jim Carrey, filming a Dumb and Dumber sequel. Lloyd Christmas has returned, and with him, the rattling rattlesnake tail of the haircut world. But Lloyd isn’t the only one to take his fashion cues from a salad bowl- he’s one of many in a long line of bowl-cutted heroes, American patriots who’ve upheld a ruler-straight hairline for nearly a century. Let’s take a look at a few, shall we?

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The Reject Report - Large

No one was expecting this. The chances The Avengers had of breaking the opening weekend box office were slim. They were there, but few thought it was anywhere near reality. There’s a lot of egg on a lot of faces today. Not only did The Avengers beat Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2‘s opening weekend take of $169.1m, it left every film that has ever been released in its dust. The first film to ever break $200m in its opening three days of US release – That’s to say nothing of the $441.5m it’s already made overseas – this is a milestone in Hollywood’s history that everyone thought would come one day. Not many thought it would happen in 2012.

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The Reject Report - Large

Cue the Don Henley, because the boys of Summer have arrived. The girls are here, too. We don’t want to sound like Moviefone over here. Boys, girls, aliens, piranha. They’re all being represented this Summer, and the first of many earth-shattering weekends is upon us. As with opening weekends of Summer’s past, the team over at Marvel have it all to themselves, this time with the culmination of years of tiring work. Will all the work be for naught? Hell naw. The Avengers is going to completely rule this weekend. The only question is what, if any, records will it be breaking. You take a look. We’re going back to Henley for the time being.

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The Reject Report - Large

Movie fans can feel it. The Summer movie season is in the air, and we’ll be analyzing what it’s opening attack has to offer. For now, though, we’ve got four new films squaring off to soak up as much pre-Summer sun as they can, some of them sure to be more successful at that than others. Here’s a hint: the movie set in foggy Baltimore in the 1800s won’t be getting much sun. Another action film for the adult crowd and an animated yarn have better chances, but it’ll end up being the romantic comedy hitting that top spot here just before we’re flooded with superhero blockbusters. It’s the final Reject Report before Summer hits, and the flood of new movies this weekend is just one more indication that the industry has no urge to slow down now.

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Think Like a Man

Okay, we won’t be starting off this week’s Reject Box Office Report by talking about The Hunger Games, but that will be the last time it appears in headlines. You know, until its inevitable 3D converted re-release. No, this week we’ll be talking about men. Zac Efron. A cute chimp in the wild making some nice, breezy cash for Disney. That’s a different topic for a different article. These men have swarmed and flanked around the battle-weary opponent, and they struck gold in the process. The head of this charge was Think Like a Man, the reason Screen Gems and producer Will Packer have such a stronger bond as of today. It’s Packer’s biggest debut for the studio, taking over the $28.6m showing for Obsessed in 2009.  Add to that the film has an extra weekend coming up where it can coast a bit before getting blasted by The Avengers, and this movie with its $12m budget is going to have some pretty damn good strength. Add to that the home entertainment sales. The party at Screen Gems last night was heard in Vegas.

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The Reject Report - Large

A chimpanzee, Zac Efron, Steve Harvey, and Katniss – Not Jennifer Lawrence – all have their palms on a brand new Dodge Challenger. Hemi. The last person with their hand on the car wins it, and, unfortunately for Katniss – Still not Jennifer Lawrence – who could afford 10 Dodge Challengers right now – the game’s been going for four days straight. She’s exhausted. The other players are all fresh, and a few of them have heavy fan support. Who will walk away with this magnificent car or the claim of #1 at the box office if you’re into the whole analogy thing? One things for certain. The chimpanzee was already distracted by a low-hanging branch. Let the contest begin.

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What is Movie News After Dark? It’s the sun, the moon and the stars. Wait, I thought there’d be stars… We begin this evening with a blurry, somewhat comprehensible image of Spock (Zachary Quinto) falling in front of a green screen on the set of Star Trek 2. According to Screen Rant’s theory — and a spy report — this could very well be Spock falling into a Volcano on a “jungle planet” as part of a big CGI set piece. I’m for it.

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The Hunger Games

See, this is why there’s no ESPN in the future, because every show they had would only cover The Hunger Games. Once again, the juggernaut about a dystopian American Idol where teens fling arrows at pre-teens and everyone laughs and laughs and laughs hit the #1 spot, overshadowing three new films. But before we talk about them, let’s dig into where this Lionsgate film, the reason you hear corks popping in their hallways every Sunday afternoon, stands in history. It currently sits with $337m domestic and another $194m foreign. While half a billion dollars worldwide isn’t exactly a ground-shaker these days – 93 films over history have hit the $.5b mark – it’s still impressive business for the studio backing it. With $78m, The Hunger Games‘ reported budget and most of which pulled in from the Saw franchise and Tyler Perry movies, Lionsgate grabbed up The Hunger Games property, actually cared about how the film looked unlike some recent high-property franchises, and ended up with a good film that’s just raking in the dough. The Hunger Games would have done impressive business on the branding alone, but it’s the general concern for how the film looks and plays that’s making it such a phenomenon.

