Remake

Some pieces of news are just bound to cause eye-rolling and heavy sighs. I’m not going to pretend as if I am some huge Romancing the Stone fan and that every single one of my sensibilities and emotions are offended by this news, but that’s not really necessary, is it? This is the sort of news that will, most likely, not be met with an outpouring of glee. But this is not a new brand of news. The Romancing the Stone remake has been kicking around for years now, but without much of a push behind it. For awhile, Robert Luketic was attached to the film, and with him came the inevitable, a casting wish list that included Katherine Heigl (who Luketic has directed in two separate horror shows, The Ugly Truth and Killers). Though Luketic is now off the project, and Emma Watts and Fox are reportedly looking for “someone newish” to direct the film, Heigl is apparently still on the top of their wish lists to play the Joan Wilder role (played in the original by Kathleen Turner). And, somewhat bizarrely considering how different the two men are in terms of both age and star power, Watts and Fox have added Gerard Butler and Taylor Kitschto their “early wish list” to play Jack Colton (originally played by Michael Douglas). As The Playlist wisely points out, “this [is] all tremendously early, and possibly none of these names will make it through,” but these sorts of supposed “wish lists” show the […]

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Late last night a lot of questions got raised about a new Evil Dead movie. There were reports that a new one was going into production, conflicting reports that Sam Raimi was just casting for his upcoming Oz: The Great and Powerful, and then confirmation from Bruce Campbell that a remake was ready to happen. This morning Bloody Disgusting was able to clear things up quite a bit by reporting that Raimi does indeed have a “quasi-remake” of The Evil Dead gearing up for production, but that he doesn’t intend on directing it himself. Instead the job is going to newcomer Fede Alvarez. Despite the fact that Bruce Campbell had the inside scoop on the project, there isn’t any word if he will have a role in the film or if they will be looking to cast all new actors. Given Campbell’s close relationship with Raimi, I don’t think that it’s a given that just because he knows about the project he will be in any significant way involved. That said, I think we can all agree that he better be. I would opine that a large reason Raimi’s first three films in this universe work is the screen presence of Campbell. Without him, you don’t have Ash, you just have some horror movie starring a dude.

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A fourth entry in Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead series is one of those long talked about, never going to happen, projects like an Arrested Development movie, or another Ghostbusters sequel that I’ve grown kind of tired of hearing about. I’ve been hearing the rumors about this movie since I was a teenager: Ash goes to the future, Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash, it’s going to be in 3D, etc.  It’s gotten to the point that whenever the next set of rumors about a new Evil Dead crop up, I roll my eyes and move along. So it was not out of maliciousness, but out of rumor fatigue when I rolled my eyes at Dread Central’s claim that they had a “very reliable source” telling them that Saim Raimi’s frequent editor Bob Murawski was headed to Detroit to start work on a new Evil Dead film. They also had a quote that the new Evil Dead would be “a small indie thing like the first two.” Turns out I wasn’t the only one to be suspicious of these claims, because Bloody Disgusting did a little digging of their own and said they discovered that Raimi was actually casting his widely known next project Oz: The Great and Powerful in Detroit. That would make more sense, and would have ended my interest in the matter, if not for another little wrinkle. Ash himself, Bruce Campbell, recently opened a Twitter account and when asked point blank by one of his followers about the […]

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Remember that remake of Park Chan-Wook’s Oldboy that nobody wanted whether it was a remake of the movie, or an adaptation of the original source material, or whatever? It was supposed to be dead, but Rob Hunter knew that the evil would come back in another form. Despite the fact that nobody in the world thinks a Hollywood production of any version of Oldboy whatsoever is a good idea, it is a dream that won’t die. Sure, it will no longer have Will Smith and Steven Spielberg bringing it to life, but it may have found a new director to champion its cause. Twitch is reporting that Spike Lee has entered negotiations to direct the long gestating project, with Mark Protosevich of Thor and I Am Legend set to write the screenplay. I think the idea of Spike Lee tackling the gore splattered revenge roots of this property is a heck of a lot less scary than Spielberg and Smith trying it on, but does Lee’s name make this a project that anybody is now looking forward to happening? I’m no Spike Lee fan, so I probably have no room to speak on the matter. I hate this idea. But there are a lot of fans of Lee’s work out there. Do any of you overlap into being fans of Oldboy as well? Will there be a group of fans willing to stand up and champion this project against the wave of negative reaction it’s gotten so far? Choose a […]

