Pruitt Taylor Vince

Ron Perlman in 13 SINS

Elliot Brindle (Mark Webber) is having a bad day. His hope for a promotion at work has instead resulted in being fired, and that doesn’t bode well for a man with a pregnant wife and a learning-impaired brother at home. A single phone call changes all of that by offering a chance at financial freedom. The catch? Complete a series of thirteen challenges without fail and without telling anyone else what’s happening. What could possibly go wrong? It starts with a deceptively innocuous challenge. The game show-friendly voice on the phone tells him to kill the fly currently buzzing around his head for $1000. Concerns over exactly how the man on the phone knows there’s a fly are brushed aside, and soon Elliot’s a grand richer. Then swallow the fly. Then make a little girl cry. Then do something involving a homeless man and an ostrich. It’s not too long before he’s moved beyond moral grey areas and started committing felonies, and the deeper he goes down the rabbit hole the harder it becomes to climb back out again. 13 Sins is a mix of dark comedy and vicious thrills, but while there are moments that surprise and sing far too much of it feels overly familiar. It’s a lesser sin to be sure, but it would surprise no one if there was a special place in hell for makers of unnecessary remakes.

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This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr heads into the MMA ring to battle Bane from The Dark Knight Rises, after being trained by a strung-out Nick Nolte who looks like he’s ready to have an aneurysm at any moment. Then he is sent into a bird flu panic when someone coughs on him at the airport. Not wanting to suffer the same fate as Gwenyth Paltrow, he takes a road trip down to the Louisiana bayou where he runs into a hillbilly redneck alligator mutant. But at least he didn’t have to see Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star.

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published: 12.19.2014
A-
published: 12.18.2014
C-
published: 12.17.2014
B+
published: 12.15.2014
B


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