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What is Movie News After Dark? It’s a nightly column that is always topical, often timely and ever ready to rock your world with all the great articles you’d probably find yourself, if you had the time. Lucky for you, we’ve got plenty of time. We begin this evening with one of fourteen new images from Moonrise Kingdom, the upcoming film from Wes Anderson. You’ll know him as the guy who made films such as Rushmore, The Life Aquatic, The Royal Tenenbaums and The Fantastic Mr. Fox. This one comes with just as much star-power, including names like Bruce Willis, Edward Norton, Bill Murray, Frances McDormand, Tilda Swinton, Jason Schwartzman and Bob Balaban. The young man above’s name is Jared Gilman. He’s new.

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With imitation being the sincerest form of flattery, the original Three Stooges would be most flattered (if they were still alive, of course) by the new Farrelly Brothers‘ film The Three Stooges. They could also very well be turning over in their graves. Even Joe Besser and Curly Joe DeRita might be saddened a bit by this flick, and those two guys were saddled with trying to fill the shoes of the original Curly and his follow-up Shemp. It’s not that The Three Stooges is a terrible film. It’s just unnecessary. Like an extended Saturday Night Live sketch that wears on too long, this movie offers little more than a showcase of Sean Hayes, Will Sasso and Chris Diamantopoulos doing solid impersonations of the original Larry, Curly and Moe. Sorry, Bobby and Peter Farrelly, but that’s not enough to make a good movie. What was originally rumored to be a serious look at the behind-the-scenes world of the original Stooges, this movie presents the title characters as real men raised in an odd little orphanage where the nuns don’t age and one is actually played by Larry David in nun-drag. Dropped off by a mysterious car when they were babies, Larry, Curly and Moe spend much of their childhood getting into mischief and hoping to be adopted. At one point, Moe actually has a chance to go home with a family, but his insistence that his new parents adopt his other two friends as well kills the deal.

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The Three Stooges has been a passion project for the Farrelly brothers for almost a decade. From swapping studios to switching up actors, the project has gone through plenty of ups and downs, and it seemed as though it would never make it to the screen. After a few revisions and dedication, Bob and Peter Farrelly‘s modern day take on The Three Stooges finally got off the ground. According to Peter Farrelly, only the film’s environment is “modern.” Instead of going with satire or irony, the Farrelly’s wanted to stick with and respect the old-fashioned physical comedy the Stooges are famous for. Yes, there is a Jersey Shore gag (something I’m guessing wasn’t in the original Stooges’ work), but the Farrelly’s set out to recreate the spirit and charm of The Three Stooges. Here’s what Peter Farrelly had to say about receiving the PG rating, writing oblivious but lovable characters, bringing the Stooges back to life, and how Wes Anderson inadvertently helped save There’s Something About Mary:

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Last month was eclectic. We got Disney‘s like-it-or-hate-it box-office bomb, a sweet and violent comedy following the goons of hockey, one ass-kicking and nonstop action picture, an 80s TV show adaptation that was better than it originally had any right to be, and a Tarsem kids’ film that defied most expectations based on that horror story of a trailer. A pretty strong March, and that’s not even counting The Hunger Games. Before we head into the unpredictable summer movie season, we got 30 days filled with a plenty of excellent and probably not-so-excellent releases coming out. Here are 8 1/2 movies worth seeing this month.

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“Before Jackass, there was dumbass.” And thus begins another marketing push for Peter and Bobby Farrelly‘s’ take on The Three Stooges, a freak show of an adaptation of a reasonably beloved property. Dear Hollywood, I know you’ve run out of ideas, but this is just below the belt. And don’t tell me that the Farrellys have wanted to make the film for years and years, as if that is some sort of reason that should excite me and titillate me. They also made Shallow Hal and that dismal Heartbreak Kid remake, they don’t hold any sort of cache any longer. There’s Something About Mary was a long, long, looooong time ago. If you’re a masochist or just a fan of not-good movies, check out the supposed final (oh, please, please, let this be the last one) trailer for The Three Stooges after the break.

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Although the real question keeping Hollywood awake in 2012 is “Does Winston Wolf clean up dead hookers on Yom Kippur?”, the fine folks over at HitFix have put forth a handful of queries of varying importance which filmmakers, studios and fans might have on their minds this year. It’s their 15 Questions Keeping Hollywood Awake in 2012. With concerns from Lindsay Lohan’s possible last chance to Joss Whedon’s first real shot with The Avengers, it’s an intriguing list that might prove 2012 to be both an endlessly fascinating and completely irrelevant year in the stories behind the movies. Will Smith, Found Footage, Hunger Games, Dark Knight Rises and more. HitFix has questions, and here are the answers:

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Bond 50

What is Movie News After Dark? It’s a nightly movie news column that, tonight, is focused on a cornacopia of new Blu-ray release information. From James Bond to Jake Gittes, it’s going to be a beautiful year of high definition goodness. There is also non-Blu-ray news, for those who like variety. We begin tonight with a look at the box for Bond 50, the upcoming release of the Golden Anniversary Blu-ray edition of all 22 James Bond films on Blu-ray for the first time as one complete offering. MGM and Fox laid out plans at CES today, which included making it available for pre-order right now. Put simply, it’s beautiful. They even delivered a trailer, which I’ve included after the jump.