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Boiling Point

News came last week that the troubled MGM remake of the classic, chest poundingly patriotic Red Dawn was getting a political face lift with the invading force being digitally swapped from Chinese to North Korean. But what’s the big deal, as Jack Giroux always drunkenly says: all Asians are the same. Kidding. He’s generally sober. But really, MGM is indeed going through about a million dollars worth of post production changes to get rid off as many China references as they can and replace them with North Korean ones. Why? Well China has the second largest economy in the world these days (second to the good ol’ US of A) and a lot of American companies do a lot of work in China. China also is notorious for throwing fits when anyone mentions things like death buses, oppression of freedom and religion, guacamole, spies, and basically anything that points a spotlight on how big a dick their government can be. So, obviously, big companies don’t want to piss off China and risk losing that sweet, sweet source of income. With MGM’s decision to make the change, plenty of outlets and writers like Vince over at FilmDrunk have taken aim at MGM and more or less called them pussies for bowing down to as of now imaginary Chinese anger over the film. But you know what? I support the switch to North Korea, and here’s why.

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Recently I spent an entire weekend watching Charles Bronson films in an effort to document his very best kills. I, and at various times a rotating cadre of my friends, watched 20 movies over three days during what was dubbed Bronsothon. Needless to say, I waded through some really awful movies that weekend, but there were more than a few pleasant surprises. Among them were Mr. Majestyk, Death Wish 2, and The Mechanic. The Mechanic blew my mind because as much as it was a familiar Bronson shoot-em-up, it was also a fairly cerebral character study. It also had an ending I did not at all expect; I loved it. When I heard the upcoming Jason Statham film was a remake, I had to see it.

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While fans of the original Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie starring Kristy Swanson may be ready to rejoice, fans of the Sarah Michelle Gellar television series are slamming fists and shedding tears at the news that Buffy is on her way back to the big screen with one caveat – Joss Whedon will not be involved. Personally I think there are two kinds of Buffy fans: those of us who saw the movie in theaters back in 1992, liked it and then never watched the TV series and those whose fandom is almost entirely related to their enjoyment of the television show. I count myself among the former, having never seen an episode of the television show – a trait I plan on having the rest of my life. Is it a good idea to bring Buffy back sans the man responsible for her popularity? Yes and no.

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Junkfood Cinema

Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; try it with bacon! This is the weekly internet column that proves to within an inch of certainty that any idiot can be a writer. I take all the lessons I failed to learn in film school, warp them with demented abandon, and splatter the resulting abomination all over cyberspace. Who doesn’t like bad movies? If you are currently raising your hand, you should know that I cannot see you through the screen and you just look ridiculous. Everybody has one or two guilty pleasure films to which they subject their brains in full awareness of the film’s shortcomings. Personally I have a library of bad movies I love and I will examine one every Friday; giving the celebrated, if dubious, highlights as well as the technically existent flaws. In an effort to make this experience twice as unhealthy for you, I will also pair the film with a snack food item linked to the shenanigans in the film. Last week saw the fall of a titan. For lovers of over-the-top, schlocky, or otherwise cheesy cinema, few names are spoken with more reverence than that of Dino De Laurentis. The guy is a legendary producer who had a Corman-like prolificacy. There is something incongruently grandiose about his productions that belie their actual budget or ultimate quality. In the short span of time that JFC has been in existence, two of his films have already been showcased: Danger: Diabolik and Flash Gordon. In honor of the […]

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When the calendar page turns to October, we Rejects have only one thought: horror. To celebrate this grandest and darkest of months, we’ll cover one excellent horror film a day for the entirety of the month. That’s 31 Days of Horror and 31 Films perfect for viewing on a dark, chilly, October night. If you, like us, love horror and Halloween, give us a Hell Yeah and keep coming every day this month for a new dose of adrenaline. Synopsis: Local Tom Harringer returns to his hometown after a long absence following an accidental mine collapse he caused, that set of a chain of events that lead to his father brutally murdering 22 people. Now, on the anniversary of the massacre, a man dressed as a miner is terrorizing the town, Tom, and everyone he holds dear. Killer Scene: The Miner does his best to ruin a lot of people’s days and does a good job of it. There are a few moments where his kills are cheer worthy – though some might also cheer at the fully nude 3D sex scene. My bid for the best moment comes shortly after that (and a pair of kills) when the diminutive motel keeper comes to investigate some strange noises and ends up catching a pick-axe to the chin which drives her into a ceiling light which then electrocutes her as well.

