Scary Movie 5

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Movies that spoof a bunch of other movies that already exist became really popular in the late ’90s. So popular that we’re creeping up on 2013 and people are still putting them out, even though none of them have been remotely watchable for as long as anyone can remember. Why won’t the studios stop punishing us with these painfully lazy, painfully unfunny pseudo-movies? Because far be it from those greed vampires in Hollywood to leave the corpse of any genre alone until they’ve drained it completely dry of every last possible dollar. That being said… MTV has posted a new trailer for Scary Movie 5! Despite the current state of the spoof genre, we shouldn’t have any fear about this one, right? Because this isn’t one of those lousy Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer movies that are so lazy they don’t even bother to write jokes—Scary Movie 5 was written by spoof veterans David Zucker and Pat Proft, who have credits on things like Kentucky Fried Movie, The Naked Gun, and Hot Shots, so it should probably at least be decent, shouldn’t it? Well, not from the looks of the trailer.

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Ashley Tisdale

It’s sort of crazy to know that Ashley Tisdale is 26 years old. Her acting career has been stuck firmly in the High School Musical world of teenage-dom with little in the way of grown-up roles. It’s also crazy to know that she was in Donnie Darko (as the “chut-up girl”). Just kidding. She was this girl. Well, that dorky girl concerned about her sister’s eating habits is about to graduate. According to a press release, she’ll be starring in Scary Movie 5 – which delivers the fantastic opportunity for her to spoof herself and HSM. It’s rare that a gag movie gets the star of a set of movies rife for parody. And you know the entire movie will be pop culture references. It’s not like the fifth movie in a flagging franchise that should have been direct-to-video a long time ago is an electric property, but at least it will get her beyond the doors of the cafetorium. After all, the original was a career-maker for Anna Faris. The plot, as previously reported, focuses on spoofing Black Swan, Final Destination and Paranormal Activity, so presumably, Tisdale will be playing a perfectionist ballerina who makes out with Mila Kunis a ton while taping ghosts who are killing everyone with Rube Goldberg devices. Can’t wait.  

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What is Movie News After Dark? This is a question that I am almost never asked, but I will answer it for you anyway. Movie News After Dark is FSR’s newest late-night secretion, a column dedicated to all of the news stories that slip past our daytime editorial staff and make it into my curiously chubby RSS ‘flagged’ box. It will (but is not guaranteed to) include relevant movie news, links to insightful commentary and other film-related shenanigans. I may also throw in a link to something TV-related here or there. It will also serve as my place of record for being both charming and sharp-witted, but most likely I will be neither of the two. I write this stuff late at night, what do you expect?

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