Sharktopus

Game of Thrones Board Game

What is Movie News After Dark? It’s a nightly column dedicated to the cool, the weird, the entertaining, the brief, the good, the bad and the ugly of the entertainment news world. Also, there’s some philosophical talk about Sharktopus, because that’s just how the Internet rolls. We begin this evening with an image of a handmade Game of Thrones board game that is absolutely fabulous. Created by Fay Helfer, it’s basically a Risk board in the shape and detail of Westeros. And it’s brilliant.

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Drinking Games

How scary is an octopus? Pretty scary if you meet one in the water. How scary are sharks? Really scary, especially if you’ve seen enough of the Jaws films. So a cross between a shark and an octopus – a “sharktopus,” if you will – has got to be terrifying! Well, not really. In fact, it looks rather goofy. But we expect that sort of thing from legendary low-budget producer Roger Corman. The ridiculous sci-fi horror film Sharktopus is now available on DVD and Blu-ray, and the result is an amazing hybrid of shark and octopus, symbolic of the amazing hybrid of Roger Corman and Syfy original movies. Best enjoyed intoxicated, of course.

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Boiling Point

While I’ve talked about shitty CGI before, and countless others across the world of media have as well, there’s always time to take a few minutes and remind the world that CGI can often suck monster donkey balls. I’m not just talking in a made for TV SyFy kind of way either. Or a TV show stretching itself a little too thin. Or The Asylum. I mean, sometimes CGI does make sense. It saves actual shooting time. If done correctly, you may even save some money. It can definitely let smaller films do bigger things. A practical Sharktopus would never be able to run around and populate a shitty movie. A CGI one can, and does. Horribly. But I’ll give it a grab. Mainly my gripe today is big movies. Or movies with a budget. Movies that can take the time to use practical effects. Or pay for better CGI. Or just make smarter decisions because there are theoretically a lot of savvy and experienced people on board. I guess that means I’m still pretty naive when True Grit, the disappointing film that somehow garnered 10 Academy Award Nominations (Oscar loves some Coen shaft), takes the road most traveled by throwing in a few dozen CGI rattlesnakes that look like digital, wet spaghetti.

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Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; and a very special welcome back to me. I have returned, at least for this week. As I am currently ensconced in the trenches of Fantastic Fest, and doing my best to avoid getting into a broken bottle fight with Nacho Vigalando, it’s been awhile since I have helmed this beloved column of mine. For those unfamiliar with this feature, every week I tend the fields of schlock and harvest an especially bad movie over which I fawn while you sit amazed at my lack of taste. To make matters worse, I pair each film with a disgustingly delicious snack food item to emphasize the so-good-it’ll-make-you-obese nature of these films. So Fantastic Fest, in its infinite wisdom, provided the perfect fodder for this week’s Junkfood Cinema with the unholy creation that is Sharktopus. Genetic biologists manufacture a hilariously unnatural combination of shark and octopus in an effort get a few more people to pay attention to the Syfy Channel. Things go wrong, unimportant lives are lost, everyone goes home happy…except the aforementioned dead folks.

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