Spoilers

Game of Thrones season 4 finale

How are you feeling, fellow book readers? It’s entirely possible that, like many of those who have read George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire series to-date, you are feeling left out in the cold a bit. You might find that your hands are cold. Your blood may be turning black. Your Belwas might not be so strong. Your honeypot could have run dry. Your heart, full of stone. If you’re caught in that ever-frustrating book reader loop that involves focusing on what the show didn’t give you rather than enjoying what it has given you, this season four finale of Game of Thrones might spell trouble. But enough of this advanced recapping cryptology. Let’s get into these Game of Thrones spoilers.

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The Viper and The Mountain

Moving is hard work, especially when you’re a chubby blogger who doesn’t normally lift things and has an affinity for buying heavy things. Though even through all the strife of moving into a new home, there’s no large bookshelf that’s quite so heavy as the weight of the nice man from the cable company telling me that my cable wouldn’t be installed in time to watch the latest episode of Game of Thrones. You see, it wasn’t just about being timely or being able to come through with my weekly column on the subject, it was about knowing what was coming… There was no way I was missing the fight between The Mountain and The Viper. Luckily I’ve got great friends with quality internet connections and HBO Go logins, so the day was ultimately saved. Weary from my moving adventure and with a system pumped with muscle relaxers, I settled in for what I and any book reader knew would be one of the more brutal and explosive episodes of the entire series. And now it’s time to have a little Game of Thrones spoilers chat about it.

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Game of Thrones spoilers: season 4, episode 6

“But now the rains weep o’er his hall,with no one there to hear.” It was quite the eventful week on Game of Thrones, so let’s talk some spoilers. But first, some ground rules for our spoilers discussion. Rule #1: if you don’t want to be spoiled with book knowledge, wild speculation, unfettered access to wikis and message boards and other guesswork informed by our deep analysis of George R.R. Martin’s psyche, you may want to stop reading. No really, stop here where it’s safe. Rule #2: Always choose trial by combat.

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Tyrion in Oathbreaker

Even after writing 1,200 feverishly-typed words last night in my Game of Thrones recap, there is still more to say. In this instance, I’ve taken a second long look at this week’s episode “Oathkeeper” and decided that I need to speak to my fellow book readers for a moment. Why? Because these are thoughts I need to share with the world and because there’s so much in last night’s episode that is intriguing beyond what we know from the books that it feels like the right time to get spoilery. That said, consider this your very last warning. If you continue reading beyond this point you will be subjected to knowledge of all books in the A Song of Ice and Fire series, all aired episodes of Game of Thrones and plenty of wild speculation mixed with educated guesses about what is going to happen next.

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Spoilers

Just when it seems to have died down, the debate over spoilers flairs right back up again, like a pesky form of a physical ailment that – unlike spoilers – isn’t likely to be mentioned in mixed company. The rise and proliferation of social media has made the spread of spoilers even more virulent, totally off-hand, and hard to avoid. Live in Los Angeles and love a show like Mad Men? Better stay off the ol’ Twitter machine while the other time zones watch it (and, no, I am not being sarcastic here – I’ve lived in Los Angeles, and I managed to stay the hell off of social media during “important” television events, and no, it’s really not that hard). Highly anticipating a film? Keep away from pals who have already seen it (or maybe just tell them “no spoilers, pals, okay?”). Prone to accidentally overhearing big-time spoilers because you’ve got super hearing? We cannot help with that, but it actually sounds cool. We’ve covered spoilers pretty heavily over the years, including exploring the science of spoilers and the truth about twists, we’ve cautioned against Twitter, and even given “the final word” on the matter, though I’ve mainly stayed out of the fray. It’s high time I admit my stance on spoilers: I don’t mind them a bit. Well, mostly. In fact, there’s been a few I’ve actually loved. It should go without saying that spoilers follow (and, if you’ve somehow gotten this far and now realized what you’ve gotten yourself into, those spoilers apply to […]

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Spring Break 83 Movie

The best movie culture writing from around the internet-o-sphere. There will be a quiz later. Just leave a tab open for us, will ya?