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Possible introductory pieces of wordsmithery to lead off this post – “not worth nyuk-ing about!” or even “better than a poke in the eye!” or possibly a longer rife on the use of “just say Moe” as the film’s tagline. Yet all of those cracks at humor are rendered absolutely and starkly unnecessary by this first trailer for the Farrelly Brothers‘ The Three Stooges, which is so painfully unfunny that it makes even related humor feel useless. The Farrellys have been wanting to make a Stooges feature film for years, proclaiming it a passion project, but its journey to the screen has been filled with its own pratfalls and slams to the face – development delays and huge casting issues abounded. The film was originally rumored to star Jim Carrey, Benicico del Toro, and Sean Penn, but when they all dropped the project, other potential casting options were mentioned and reported, including Hank Azaria, Johnny Knoxville, Andy Samberg, and Shane Jacobson. Which doesn’t explain how we ended up with a cast that includes Chris Diamantopoulos as Moe Howard, Sean Hayes as Larry Fine, and Will Sasso as Curly Howard. And Snooki is there, because why not make something that looks terrible look even more bogglingly awful? If you don’t value your eyes, your soul, or the possibility that Hollywood would greenlight an original and creative project, check out the first trailer for The Three Stooges after the break.

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Respect has to be given to anyone moving forward on a terrible idea with such gusto. The Three Stooges is a monumentally dumb idea, especially considering the legacy left by the trio in comedy, but if you’re going to blow the goat, you might as well go all out while doing it. The latest piece of absurdity comes from Deadline Poughkeepsie, which reports that Larry David will don the habit to play Mother Mengele for the picture. Because nothing says screwball comedy like dressing a Jewish man in a Catholic garb and giving him the last name of a Nazi who made lamps out of people. Instead of this, can’t The Farrelly Brothers just remake Doctor Death: Seeker of Souls or something?

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What is Movie News After Dark? Tonight it’s a movie news column stunned by its author’s ability to find all that is cool and interesting in the world of film. Seriously, this might be the best one of these lot that he’s put together in over 150 tries. It’s almost as if he’s ready to graduate to a “mediocre” rating as a news aggregator. Then he can begin acquiring spells and executing more advanced quests before he can join a proper guild and go on raids. Gore Verbinski may finally have found his Lone Ranger in the form of The Social Network star Armie Hammer. He is currently in talks to take the lead alongside Johnny Depp, who’s already been cast as Tonto. He’s got the look (and damn, the voice as well), but the challenge for Hammer will be the fact that there’s only one character to play in the film. Unless Verbinski carries over the “multiple Jack Sparrow” sequences from his Pirates of the Caribbean work.

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It’s unclear whether a Three Stooges biopic was ever a really good idea. The trio are the icons you don’t go messing around with (like in twenty years when a Monty Python biopic starts circling around) because it’s tough to get people to play geniuses. Even when you get insanely lucky with casting (like Jamal Woolard as Notorious B.I.G.), the result can still be a fairly average movie. So why try it? That’s a great question, but apparently it’s something that The Farrelly Brothers have to get out of their system. Unfortunately, we’ve seen in real time how difficult it can be to get a movie off the ground and what happens when you’re not quite sticking the landing. At one point, this film saw Jim Carrey, Benecio Del Toro, and Sean Penn attached – and that, absolutely, would have made for an interesting film. Maybe not a good one, but it would have been a train ride and/or wreck to remember. Now, the casting has been reduced to minor television stars. That’s not a pejorative at all. Television acting is difficult, but it’s not the same kind of acting that a film requires. In terms of sheer talent, it seems like the B team has been called off the benches. Will Sasso is already locked as Curly, and now Variety is reporting that Sean Hayes (from Will and Grace) will be playing Larry. This project was always a head-scratcher, but now it looks like compromise is going to kill […]

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What is Movie News After Dark? It’s a focused, coordinated strike upon the oppressive barrage of movie blogs who think you should really be reading 700 words on the latest third-tier casting rumors for the next Adam Shankman movie. We take all the interesting news and otherwise notable articles of the day and bring them together, in one place, where you can kick ass and gain knowledge quickly. It also includes some funny videos. Because everyone loves funny videos. With Jason Eisener’s Hobo with a Shotgun finally getting to theaters (and iTunes — go watch it!), Canuxploitation is on its way. To celebrate, Quiet Earth asked Canadian grindhouse cinema expert Paul Corupe to write of Canuxploitation’s weidest, wildest Canadian exploitation movies. Yes.

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published: 12.18.2014
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published: 12.17.2014
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published: 12.15.2014
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published: 12.12.2014
D+


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