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When the calendar page turns to October, we Rejects have only one thought: horror. To celebrate this grandest and darkest of months, we’ll cover one excellent horror film a day for the entirety of the month. That’s 31 Days of Horror and 31 Films perfect for viewing on a dark, chilly, October night. If you, like us, love horror and Halloween, give us a Hell Yeah and keep coming every day this month for a new dose of adrenaline. Synopsis: When young Whitney Miller goes missing with a group of friends, thanks to the violent tendencies of homicidal hillbilly Jason Voorhees, her brother Clay goes searching for her in the woods surrounding the abandoned Camp Crystal Lake. With some newfound cannon fodder, his luck doesn’t hold out long as the machete wielding, hockey faced killer gets his slash on in this Platinum Dunes reboot. Killer Scene: With thirteen or fourteen people brutally dispatched, there are plenty of scenes of note. In fact, with lots of boobies exposed, there are even more I could note. My favorite scene combines both boobies and blood – the feisty Amanda shows off her breasts and then retreats to her tent with her boytoy. When he goes in search of a noise (big mistake), she gets stuffed in a sleeping bag and hung over a roaring campfire. Boo and Yah.

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When the calendar page turns to October, we Rejects have only one thought: horror. To celebrate this grandest and darkest of months, we’ll cover one excellent horror film a day for the entirety of the month. That’s 31 Days of Horror and 31 Films perfect for viewing on a dark, chilly, October night. If you, like us, love horror and Halloween, give us a Hell Yeah and keep coming every day this month for a new dose of adrenaline. Synopsis: A small town is turned upside down when a military spawned virus is accidentally released into their water supply, turning them into raging, blood thirsty crazies with little regard for human life. With no way of stopping the assault, Sheriff Dutton attempts to lead a small group of survivors out of town. Killer Scene: Things get pretty intense inside of a car wash and people you’ve picked to survive drop like flies throughout the story, though the best scene for my money is the ending scene. Sheriff Dutton and his wife have finally made it to the military rendezvous point and discover just how the government planned on dealing with any survivors. While deciding what to do, the group is attacked by three crazed bikers leading to an epic battle in a trucking garage.

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A young girl decides that a weekend at a secluded cabin is just the thing she needs to finish her book. On her way there, she crosses paths with a smattering of yokels on whom she leaves a less-than-positive impression. They show up later, rape her for what seems like an hour, and leave her to die. Despite their bumbling efforts, shockingly, she survives. What follows is a parade of violence designed to offer this wronged woman bloody satisfaction I Spit on Your Grave is an absolutely disgusting film. It is impossible to review a film like this without having your objectivity called into question. The makers of this film would like you to believe that I found their film disgusting because of its content; insinuating that their rape-rape-revenge film incites a commendable level of emotional response. Sorry guys, my sensibilities are none too delicate. The fact is that what makes the I Spit on Your Grave remake so vile is not its content, but its intent.

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Swarming into theaters this weekend, Piranha 3D looks poised to chomp through the competition and make a mouthful of money. In a summer that has been lacking in the fun department, this flashy remake looks to turn the ridiculous level to eleven, the boobie-meter to overdrive, and the kill count to 87. In many ways, Piranha 3D achieved exactly what it set out to do: make an R-Rated horror movie full of blood and boobs. While many, including our own Neil Miller, have found something to love in the movie, I found myself strangely disappointed. When a film gives you everything it promised, what can you hold against it? Well, a weak story and a complete lack of resolution.

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The Coroner

On a recent trip to Ogden Marsh, we drank the water, lost our minds, and reviewed the Blu-ray of one of 2010s Best Horror Films – The Crazies, starring Rob Hunter’s boyfriend Timothy Olyphant.

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With a heavy hit at the box office, we might be seeing a glove full of knives coming at us in 3D soon.

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Critical consensus be damned, our horror guru dug the hell out of A Nightmare on Elm Street and wants to share his thoughts with you.

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A Nightmare on Elm Street

The Platinum Dunes remake machine is back in action and this time they’ve set their sights on your dreams. Krueger is back – the only remaining question: is a campy clown or a vicious dream slayer?

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The kid (and knife) gloves come off as we take a look back at the less than shining examples of Freddy Krueger in film and TV.

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brothers_movie_review1

Jim Sheridan’s ‘Brothers’ remake is a fine, old-fashioned drama starring Tobey Maguire, Natalie Portman and Jake Gyllenhaal. Like many of Sheridan’s other movies, it’s all about family.

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crazies-header

Another George Romero flick, this one dealing with “sort of zombies” instead of actual ones, gets the remake treatment and we’ve got a surprisingly awesome trailer for you.

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