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The Secret in Their Eyes

In this corner of the world, and in this particular industry, spoilers are an unforgivable sin. They are tantamount to murder, to crimes against humanity, to leaving a flaming bag of poop on a clean and unsullied doorstep. I myself once nearly punched a computer screen after the wrong series of clicks led me to a leaked Breaking Bad spoiler. So an article like “Why I Refuse to Watch Movies Without Spoilers,” sticks out — partly because it’s so radically against the grain, and partly because it’s already been featured on this site, in a Required Reading last week. In the piece, one Esther Inglis-Arkell argues against the great status quo of the pop culture world. She spoils it all. Other than the occasional half-hour TV comedy, she’ll pre-read the ending to anything and everything she consumes, claiming it to be the better experience. Obviously, to get the best idea of her argument, you should just read the piece, but here’s a quick summary anyway:

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Back to the Future 2

The best movie culture writing from around the internet-o-sphere. There will be a quiz later. Just leave a tab open for us, will ya?

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Joss Whedon Impossible

The best movie culture writing from around the internet-o-sphere. Just leave a tab open for us, will ya?

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Repentance offers a golden opportunity to everyone who’s already seen Misery, but would like to see it again with Forest Whitaker instead of Kathy Bates. Sure, there may be a couple other slight alterations too. Anthony Mackie‘s writer protagonist deals in self-help books, not novels. Whitaker breaks the agreed-upon rules of “kidnapping your favorite author to magically fix all your problems” by throwing in a couple of extra kidnappings down the line (totally not cool). And there’s also a scary ghost mom that may or may not be a hallucination. But the idea’s the same: fan loves author, fan kidnaps author, fan tortures author in ways relating to author’s most popular book. Go ahead and check out the trailer below.

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Breaking Bad

That sound you heard coming from your computer, your phone, your tablet, your whosiwhatsit, and your web-enabled whatever over this weekend was the collective noise kicked up by the Internet as it broke, and broke in the best way possible – from joy! While television’s beloved Breaking Bad ended earlier this year, AMC’s game-changing series still has plenty of treats to offer its loyal fans, even if one of them leaked a touch too early on the interwebs. Fans of the Bryan Cranston-starring show have long toyed with a good-natured “theory” that the end of Breaking Bad would lead into the beginning of Cranston’s other well-known series, Malcolm in the Middle, with his Walter White going underground before turning into Malcolm’s dearly dysfunctional dad Hal. It was certainly a fun idea, if not a totally improbable one, but it seems as if the team behind Breaking Bad took it to heart, filming a jokey alternate ending to the series that sees Cranston reprising his Hal role, alongside Malcolm wife Jane Kaczmarek, and firmly nodding to the fan theory. It’s very funny and very clever – and it’s also very satisfying, and not just because it’s amusing.

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Blue is the Warmest Color

The best movie culture writing from around the internet-o-sphere. Just leave a tab open for us, will ya?

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FILM JOCKEYS HEADER

What happens when a legendary film critic brings is geriatric crankiness to an internet movie show? Film Jockeys follows the adventures of Carl Barker, his far-too-young production staff, the filmmakers and the movie characters that inhabit their world. Written and illustrated by Derek Bacon, it’s the perfect webcomic for passionate fans who want Carl’s Complaint Corner to be a real thing. For your consideration, Episode #24:

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The Usual Suspects

It’s pretty much impossible to avoid movie/TV spoilers these days, and that’s just a sad reality. Is it the worst thing? Not even close, but that doesn’t mean that those who partake in the spoiling are anything less than pricks. Still, is it possible they’re simply confused pricks? Pricks unknowingly trafficking in the art of premature infojaculation? The past week has seen two interesting discussions arise on the subject, and both of them stem from Tom Cruise’s new film Oblivion. The first one appeared on Twitter as people who had seen early screenings of the film shared their 140-character-long opinions as to what other movies this one reminded them of. They weren’t explicitly stating plot points, but in naming certain, specific movies in their comparisons, those plot points were made implicit and obvious. The second issue was voiced a few days ago by Calum Marsh in a post on Film.com about how film critics shouldn’t care about spoiling a film for their readers. There’s a kernel of truth to his point, but it’s drowned out by the rest of what he says (and how he says it). In both cases the originators claim these circumstances aren’t worthy of being called a real spoiler. In both cases these people are wrong. Before we go any further though, know that there will in fact be spoilers below for Oblivion and Moon as well as a handful of older movies (I’m talking decades old), so consider this your spoiler warning. See how easy that is, […]

