Sudden Death


Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; eat it, Mayans! Eat it with cheese! Yes, despite our best efforts, we’ve managed to survive another year and therefore it is once again time, in clear defiance of your best interest or our lawyer’s behests, for the Junkfood Cinema Awards. This year’s Junkies marks the third anniversary…of Film School Rejects’ editors proving monumentally lax in their duties. This year, we’ve rolled up our sleeves (because of the gravy stains) and dug deep into our own 2012  archives to craft a host of new and exciting (read: meaningless) categories for which let’s face it, there could only really have been one winner. And the winners are… …not going to like being associated with this column.


The Best Short Films

Why Watch? Sudden Death! is a triumph of concept and execution. In it, a disease spreads through L.A. County that forces people to break into song and die soon after. Two scientists afflicted with Sudden Death Syndrome race against time to fall in love and find a cure. Anchored by sweeping, Broadway-worthy songs and pitch-perfect performances from Matt Lutz and Autumn Hurlbert, it feels a bit like Airplane! and “Urine Town” mixed together with a glorious amount of people falling flat on their faces. It’s also a special treat for those of us who find the very concept of musicals absurd to begin with. And those who love seeing Doug Jones being awesome. What will it cost you? Only 19 minutes. Skip work. Watch more short films.


Under Siege 2

Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; the only thing we shamelessly rip-off is the wrapper from our Arby’s Big Beef ‘n Cheddar. This is the weekly Internet movie column that shatters the crystalline standards of good taste. We lambast a bad movie and scatter the shards of its dignity across the floor. Then, like a senile geriatric rodeo clown, we scream yippee-ki-yay Mister Tucker and run barefoot over those shards, a testament to our troubling affinity for said bad movies, an affinity that does not die with ease. Have you ever noticed how good Die Hard is? If your answer is anything other than “indubitably” or “shit yeah it is,” please give me your address so I can mail you one hundred dollars…that will probably look and feel like face punches but I promise are totally dollars. If you are among those whose faces are  not currently in danger of postal pummeling, then you recognize the sheer awesomeness of John McTiernan’s violent ode to both Hitchcock’s wrong man theme and receding hairlines. For those of you who haven’t seen it, welcome to our planet and please give my regards to Lord Zoonax. It’s the story of a sweaty, tender-footed cop who goes to visit his estranged wife during a party in the tallest building in all of Die Hard. This unfortunately timed reunion occurs just before evil crime boss Severus Snape invades the party with an veritable food court of international terrorists. John McCop must sneak through air vents, eat Twinkies, […]


Jean-Claude Van Damme in The Expendables 2

Jean-Claude Van Damme was, without a doubt, the biggest piece missing from The Expendables. You can’t have 90’s action movies without him. The word on the street was that JCVD himself turned down a role in the film over some sort of concerns over character. You may be snickering at this, but coming off the critically well received flick JCVD the Muscles of Brussels was riding high on his acting talents. Regardless of what kept him out of the first film, Van Damme landed the meaty role of Vilain who is so obviously the villain of the film and early word from reviews is that he kicks all sorts of ass in the role. Now that all is right with the world and JCVD is standing alongside the likes of similarly muscled, speech impaired stars like Stallone, Schwarzenegger, and Lundgren, it’s time to look back and relive the career of JCVD via splits and awesome movies.

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published: 01.27.2015
published: 01.27.2015
published: 01.27.2015
published: 01.27.2015

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