Slasher

Junkfood Cinema - Large

Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; our bubblegum is teeming with spider eggs. Legend tells of a bad movie column that resides in the darkest, stormiest parts of the internet. They say on this very day many years ago, a bad movie was murdered in this column. It was mocked mercilessly for all of its innumerable faults in what was supposed to be a prank, but things got out of hand. The perpetrator, JFC, tried to bury the evidence (i.e. their love for the movie), but it came back. When it comes to schlocky movies, like a car door handle at the end of a particularly silly 50s cautionary tale, JFC is hooked.  That affinity for awfulness should serve as warning to others…that we have an affinity for awful. To celebrate our addiction, we will guzzle down all the pop rocks and soda we can find, or some other snack food themed to the film that won’t dissolve our insides…quite as quickly. There are plenty of myths and tall tales swirling about the collective human consciousness, this one however is horrifyingly true. It occurred in the ancient era, in the time before time: September, 1998. According to the elders, it was a strange time to be alive. A man called William the Clinton was ruling our land, diamondbacks and devil rays were added to the field of professional baseball, and humankind was presented with the unfortunate task of choosing between Armageddon and Deep Impact. As the story goes, autumn’s arrival was […]

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31 Days of Horror - October 2011

They said it couldn’t be done. A fifth year of 31 Days of Horror? 31 more terror, gore and shower scene-filled movies worth highlighting? But Rejects always say die and never back away from a challenge (unless you count that time Neil Miller was challenged to identify three stories FSR had posted in the last week other than his own), so we’ve rounded up the horror fans among us and put together another month’s worth of genre fun. Enjoy! Synopsis: A documentary crew in a small Illinois town follow the training and preparation of Leslie Mancuso, a regular guy who just so happens to be planning on joining the serial killing ranks of Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger. What starts as innocent documentation soon morphs from excitement to a life and death struggle.

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The Best Short Films

Why Watch? Admittedly, a lot of throwback films are trashy and awful because the gimmick is used to mask a lack of skill. In the case of this experimental short film (which acts as a music video for a super catchy Beaujolais song), filmmaker Josh Johnson uses the style and the commitment to shooting with a VHS camcorder to highlight his abilities. Featuring a trio of girls attempting to throw a party and a masked killer, it’s more fun than frightening, but it all adds up to a bloody good time you can nod your head to before it gets chopped off your body. What will it cost? Only 7 minutes. Skip Work. You’ve Got Time For More Short Films

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How’d you like to be killed by Elijah Wood? You would have never seen it coming. For one, he’s one of the nicer guys on the planet. For two, we already saw how sneaky a murderer he can be in Sin City. He’ll most likely be a bit louder, ripping blood out of its veiny home in Franck Khalfoun‘s Maniac remake, though. Apparently, he’s also going to be slicing open mannequin heads. Just as everyone hoped he would. And co-star Nora Arnezeder will horrifyingly talk on a cell phone! Check out these first images from the production:

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The Coroner

Genre buddy and fellow root canal survivor Rob Hunter came to my aid this week when it was time for title selection. I was stupidly about to put in The Wild Hunt, which has something to do with LARPing and virgins or something, when the Foreign Objects author suggested I try something a little more sub-titled. Dream Home is the story about the American dream taking place in Hong Kong. Young Cheng Lai-sheung (Josie Ho) is a phone representative for a bank in Hong Kong and all she wants out of life is a nice flat with a view of the ocean for her ailing grandfather to live in. She’ll stop at nothing to get that home, from scraping together every penny and working two extra jobs. After raising enough capital to buy into the flat, the sellers decide to ask for more money and Cheng reacts completely reasonably. For a psychopath.

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Since it’s number 13, and we’ve all been infected with the Horror virus around these parts, this week’s column will be bloody and terribly scary. Well, not scary exactly (though I’m sure it could give Wes Craven’s decidedly non-trouser-messing recent stuff a good run for its money), but, like, dedicated to Halloween. Next week, with it being the last column before All Hallow’s Eve, I’ll be looking at some costumes you can pick up from the world of horror movies, so this week it’s all about murderous merch. Scary swag. Ghoulish goodies. And loads of other not-funny, but pleasant alliterative phrases in the same mold…

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31 Days of Horror - October 2011