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FILM JOCKEYS HEADER

What happens when a legendary film critic brings is geriatric crankiness to an internet movie show? Film Jockeys follows the adventures of Carl Barker, his far-too-young production staff, the filmmakers and the movie characters that inhabit their world. Written and illustrated by Derek Bacon, it’s the perfect webcomic for passionate movie fans who also hate spoilers. For your consideration, Episode #16:

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thesixthsense1999720pbr

Less than two years ago, scientists at UC San Diego made the “discovery” that spoilers don’t matter. Not only did they find that stories aren’t ruined by knowing the ending but that people prefer stories when they know the ending. That sounded like hogwash to a lot of us, and to a degree the study was faulted. For one thing, it doesn’t really apply to anything but short stories, as that’s the only medium employed. And on top of that, these short stories weren’t of much significance to the participating subjects. The people weren’t invested in the stories, which makes a huge difference according to a more in-depth look at spoilers in a new article at The Atlantic. Change the studied medium to a series finale of a TV show the subjects had been watching for years (or at least many seasons’ worth of episodes), and you’ll surely see different results. Even then, there are always a number of factors to consider. One thing the UCSD study got correct, not that it was a revelation, is that good storytelling throughout is more important than plot, especially a plot’s conclusion. That is what matters most to enjoyment, regardless of the medium, and what makes us return to certain stories over and over. But if you consider the way we relate to stories, the return to some works can also be more akin to revisiting our past, thinking back on a memory or watching an old home movie. Even if you’re re-reading […]

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Channel Guide - Large

In 2010, after the release of the largely panned Cop Out, Kevin Smith tweeted a short but passionate polemic against movie critics (that most loathsome subsect of the human species who sit up in their ivory towers and pass judgments), writing, “From now on, any flick I’m ever involved with, I conduct screenings thusly: you wanna see it early to review it? Fine: pay like you would if you saw it next week. Like, why am I giving an arbitrary 500 people power over what I do at all, let alone for free [?] Why’s their opinion more valid?” In the interest of full disclosure, I have attended free press screenings, but I still think that Smith’s gripe had merit. Spoilers with Kevin Smith, a new Hulu original series that debuted on the site Monday, is the director’s attempt to fix the “backwards system” that perturbed him so. The web talk show’s mission? As Smith puts it on his blog, “we don’t review movies on Spoilers; we revere them.”

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Back in the late 1990s, you only had two options for discussing movies. You could hang out with friends in the parking lot or late night waffle hut afterward, complaining about nipples on Batman, or you could go online to sites like Aint It Cool and Movie Poop Shoot to give unbridled, anonymous opinions slathered with as much cursing vitriol as you pleased. That’s what the internet has given us. A tool to help social uprisings, and a forum for hiding your identity while calling Joel Schumacher a “douchenozzle.” That wide-ranging usefulness is a thing of beauty, and Kevin Smith is seeking to tap into it with his new show, Spoilers. The set up is simple: Smith will amass a crowd of 50 movie fans to watch a film and then discuss it afterward. Smith will play ringmaster, and members of the opinion-loaded audience will get to share to their heart’s content. In short? It’s the comments section come to life. Of course, that’s not all the show has up its sleeves.

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The legendary Cloris Leachman is a salty woman with brass buttons. Her latest conquest is the suspense thriller – working alongside, seriously, Tara Reid in The Fields. Kevin Carr sits down the Oscar winner to discuss what scares her, her work with Mel Brooks and why she owns a porn shop in an upcoming movie. Plus, Eric D. Snider and Rob Hunter go head to head Movie News Pop Quiz-style, and the discussion turns to spoiler sensitivity. Download Episode #130

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Boiling Point

Some big time shows are finally back on the air and with them has come an air of excitement and, of course, the urge to share your opinion of what happened with everyone in the entire world, because you have something of value to offer. Like a 140 character recap of what happened! You should be a writer. I am smiling so smugly right now. For better or worse (definitely worse), Twitter and Facebook are things that are going to stick around. Whether or not we even like them, we use them. They’re how we connect with friends both close and distant and they keep us abreast (a breast, hahahahaha) of what’s currently going on in the world, like why you hate waking up, how bad your dog’s fart smells, what you ate for lunch, and that question you have that you typed into Twitter instead of Google. Unfortunately, one of the things that goes on is television. And movies. On different timetables. We all get excited about entertainment, that’s why we’re here together on this site right now. But I think we can all agree that spoiling stuff makes you a dick. So here’s the thing about tweeting television….

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