Spy Kids: All the Time in the World

The Worst Films of 2011

There are two things you don’t want to watch getting made – sausage and the official Film School Rejects’s year-end worst-of list. Hideous, dirty, bloody, illegal stuff; many animals die in the process (disclaimer – no animals were harmed in the making of this list). It’s a fool’s errand, a losing battle, a terrible way to dig up the past pains of the year’s biggest flops – reverse therapy for cinephiles. But damn if the results aren’t hilarious. For this year’s Worst Films of 2011 list, our own Kevin Carr and myself teamed up to pick the most wretched of the wretched, the worst of the worst, the Adam Sandler films we’re all struggling to forget. There were many emails and even more tears. I doubt we’ll ever be able to look each other in the eye again. By the time Sir Carr and I were done volleying bad films back and forth at each other via the electronic mail system like a game of cinematic badminton that absolutely no one was capable of winning (and, really, how does one win badminton?), we were far too exhausted to even attempt to number the following twenty-two films in any kind of order. No matter, they’re all bad. We’ll leave it to you, dear readers, to take to the comments to call what you think is the worst (and what we’ve, quite unforgivably, left off).

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The Reject Report

America had a fever…and the only cure…was more fever. Not cowbell this time. Steven Soderbergh’s Contagion hit audience wallets hard this weekend bringing the director his biggest opening outside of films starring Julia Roberts. Maybe there is something to that American darling. Contagion was pretty well on par with analysis, knocked The Help off of its three-week pedestal, and ended up taking the #1 spot with a feverish vengeance. Okay, enough quips about sickness. Well maybe one or two more. As far as disaster movies go, the $60m star-studded film was pretty middle of the road, fitting in as far as opening weekends go between Poseidon‘s $22.1m and Knowing‘s $24.6m. Of course, looking at that reported budget, you can tell the film will be just fine in the long run. Most of the disaster films that have much bigger openings are Summer blockbusters, most of them involving some sort of alien being blowing up national monuments. But Soderbergh proved that even with a whimper you can create an effective end-of-the-world scenario and still rake in some decent cash.

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The Reject Report

They came. They stood. They weren’t afraid of a thing. And when the dust settled, they swept that up with the rest of the competition. Here in its third weekend out, The Help continues to pull in new as well as repeat audiences, and is very close to breaking the $100m barrier. Subsequent from its opening weekend, its percentage drops have been quite impressive: 23.1% down last weekend from the weekend before and 28.4% down this weekend from last. Though future weekends might see films open big enough to knock the period drama out of the top spot, its percentage downsizing doesn’t seem likely to grow, and The Help will end up being quite the success story come year end. And that’s even before the expected Oscar nominations for it are announced. Colombiana and Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark’s numbers were somewhat flip-flopped from what I anticipated. Colombiana was the only other film besides The Help to pull in double digits this weekend, but just barely. It didn’t perform too terribly worse than Olivier Megaton’s previous film’s opening weekend. Transporter 3 debuted with $12m, and ended up topping $100m worldwide. With Luc Besson’s name attached to Colombiana as well, you can expect foreign numbers to be much more favorable than domestic.

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So many headlines that got lost after this weekend’s box office totals came in. “Conan Crushes His Enemies”. “Crom Shines on Conan the Barbarian”. There were a few others, but it’s moot now. Not only was Conan the Barbarian unable to beat out the returning power of The Help or Rise of the Planet of the Apes, the 3-D boost it had was just barely enough to get it into double digits. It was an even sadder state of affairs for Fright Night, which debuted out of the top 5.

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The Reject Report

Reject Report, what is best in life? To crush the box office, see them driven to the concession stand, and to hear the lamentation of their 3-D glasses. That is good! The Reject Report isn’t a barbarian. It probably wouldn’t even know what to do if you handed it a broadsword or told it to slay a Cimmerian Beast-Man. No, what it does is calculate the upcoming weekend’s box office, predict the winners and losers, and hears the lamentation of hundreds telling it it’s horribly wrong. This week it’s gonna be wrong about two new 3-D remakes from the ‘80s – The Reject Report’s favorite decade, BTW – the fourth in a kid’s series, and a love story starring Catwoman and that dude from Across the Universe. It’s not wrong about that, though. Jim Sturgess definitely WAS in Across the Universe. Sit back, clutch your battle axe (3-D glasses optional), and enjoy what this week’s Report has to say.

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