Last week, the world reeled at the thought of a powerful hurricane creating freak tornadoes that would scoop up dozens of man-eating sharks and deposit them onto dry land. The idea of a sharknado probably never occurred to anyone outside of the production offices of The Asylum, until the Syfy Original Movie Sharknado hit the air on July 11th. The movie tells the (possibly) unlikely story of a global-warming-fueled hurricane that strikes the coast of Southern California. This unprecedented hurricane spawns a line of tornadoes that fling sharks across Los Angeles, and the only people who can stop them are Ian Ziering and Tara Reid. Were this real life, we’d be screwed. (Pinning humanity’s hope on drop outs from Beverly Hills 90210 and the American Pie franchise has almost never worked out.) However, that got us thinking: should we be worried about a Sharknado really happening? Shouldn’t we be planning for its imminent arrival?



A man eating, woman mauling, child munching Great White shark terrorizes beach goers off the coastline of a quaint little beach front town called Amity. It would seem a no brainer the town and tourists would be warned to stay out of the water but there’s money at stake. The shark looming out in the waters of this coastal town threatens not only swimmers, but the profitable July fourth holiday. Chief of Police, Martin Brody, Roy Scheider, is more than a little concerned when he sees the remains of the shark’s first known victim washed ashore after the first attack. But the Mayor, Murray Hamilton, doesn’t want to hear it. Too much money will be lost from tourism if the public is made aware of the man eater hunting off of Amity’s coast. A marine biologist, Richard Dreyfuss hears about the Great White and comes to warn the town of the danger they face. He’s also more than a little curious to see the giant man-eater that’s on the loose.



If you were looking for the camp that a school of piranhas could deliver, look elsewhere. The new trailer for Shark Night 3D makes it clear that the filmmakers aren’t joking around (no matter what the title might make you believe). Kids. A lack of clothing. Water sports. Actual water sports. Sadly, there are sharks infesting the waters, and from the looks of the trailer, they might not have just wandered up from the estuary.


Heidi Montag's Breasts

Chuck Norris’ tears may cure cancer, but can his boobs kill sharks? Doubtful. Enter the 3D breasts of former Hills star Heidi Montag. They can kill sharks. Take that, Walker Texas Ranger.



If you’re like me, you’ve been glued to Discovery Channel all week checking out all the fantastic shark action. If you need a break though, yet demand more sharks, here are a few films that should keep you from heading to the ocean (or to the deep end of the pool) for a while.



If you’re a real man, you’ve already pieced together that I’m talking about Deep Blue Sea 2.

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published: 01.28.2015
published: 01.28.2015
published: 01.28.2015
published: 01.27.2015

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