Sam Neill

Jurassic Park

After building a theme park populated by dinosaurs, eccentric old billionaire John Hammond invites two top dino-scientists, a rock star chaos theory expert, and his grandchildren to come check it out. Fortunately for everyone involved, a horrible security breach unleashes the dinosaurs, and their lives are all terribly threatened.

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commentary-jurassicpark3

Even though there’s pretty much no information about the upcoming Jurassic Park 4 film that was announced earlier this week, you’ll find plenty of speculation and discussion about it on the interwebs. So why not jump on that bandwagon and dissect the famous dinosaur movies? Yeah, we’d all like to go back to the original Jurassic Park for this Commentary Commentary, but sadly, Spielberg hasn’t sat down to record his thoughts on that or the sequel. That means we’re left with Jurassic Park 3. The plus side is that we get Stan Winston’s take on the whole thing as he is joined by other members of the film’s special effects team. And on to the commentary…

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Kevin Carr

This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr dresses up in his Jedi robes and grabs his lightsaber, heading to the theater to see the 3D re-release of Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace. While there, he faces a sea of estrogen as ladies of all type swarm into the multiplex to see Channing Tatum’s abs multiflex. After using his lightsaber to break through the wall of pre-Valentine’s Day ladies, he faces more obstacles with twentysomething dudes heading out to see Safe House and obnoxious families to see Journey 2: The Mysterious Island. Fortunately for Kevin, he is able to dispatch everyone with his Rock-inspired “pec pop of love.” It was an early Valentine’s Day massacre.

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Channel Guide: A Column About TV

After all of the hype from the fall television premieres has died down, we are now in for the second wave of excitement that happens midseason. If all of the shows that begin airing in September are dinner, then the ones that come in the winter are dessert – of course, that dessert can be horrible, you know, maybe taste a little like Sons of Tucson. This metaphor is wearing thin, so before I start talking about oatmeal raisin cookies and non-fat yogurt, here’s a list of the midseason series premieres that I have my eye on.

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Drinking Games

Almost two decades after the first film was released in theaters, Jurassic Park is getting a new Blu-ray release, packaged with its two sequels. The original film helped revolutionize the use of CGI effects (for better or for worse), and it still holds up today. Forget about that awful wig on Laura Dern’s stunt double or the shifting geography of the park, these films are still fun to watch. Tap into the dinosaur-loving kid in all of us, and tap into a fresh case of beer. Or choose some wine that’s been fermenting for the last 65 million years. All three films will take the entire day to watch, and by the end, you should be seeing dinosaurs if you play the game right.

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Junkfood Cinema

Bienvenu, mes amis, to Junk Food Cinema, which has a certain, as the French say, “ordure.” Our beloved Brian will be back next week, when he returns from his vacation ghostbusting. Until then, you can pin the blame for your eyeball blisters on me, Mrs. Junkfood-Cinema. I’ll be piloting this trash barge over the choppy waters of murky, questionable cinema, picking our precarious way through the flotsam and jetsam of a capsized wreck of a film. But just when you start to panic and look for the life vests (there are only 2. BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!), we arrive at the golden shores of redemption. I throw out beach towels so we can all bask in the warm glow of this film’s not-so-crappy side. And like any good day at the beach, I brought snacks. Unhealthy snacks. This week…well, this week, allow me to set the stage: Ahh, it’s a good day to be white off the coast of Isla Sorna. But what is this? CG fog? Bad green screen? What’s happening?! This isn’t the Jurassic Park Crichton envisioned, painstakingly researched, and that had audiences everywhere scared to ride in Jeeps for months afterword. This isn’t even the Jurassic Park 2 Crichton begrudgingly churned out and to whose script he turned a tactful blind eye. This is the notorious, superfluous, suck-o-saurus: Jurassic Park 3. JFC JP3. The point is,  you’re alive when JFC starts to eat you. So, you know…try to show a little respect.

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When the calendar page turns to October, we Rejects have only one thought: horror. To celebrate this grandest and darkest of months, we’ll cover one excellent horror film a day for the entirety of the month. That’s 31 Days of Horror and 31 Films perfect for viewing on a dark, chilly, October night. If you, like us, love horror and Halloween, give us a Hell Yeah and keep coming every day this month for a new dose of adrenaline. Synopsis: Before the bulk of the interwebs started a lynch mob for Paul W.S. Anderson, he directed this sci-fi horror flick about a space ship that goes to hell and back. In the year 2047, Earth receives a signal from the Event Horizon, a ship that uses an artificial black hole to travel to the farthest reaches of the universe. The veteran crew of the Lewis & Clark is sent on a rescue mission, with a new mystery member on board: Doctor William Weir (Sam Neill), the designer of the Event Horizon. When the crew of the Lewis & Clark find the Event Horizon and board it, they discover that it has brought something back. The crew starts to experience visions of their past horrors while evil forces within the ship literally turn them against each other.

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Legend of the Guardians

It may just be me, but the first several moments of this brand new Legend of the Guardians trailer — the new animated film from director Zack Snyder — feels a lot like 300. Super slow-motion and angry warrior faces. All that’s missing is the voice of Gerard Butler screaming “This is Ga-HOOLE!” while one owl kicks the other one down a pit of despair. That doesn’t exactly happen, but some other cool stuff certainly does.

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kevin-reportcard-header

Kevin Carr sits his chubbiness down and sees if Daybreakers, Leap Year and The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus can make the grade.

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ff-Daybreakers

If there is one thing movie-going audiences have been saturated with of late it is vampire films. Luckily, some of them have turned out to be pretty damn good…

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Daybreakers

Those who are like me will note that the first trailer for Daybreakers, the bleak apocalyptic vampire flick from the resourceful and über-talented Spierig brothers, was brilliant. This second one on the other hand…

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Sam Neill, Geoffrey Rush, Hugo Weaving and David Wenham have joined the voice cast of Zack Snyder’s next film, the 3D animated feature Guardians of Ga’hoole. But wait, there’s more.

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ff-underthemountain

Twins! Psychic powers! Sam Neill! Alien neighbors! Gingers! How will they put them all together into one film?

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