R rated

Boiling Point

No matter what I say below, know this: I will see Shark Night 3D. There are no press screenings, no DVDs mailed to my home. I will head out to a theater to watch it because I love sharks and I love watching people get eaten by them. So to be extra clear: I haven’t seen the film yet. No one has. But still, I’m going to bitch about it, because that’s how I roll. Why? Well, because it’s easy to get mad at this film. It’s rated PG-13. I mean, if there ever was a title for a hard R-rating, it’s Shark Night 3D. After all, Piranha 3D, which was probably instrumental in green lighting this late entry to Shark Week, was well received because of its gore. Its nudity. Its generally over the top nature. Without Jerry O’Connell getting his dick bit off and two hot, naked women swimming for six minutes, that film is a pile of crap. The blood makes it – and the PG-13 rating for Shark Night might break it.

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In a stunning development that has me thinking Vin Diesel would be the perfect choice for a For Love or Money remake, the actor has taken to his Facebook page to present his fans with a conundrum he’s facing when trying to get another Pitch Black sequel off the ground. I’ll let him tell it in his own words: “D T the writer/director just landed in New York with the good news. We can start filming this summer. However, there is a catch… in order for us to make a true R rated film, I must work for scale upfront. Not unlike the Find Me Guilty experience (which I wouldn’t have changed for the world).” I have to assume that the D T he is speaking of is Pitch Black and The Chronicles of Riddick director David Twohy, and it sounds like the rest of the post is Diesel saying he wouldn’t want to do another Riddick sequel unless it was R-rated, and he’s willing to take a pay cut to make that happen. Alright Vinnie! I fully support any movement to get action films planted firmly back into R-rated territory. But wait, that’s not all. A probable pay cut isn’t the only hurdle that might be in front of another Riddick movie happening. Diesel goes on to say, “Money is always second to art, integrity and spirit… but the real issue is deeper. Can I suspend my life, to momentarily venture to that dark place… called Riddick.” What’s this? Has […]

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There’s a lot of trailer action this morning as Hollywood executives are just now waking up from their Hybernol-induced winter comas, but the funniest one out there (counting the past few months even) is hands down this new red-band trailer for No Strings Attached. The premise is simple and as old as sex itself, but when you toss in Natalie Portman staring at Asthon Kutcher’s penis with 3D glasses on (a commentary on the fad if there ever was one), a metric ton of clever cursing, and Ludacris making a self-reference to every “Ho” pun-themed song he’s written – the world has a little bit more brilliance in it. In fact, the catalyst for the pair getting together will make you look at your own father in a gross and terrible new way. Don’t put yourself in Ashton Kutcher’s character’s place. Don’t do it. Just don’t. Seriously, don’t.

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brettratner-1

Brett Ratner insists he won’t water things down in his upcoming resurrection of the Beverly Hills Cop franchise. Are he and Eddie Murphy up to the challenge?

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published: 12.17.2014
B+
published: 12.15.2014
B
published: 12.12.2014
D+
published: 12.05.2014
C+


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