The Smurfs


When the CGI cat slaps its own forehead, you’ll finally find a character in this trailer you can sympathize with. Despite its best efforts to mock the cartoon series it’s based on, The Smurfs still looks about as dumb as a sack full of blueberries. Watch as Gargamel gets hit by things! Revel in the splendor of Smurf Village! Let your jaw hit the floor at the slapstick tragedy of it all! Bear witness to a trailer that can’t even take its own movie seriously:


Harry Potter Transformers Poster

Every week, Landon Palmer and Cole Abaius log on to their favorite chat client of 1996 as DogEatsHeart and 5Obstructions5 in order to discuss some topical topic of interest. This week, the pair apply some sun screen and some green screen in order to forecast how the movies of Summer 2011 might shape up. Is there a secret weapon to its inevitable success? Is its success inevitable? Anything would be better than last year, right?


Rise of the Smurfs

When news broke that the upcoming James Franco doing battle with super-smart monkeys movie Rise of the Apes was being bumped up from a Thanksgiving release to a release on August 5th, it was a bittersweet moment for me. On the one hand it seemed like a fall movie being bumped up to a summer release meant the studio must see a lot of potential in it. On the other hand, with Rise of the Apes coming out on August 5th, I would now have to choose between seeing that or The Smurfs on that sweltering August weekend. You’ve heard of The Smurfs, right? The movie that had the most mind blowing trailer that we’ve ever seen? Well the good news is that Krom is not a cruel God, because he has seen to it that we shall have both our monkey fighting and our 80s nostalgia gone wrong. The cries of the people have been heard and Deadline Smurfville reports that The Smurfs has been bumped a week forward to July 29th. That’s just one day after my birthday, so I am going to choose to believe that Sony reads my news updates and has made this move as a present to me. All I can say is, thanks Sony, thanks a smurfing lot.



This is a question that speaks to the very core of our humanity. How is it possible that trailers have been made that are even worse, more moronic, awkwardly craven, and less funny than the brutal marketing assault that hit us during Operation Yogi Bear? Who would do this to us? What did we do to deserve this? How do we make it stop? Why is it going after our children? Cynicism and sarcasm aside, this trailer for The Smurfs might be the single worst piece of film marketing I’ve ever seen in my life. No hyperbole. Not only do jokes not land, they hang in the air begging to be noticed. The events in it are nonsensical to the point that we should all be medically concerned for whomever cut it together. It just all looks so lazy and low-rent. What’s worse, they’ve made Neil Patrick Harris do some exceedingly lame physical comedy that looks like it’s aimed at dog-levels of intelligence. Filmmakers, feel free to dumb things down if you must, but at least keep it inside the species. The horror, the horror…


Boiling Point

Moving from one year into the next, it’s easy and expected for us to look back on the previous three hundred and sixty five days and talk about what we did and didn’t like that year. But that’s too easy. That’s too small. No, I’m a bigger asshole than that. I’m going to look into the future, into 2011, and come up with 10 things that I’m going to hate, sight unseen. Certainly something will come up between now and then- in fact, there will probably be many things that I’ll hate this year that I can’t possibly predict at this moment. And sure, maybe one of these movies will surprise me and be great or my predictions will be off. But right now, I don’t care and odds are I won’t care at the end of the year. Because I don’t care. I hate.



Good news of the day. We’ve been talking about Harold and Kumar 3 quite a bit lately thanks to a recent Twitter kerfuffle between John Cho and Patton Oswalt. And now thanks to an update from one of the franchise’s other stars, we know that Neil Patrick Harris will make his triumphant return to the world of traveling stoners.



Your daily recommended allowance of random movie stuff, stories that fell through the cracks, and news you can’t use.


Sofia Vergara

This is noteworthy for two reasons. One is that the Smurfs film will be in 3D, and I’ve always wanted to see what Ms. Vergara looks like through stereoscopic glasses. Secondly… well, I forgot the second reason.



Finally someone has the brass buttons it takes to hunt down those little bastards and cook them in some sort of stew.



Mike Fleming over at Deadline is reporting that How I Met Your Mother star and all-around man of the people Neil Patrick Harris (NPH to his friends) has signed on to star alongside a bunch of little blue dudes in The Smurfs, the Raja Gosnell (Scooby-Doo) directed adaptation of the famous kids cartoon.



The must-awaited Tron: Legacy has an official release date for December 2010. And it has some competition.



If you are an adorable young child that wants to make sure Clumsy Smurf makes it back to his village, you may have a shot at being cast in the Smurfing Smurf movie.



The little blue buggers no bigger than three apples tall are going to be hitting the big screen in all three dimensions in December of next year. You only have a year and a half to gird your loins.


Their names bring to mind the seven dwarfs and the Spice girls. They are called Smurfs and I have to ask why, in all that is holy in the world of film, is Sony Pictures Animation and Columbia, bringing them to life on the big screen?



Paramount is making a 3D CGI animated Smurfs movie! Here is a first look from the project.

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published: 01.30.2015
published: 01.30.2015
published: 01.29.2015
published: 01.28.2015

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