Sex

Last week I explored how emotionally and physically painful losing one’s virginity is for the ladies. The women discussed all held on to their v-cards like prized pies at a county fair, and when they gave it up disaster often struck. Be it mass suicide, unwanted pregnancy, abortion, or (worse yet) feelings, each movie addressed this entirely relatable coming-of-age experience. While many of us look back at our first time through rose-colored glasses, it was watching movies growing up that helped us come to terms with what happens to our bodies, feelings, and sexual futures. Thank god, for every female virginity tale, there are female sex positive films, family friendly fantasies, and Golden Years send-offs. But what about the boys? Unlike women centric virginity films, the boy’s story is often considered awkward, comical, and down-right head slap inducing. Why are boys never given as much respect in sexual awakening stories as the girls, who consequentially are considered fragile glass eggs. I could sit here and list off all the hilarious comedies where a terribly geeky boy not only kisses but fucks the girl of his dream, but I think there is something deeper to explore in these movies.  Losing our virginity is a push into adulthood, an emotional journey for some and anticlimactic for others. But no matter what sex for the first time only makes us want it more.

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If I could finish that time machine taking up space in my guest room to travel back to visit college-aged Gwen I think the first thing I would tell her would be to take more notes in her Film Studies classes. Remarkably she would need them nearly five years later. All those hours spent in the dusty, haunted film book section of the library stacks devouring the almost forgotten tomes detailing women’s objectification in cinema, the battle between art and pornography, and the influence of 1960s era sexploitation films on modern day moviemaking would definitely not be for naught. I still have vivid memories of discovering there were in fact sexy movies being made before 1970, and they were considered treasured celluloid artifacts. In 1966 the previously used American rating standard known as the Hays Code was traded out in favor of the industry-wide rating system we now know. While the studios got used to this new form of self-governing rather than censoring, many controversial films passed through to receive national distribution. Audiences could now attend sexual charged films just as easily as they could a family-friendly picture. By the time the rating system really got its legs in the late 1960s to early 70s it was too late. The country had had a taste of something always featured off-screen, and they wanted more. In the coming weeks I’m going to explore each decade’s contribution to modern-day exploration of sex on screen. I chose to start in the middle, mostly […]

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Of many preferred professions, I find chefs to be on the right end of the hotness scale. Their passion for food translates into multiple areas of life and it’s hard not to get swept away into a blissful utopia where calories don’t count but your opinion of that chocolate mousse does. As you may have guessed, I have been suckered into this world once or twice, and unlike the obsessions of mine that turned sour, my chef love remains. I had high expectations for the Catherine Zeta-Jones and Aaron Eckhart led kitchen romance No Reservations. Two hot-tempered executive chefs forced together to run one kitchen sounded almost as steamy as angry sex in the Grey’s Anatomy on-call room. The potential for secret glances over chopping boards and mutual arousal from yelling at their sous chef seemed inevitable. However, the movie wasn’t about the sexy times of these two hot chefs. Rather it was more about Zeta-Jones’ Kate and Eckhart’s Nick learning to put aside their ambition and realize what’s important in life. Sex and cooking go hand-in-hand, so thankfully the couple does partake in a few tingly make-out moments and fade-to-black sex scenes. But most of the movie’s heavy petting is left for the dough in the prep oven. Tough lady chefs like Zeta-Jones’ Kate are modeled after real chefs, but that doesn’t mean Hollywood has been quick to allow women to be tough and sexy on screen. On the contrary, many movies featuring female cooks have been just that—cooks.

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I know what you’re thinking: “That’s not what the regulation Sex Scouts uniform looks like! Couldn’t this production have done any research?!” And you’d be right, but you’d be missing the point. In Elektra Luxx, Carla Gugino reprises her role as the titular porn star who has given up the business for baby. And, yes, it’s hers. The funny, sexy, strange, soap-y comedy was written and directed by Sebastian Gutierrez as the meat of a Women in Trouble and Women in Ecstasy trilogy. It’s got the same heart, ovaries and potty mouth as the first, and it now has more Joseph Gordon-Levitt as a sex blogger. Check out the surprisingly not-red-band trailer for yourself:

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The first images of the X trailer are scintillating. They’re seductive. Co-writer/Director Jon Hewitt follows up his serial killing blackmail thriller Acolytes with a new flick about the dangerous, tawdry world of prostitution and call girls. It looks absolutely gripping, and the promise of violence will undoubtedly be kept with Hewitt at the helm, but watch out for this trailer. As soon as it slips off its little black dress, it pulls a gun on you.

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Black Swan Movie

Every time Nina Sayers gets near sex, something terrible happens. It is the focal point catalyst for almost every major event of Black Swan – where a character is forced to grow up in the most violent way possible. For a bulk of the film, this character – brought to life by Natalie Portman – is passive about the world around her. Nina’s mother has kept her in a state of arrested development, her boss relegates her to the background as he pleases, and even when she’s given a chance to shine, she is unable to do so because of the psychological barriers she faces. All of those barriers are brought down by sex. A few more are created because of it.