When the calendar page turns to October, we Rejects have only one thought: horror. To celebrate this grandest and darkest of months, we’ll cover one excellent horror film a day for the entirety of the month. That’s 31 Days of Horror and 31 Films perfect for viewing on a dark, chilly, October night. If you, like us, love horror and Halloween, give us a Hell Yeah and keep coming every day this month for a new dose of adrenaline. Synopsis From the brilliant mind of Shane Meadows, Dead Man’s Shoes is a vengeance-soaked slasher, told from the perspective of the slasher, and as raw as an exposed nerve in places. It focuses on Richard (played by the inimitable Paddy Considine), who returns from seven years military service to his hometown in a town within Meadows’s particularly grim version of modern Britain. His intentions become clear very quickly, as he seeks to confront a gang of locals who have committed some unspoken attrocity on his mentally disabled brother, Anthony (Toby Kebell), who follows him around as he stalks and terrorises those responsible with increased ferocity. The film is underpinned by a piquant and ominous dread, as the secret of what happened to Anthony is slowly revealed, as Richard’s venom intensifies, and his vengeful acts of retribution cut a bloody swathe through the Midlands landscape.

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A young woman slinks downstairs in her underwear to fix another drink, recover from some bad sex and turn on some music. The secluded house far away from any city limit sign offers a perfect opportunity to crank of the volume without any close neighbors calling the cops. When her sugar daddy finds her dead body, he’ll also find a message for him scrawled on the sliding glass doors in blood. Thus begins You’re Next. This blood-splattered couple is just the appetizer though. The real focus of the film is a neighboring family that puts the “fun” back in “constantly bitching.” Paul Davison (Rob Moran) and Aubrey (the legendary Barbara Crampton) are father and mother to the brood. Drake (Joe Swanberg) is the ass-kissing mess stuffed into a turtle neck, Aimee (Amy Seimetz) is the perpetual Daddy’s Girl even in her adulthood, Felix (Nicholas Tucci) is the disaffected middle child of history, and Crispian (A.J. Bowen) is the ridiculously-named good son who acts as our entryway into a night that’s meant to celebrate 35 of marriage but will be invaded by figures in animal masks who only mean harm.

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It is a known fact that the Alamo Drafthouse is one of the best places to watch a movie on planet Earth. That said, sometimes the confines of a movie theater are too restrictive for the level of awesome that the Drafthouse wants to achieve. The Rolling Roadshow was born as a result and it was good. Junkfood Cinema auteur Brian Salisbury and I had decided to sample this year’s offerings together. So it was with thoughts of cold Shiner Bock and hot chainsaws that we found ourselves driving out to Kingsland on a warm Texas evening for the second stop on the Alamo’s annual Rolling Roadshow tour. Kingsland, for those who are unaware, is the site of the now infamous house used in Tobe Hooper’s classic horror film The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. While shooting originally took place just north of Austin around Round Rock, the house was moved to Kingsland in the 90s to avoid demolition. In any case, it is the very house used in the film and there was something eerie about seeing the house on a large inflatable projector mere feet away from the actual building. Being able to glance back and forth and notice small details made for quite a cool experience.

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Junkfood Cinema

After watching your third hour of golf (that Mcllroy sure can play!) and giving your father the same tie from last year, enjoy this special Sunday edition of Junkfood Cinema in honor of all of the fathers that didn’t try to murder us and move on to the next family. Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; your mother and I are very disappointed in you. Kids, fetch me my slippers and my flagon of Scotch because it’s time for me to tell you about another fantastically bad movie. Stop that whining and sit still while I breakdown the birds and the bees of what exactly makes this movie so bad. Then, if you finish all your chores and refrain from soiling yourselves for once, I will tell you all about what makes me love that same movie so much. Finally, I will whip up an appropriately themed snack food item to ensure your wild, sugar-induced frenzy just as you are supposed to be getting ready for bed. As today is Father’s Day, this week’s very special treat is The Stepfather 2.

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If you pay attention to these things, you’d know that June 16th was the 51st anniversary of the release of Psycho – a movie that changed one man’s legacy, the fate of a genre, and the creation of a new subgenre. So why didn’t I post the trailer then? Probably the same reason I didn’t post anything at all yesterday: we all go a little crazy sometime. In this phenomenal, long-form teaser trailer, Alfred Hitchcock takes us on a tour around the Bates Motel as well as the house on the hill where he explains that a few horrific events have taken place. It’s a promise that we’ll get to see those events when the movie hits theaters. Yet, no one will be allowed in after the movie starts. (Another thing this movie changed forever.) If you dig this trailer (you will) and the movie (you do), you’ll enjoy this coming Wednesday’s episode of Reject Radio where I’ll be discussing Psycho‘s production and legacy with expert Stephen Rebello. Tune in and find out what Janet Leigh did to John Gavin on the bedroom set. For now, just enjoy Hitch’s soothing voice:

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Coroner

It’s Thanksgiving in January as The Coroner catches up with this fowl-mouthed holiday treat.

