Shark Week

megalodon whale

Just as with box office figures, you can’t always gauge actual popularity from TV ratings. For example, on Sunday night Discovery Channel earned its greatest Shark Week ratings ever in the event’s 26 years. But a whole lot of longtime fans of the annual programming stunt aren’t happy with what they watched: a feature-length “documentary” about how prehistoric megalodons are still around, millions of years after they’ve been believed to be extinct. This special, titled Megalodon: The Monster Shark Lives, was all fake, fairly obviously so, yet there was hardly a disclaimer stating such. Some were fooled, others felt like they were meant to be fooled and many simply found it completely counter to what they expect from both the channel and the event. Viewers angrily took to the network’s Facebook page to complain. Wil Wheaton called for an apology. Science writers criticized the content choice for further harming the very sort of conservation efforts Shark Week originally intended to support. But hey, Discovery got what they wanted.

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Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; constantly in need of a bigger boat. Remember when Junkfood Cinema only covered crusty old cheese that you didn’t care about or crappy movies out of theaters just long enough to have completely vanished from your consciousness forever? Those were good times, simpler times. You were safe from it as long as you stayed in the boat and didn’t venture into my usual feeding grounds. But now, like some God-awful 3D gimmick, I am bursting through your computer screen and invading your local movie theater to take a massive bite out of a brand new movie. I will chomp apart all of this film’s many, many faults and drag it down to a watery grave. But then, like Matt Hooper, my love for this movie refuses to stay submerged and comes bubbling to the surface. I’ll wrap it up by chumming the waters with a tasty snack food themed to the film. Today’s Catch: Shark Night 3D It is a true rarity that brand new movies, in those fancy shmancy multiplexes with their hoity toity 3Ds, XDs, and D-students, perfectly exemplify the core values of Junkfood Cinema. But in the case of Shark Night 3D, the confines of a traditional review would simply do no justice to the complex, near-paradoxical experience of seeing this terrible/amazing film in a theater and, despite all its best efforts, loving it so much that you unironically hope it wins an Oscar so that a hundred more movies just like […]

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SharkListHeader

If you’re like me, you’ve been glued to Discovery Channel all week checking out all the fantastic shark action. If you need a break though, yet demand more sharks, here are a few films that should keep you from heading to the ocean (or to the deep end of the pool) for a while.

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published: 10.30.2014
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published: 10.29.2014
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published: 10.27.2014
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published: 10.24.2014
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