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Breaking Dawn and the rest of its Twilight counterparts are infinitely fascinating because they stand as artistic entries dealing with gruesome subject matter (the love included) that’s aimed squarely at a young teen audience. So far, there’s been a profound emptiness in the movies, but since each installment has been inevitable, there’s been a flicker of a glimmer of a spark of some hope that it would be better than its predecessors. That hope still exists for the two part final entry, but USA Today is reporting that the film will be walking the fine line of shooting for a PG-13 sex scene and birthing scene. The question of how they’ll pull that off will make a major impact on the quality of the movie. Assuming the other parts of the movie are also quality. The point is that it could be the nail in the coffin or the scene that brings everything together. This glosses over a very obvious fact, though. They are shooting a sex scene for 12 year olds to watch. That’s a tough and creepy prospect that usually involves renting a panel van, but the key according to producer Wyck Godfrey is the perspective of the shots. Apparently it won’t be “soft core porn,” but a sex scene without sex usually turns out that way. There’s a challenge there. The production needs to fulfill a long-promised culmination of a relationship while also delivering it in a responsible way to young teenagers. Expect a lot of glowering.

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In most years of film one can logically find a common theme amongst a decent number of pictures to apply a label that sort of embodies what that year may represent in hindsight. Such as, the year of the Animated Film if a bunch of strong animated pictures were released, or the year of Jude Law if Jude Law did stuff, or the year of the R-Rated sex comedy if there were a bunch of films that made you remember you’re comically bad at sex.

The theme is usually something very superficial and easy to locate, unlike certain things difficult to locate that make you comically bad at sex. However, I’m somewhat of an introspective individual. I don’t like to buy into simply what’s on the surface. I like things to mean more. I like the potential of finding something connective between some generally unrelated material.

Basically what I’m saying is I like to make shit up for the purpose of entertaining journalism. Yet, despite my reaching deep into the abyss of irrelevance I have come back with the knowledge that a handful of pictures from 2010 contain something substantial about them, or contained within them that does work metaphorically as strong advice about particular relationship situations, or sexual inadequacies or troubles.

The fact that I found them in films ranging from children’s fare to horror pictures obviously says more about the film industry than my obsession with finding sex in everything.

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There’s a lot of trailer action this morning as Hollywood executives are just now waking up from their Hybernol-induced winter comas, but the funniest one out there (counting the past few months even) is hands down this new red-band trailer for No Strings Attached. The premise is simple and as old as sex itself, but when you toss in Natalie Portman staring at Asthon Kutcher’s penis with 3D glasses on (a commentary on the fad if there ever was one), a metric ton of clever cursing, and Ludacris making a self-reference to every “Ho” pun-themed song he’s written – the world has a little bit more brilliance in it. In fact, the catalyst for the pair getting together will make you look at your own father in a gross and terrible new way. Don’t put yourself in Ashton Kutcher’s character’s place. Don’t do it. Just don’t. Seriously, don’t.

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The world needs more movies like Fatso. Like a grown-up Angus, this flick tells the story of an overweight, sweet man facing the ultimate intimate struggle: finding someone that will agree to have sex with him. Luckily, the film itself isn’t occupied all that seriously with that goal, but treats sex and companionship with a mature (mixed with just enough muffled snickering) mind and a fantastic ear for comedy. Rino (Nils Jorgen Kaalstad) is a pervert. He has an overactive imagination, his best friend is a loud mouth jerk who looks like a pedophile, and he’s recently upgraded from a melon to a Fleshlight. In some regards, he’s vile and filthy, but with the finger being pointed sensually at Rino, three more are pointed back at the giant group of perverts watching him and his exploits on screen. His world changes (as they often do) when an incredibly cute young Swedish girl named Malin (Josefin Ljungman) moves in with him and introduces him to a world of partying and the joys/horrors of social interaction.

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The casting for Generation Um… is the kind of thing that leaves me, and probably Keanu Reeves, speechless. Of course, it’s clear that calm breezes, snails running, and actors speaking lines of dialogue to him also leave Reeves speechless. In theory, that makes him perfect for Um…, because any drug-drama that’s name ends with ellipses deserves a bit of the acting powerhouse that is Keanu Reeves. According to Variety, the indie film starting rolling cameras today and also includes Bojana Novkovic (the daughter in Edge of Darkness and possibly the devil in Devil) and newcomer Adelaide Clemens. Apparently the three will play characters living in an oblivion of coitus and cocaine, but it sounds like it’s being shot to show those things, somehow, in a negative light.

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Hot off success with The Brood, the shocking director has chosen psychic horror for his next. But what does that mean for Frankenstein?

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This week, on a very special episode or Reject Radio, Landon Palmer attempts to explain why his fascination with nun orgies hasn’t gotten his Masters degree taken away from him.

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Do you enjoy swordfights, ancient Rome, and boobs? I thought so. Those are the main ingredients of Spartacus: Blood and Sand which premieres January 22nd on Starz.

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PirateRadio

Pirate Radio is a perfectly balanced comedy with a brilliant cast. Hard to believe it’s only Richard Curtis’s second film as director.

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The most conservative picture I could find.

With a headline like that, we’ve either become a magazine you buy in line at the grocery store or it’s actual casting news. Cross your fingers!

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turnedon-trannies

Fantastic Fest is a time of Asiansploitation, kooky genre films, and titillating images galore. Taking a short break from this week-long bender to think about gender-bending has been especially tough, but I believe it to be important nonetheless. Here’s why….

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beerinhell-1

Professional film critics should never walk into a movie already knowing whether or not they’re going to like it. However…

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an_education_trailer

Another trailer for An Education is online daring people to rebel in a polite sort of British way. Between the difficult and boring, and the easy and fun – which do you choose?

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womenintrouble

A very cool new advertisement for Women In Trouble has popped on the internet on our site. Did I mention it involves Carla Gugino looking sexy as always? I have now. So check it out.

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