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When the calendar page turns to October, we Rejects have only one thought: horror. To celebrate this grandest and darkest of months, we’ll cover one excellent horror film a day for the entirety of the month. That’s 31 Days of Horror and 31 Films perfect for viewing on a dark, chilly, October night. If you, like us, love horror and Halloween, give us a Hell Yeah and keep coming every day this month for a new dose of adrenaline. Synopsis: Local Tom Harringer returns to his hometown after a long absence following an accidental mine collapse he caused, that set of a chain of events that lead to his father brutally murdering 22 people. Now, on the anniversary of the massacre, a man dressed as a miner is terrorizing the town, Tom, and everyone he holds dear. Killer Scene: The Miner does his best to ruin a lot of people’s days and does a good job of it. There are a few moments where his kills are cheer worthy – though some might also cheer at the fully nude 3D sex scene. My bid for the best moment comes shortly after that (and a pair of kills) when the diminutive motel keeper comes to investigate some strange noises and ends up catching a pick-axe to the chin which drives her into a ceiling light which then electrocutes her as well.

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Coroner

If there’s a horror trilogy that doesn’t get enough love, it’s Sleepaway Camp. Wait, actually no, there are four of those now. Okay, so if there’s a horror trilogy that doesn’t get enough love, it’s Slumber Party Massacre. Now, these Roger Corman produced films aren’t necessarily great, but they hit all the notes a good slasher film should hit. There’s a great deal of nudity, a good bit of gore, and a peculiar weapon- in this instance, a three-foot long drill. The first installment follows a group of high school girls having a, you guessed it, slumber party, which is rudely interrupted by an escaped psycho killer and his drill. You can  guess where it goes from there – the bad guy tries to stick his very phallic weapon into the women. The women don’t want it. Tough.

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When the calendar page turns to October, we Rejects have only one thought: horror. To celebrate this grandest and darkest of months, we’ll cover one excellent horror film a day for the entirety of the month. That’s 31 Days of Horror and 31 Films perfect for viewing on a dark, chilly, October night. If you, like us, love horror and Halloween, give us a Hell Yeah and keep coming every day this month for a new dose of adrenaline. Synopsis: Picking up about a frame after the events of the first film, Victory Crowley is still in full effect when it comes to killing people in the swamps of Louisiana. Marybeth manages to narrowly avoid death at the hands of Hatchetface, slipping away back to the Reverend Zombie’s shop looking for answers. Intent on recovering the bodies of her deceased relatives, and getting some revenge, Marybeth teams up with a band of hunters to bring back the head of Crowley. Yeah, that ain’t gonna happen.

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Coroner

Back in 2006 I had the great pleasure of viewing Hatchet in theaters, something not many people can claim. At the time, I had an immense amount of fun with the flick. Whether it was the movie, the film festival, or Kane Hodder sitting behind me like a behemoth, I was into it. Press fast forward on the button of life and it’s 2010 and this “old school American horror” flick is available in the high definition Blu-ray format, courtesy of Anchor Bay. If you’re unfamiliar with the title, Adam Green’s first foray into features follows a group of young twenty-somethings, and a few older folks, as they journey into the swamps of Louisiana on a haunted tour. As any learned horror fan would expect, soon things go south and Victor Crowley, the local boogey man, is tearing them limb from limb.

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Psycho Alfred Hitchcock 50 Years

In 1999, I was suffering from the early waves of insomnia. Almost every night, I would try to count sheep or hum softly, but on most nights I succumbed to turning on my television to see what might lull me into sleep. Fortunately, my insomnia lasted well into the Fall when I ended up turning on the television one particular night and catching a black and white film that would change my life.

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Fat Guys at the Movies

Neil wets his pants in terror after watching A Nightmare on Elm Street and Kevin acts like a grumpy, old man, bemoaning how it doesn’t live up to the glorious 80s. They also dish out some war stories about how they were traumatized by Furry Vengeance.

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coronersreport_newheader

The Coroner returns with a now classic look at the real ‘new beginning’ of the Friday the 13th franchise – the introduction of the supernatural killer as we now know and love him.

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31daysofhorror-reckoning

The Coroner jumps back into the 31 Days of Horror mix, bringing with him a self-aware slasher with quite the reputation preceding it already.

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