Rambo

Junkfood Cinema - Large

Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; Mr. McDonald, tear up this restraining order. You’ve marched into the most patriotic bad movie column since the dramatic toppling of Lee Greenwood’s Stars and Schlock Forever. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that not all movies are created equal. Some are endowed by their creators with certain inexplicable faults. We here at JFC are dedicated to the proposition that perhaps despite these faults, these films have elements that come together to form a more enjoyable union…than most would have the patience to endure. Then, in the last course of human descent, it will be become necessary for you to ingest a sugary themed food item week keep in the cupboard by the pebbles, Fruity Pebbles and Cocoa Pebbles. Communism, after consulting a dictionary recently and rectifying a longstanding misunderstanding, is not in fact that cracker-and-juice portion of church. It is a set of political and social ideologies with but one goal: destroy America. It was founded by John Lennon, the red walrus, and fear of this growing movement would later be spread in America by Senator Paul McCartney; a scare tactic known as McCartneyism. The Beatles were quite divided as it turns out. But how is it that we finally defeated this great threat? If there is one thing the movies have taught me, it’s that they are easily the best possible source for historical truth and all films essentially exist within the same universe…even if that universe is my fry-grease-and-Nintendo-addled brain. So […]

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Just as the fears of global cataclysm at the end of the last century fueled films like Deep Impact and Armageddon, the ticking clock to December 21, 2012 has led to more end-of-the-world movies that rely on something larger than a zombie outbreak or a deadly contagion (although those have been recently popular as well). The latest entry into Hollywood’s obsession with the Earth’s last days is the apocalyptic rom-com Seeking a Friend for the End of the World, and if the Mayans were right, that might very well be the last one made. Film School Rejects responds to your concerns about the end of the world, as evidenced by the Apocalypse Soon feature currently running on this site. While you’re catching up on these films to see before the end of the world, we wondered who would be the best people to spend that time with. Steve Carell’s character gets to spend the end of the world with Keira Knightley, and here are some cinematic characters with whom we’d like to spend our last days.

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It’s been a pretty hard life for John Rambo ever since he signed up to go overseas and serve his country in Vietnam. He was turned into an expert in guerrilla warfare. Made the best with guns, with knives, with his bare hands. He was trained to ignore pain, ignore weather, to live off the land. To eat things that would make a billy goat puke. In Vietnam his job was to dispose of enemy personnel, to kill, period. Win by attrition. And after a rough patch where the guy just couldn’t adjust to life after Nam, we sent him back there to slaughter hundreds more and get our POWs. Then we sent him to Afghanistan, where he killed about a thousand more people. I thought that was it for the guy, but then he ended up having to do the same in Burma. Isn’t it about time we let this guy live out his final years in peace? No. You just don’t turn it off. There’s a segment of the population out there who think that First Blood is a decent movie, but the subsequent Rambo sequels are cheesy and exploitative and lame. Those people are ridiculous. The Rambo sequels are cheesy and exploitative and awesome. Even 2008’s Rambo, where we get Rambo as an old man, is completely amazing. He tears out throats with his bare hand and explodes guys by hitting them with close range high caliber machine gun fire. What more do you want? Well, I […]

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Every week, Landon Palmer and Cole Abaius log on to their favorite chat client of 1996 as BlurryProjector and TheGeneralRulz in order to discuss some topical topic of interest. This week, they ponder the wildly wide-spread Mark Harris article, “The Day the Movies Died,” alongside the new infographic proving movies have gotten worse. We really need a scapegoat, huh? Is marketing really to blame? Are movies really getting worse? If so, how do we, the fans, fix them?

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At the end of 2010 we counted down the ten best action films of the year as an introduction to this column, the (almost) cleverly titled Bullet Points, our newest, most explosive column focusing on the action world. Beyond just reviewing action films, Bullet Points sets its sights on the genre as a whole- from stunts to guns, ass kickings to wire-fu and even just what the hell makes action films so great in the first place. In what is effectively our first official Bullet Points entry we wanted to get right to the ignition point of the explosion and discuss the ultimate principle of the action universe. That is, what makes a damn fine shoot ‘em up, beat ‘em up, blow ‘em up?

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In addition to providing health tips, Fitness and Film will occasionally shine a spotlight on the actors and actresses who embody fitness on the big (and small) screen. With the imminent release of The Expendables, we have reason to cover any number of action heroes, past and present, but our first spot in the Fit Hall of Fame is going to the man who’s making it all happen: Sylvester Stallone. From his first truly notable appearance on-screen as Rocky Balboa (a film that saw him nominated for two Oscars), Stallone carved a name for himself through chiseled abs and athletic performances. How many people in the word can claim to have been in such shape that a statue was carved of them and prominently displayed for decades?

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From where I’m sitting, this internet meme of throwing together the same quote one hundred times in a single clip began with Sawyer (Josh Holloway) from Lost and his catch-phrase, “son of a bitch.” Now it’s branching out into cross-platform, cross-property clip mashing for phrases that permeate entire genres.

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Wow that’s a strong statement. Let’s see how offensive this gets.

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I know there are naysayers among you who think the headline above is redundant, who think Sylvester Stallone’s Rambo series has been a joke since the first sequel. However…

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Word from Variety is that Sly Stallone is strapping on his Olivia Newton-John headband and prepping for more Rambo carnage.

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Rambo makes plans to fight aging with hobbies that don’t include killing while The Expendables aim to take your 13 year old’s lunch money. Maybe.

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It is Tuesday and that means we are all in DVD purchasing mode, does it not? And thankfully the folks at Amazon have decided to bring out a few of their best promos just for the DVDholics among us.

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I remember a time when sex used to be what sold in Hollywood, it’s not really that way anymore. It’s all about sequels nowadays. Anything the corporate machine can do to propagate a franchise and poke fun at aging actors in roles that may or may not compromise the position they’re in when jumping off buildings, driving backwards through tunnels, or remembering to take their Metamucil.

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2008review-fights

We Rejects love our action and we sure as hell like watching men, women, monsters, and superheroes whip the crap out of each other on the big screen. Here are our favorite fights of 2008.

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The 2008 Mid-Year Review

With Comic-Con over and done, we want to take a moment to pause and look back, at the year so far. We do this in a format that we like to call “Ten Things We Liked, 5 Things We Didn’t.”

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Ten Movie Badasses You Don’t Mess With

Forget the Zohan! With the Zohan, the worst thing that can happen is you’ll get squeezed between his unnaturally hard butt cheeks. With these other characters, you risk death… or worse.

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I remember joking with my friends in grade school, saying that we’d see ‘Rocky 12′ and Sylvester Stallone would be using a walker in the ring. Well it seems that my friends and I might not be too far off.

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DVDs I Bought This Week!

Brian Gibson loves to buy DVDs. Come with him on his weekly journey into the depths of credit card debt as he tells you what to buy, rent and avoid.

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Rambo 5 in Mexico?

Sly has an idea for Rambo 5. Involving abducted women. And Mexico. And Mariachis with shotgun-packed guitar cases. Basically Rambo would be blowing the mierda out of Mexico.

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Boiling Point: CGI

Resident Reject Robert goes past his boiling point once again on the over abundance of poorly rendered CGI infesting movies.

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published: 04.19.2014
A-
published: 04.19.2014
B+
published: 04.18.2014
C-
published: 04.18.2014
C

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