Planes

Planes Fire and Rescue

Kids don’t have a problem with anthropomorphic characters populating their culture and entertainment — just look at nearly every single Disney sidekick (from horses to teacups, monkeys to crabs) — which helps explain a lot of the love that the little ones consistently heap on both the Cars franchise and its Planes spin-off. Adults may have questions about how an entire world populated only by mechanical vehicles works (and the popular theory regarding how every Pixar film ties together, and one which basically makes every car and plane a terrifying war monster, manages to both speak to this and remind us to be careful what we question, because do you want to view smiley-faced trucks as harbingers of human, no, you do not), but the kiddos don’t care. They just like what they’re looking at. But we’re not kids. And we have a lot of questions about how these things work. Next week, Walt Disney Pictures will release Planes: Fire and Rescue, the first (and we’re going to assume, not the last) sequel in the Planes franchise that took wing with last year’s Planes. While the first Planes film was all about a high-flying around-the-world ariel race, Fire and Rescue is about, well, fires and rescues. Lead character Dusty (voiced by Dane Cook) is back, but now he’s working on a new career: as a plane dedicated to snuffing out fires and leading rescues in what looks to be a massive national park. It’s a cute premise, but man, do we have some questions. Here’s what Plane: Fire and Rescue needs to answer for us.

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Disney

There’s a scene in this movie, Disney’s Planes, in which a group of international superstar propeller-driven racing planes come together for a massive race round the world. One of the planes is from Mexico, wears a luchador mask and calls himself El Chupacabra. We watch as he spies a sultry, well-painted, French-speaking plane. She’s Rochelle, the rally champion from Canada. He falls in love and must serenade her with a mariachi version of The Miracles’ 1976 hit “Love Machine.” Heavy emphasis on the “chhhh” sound in “machine.” As you might imagine, this wins her interest and they fall head over heels for each other, a love that involves lipstick marks on his wings and pet names between them such as “Chalupa” and “Chimichanga.” In a movie so haphazard with its horrible stereotype-driven character creation, this is actually one of the less offensive moments. And that’s pretty bad. Because as we discover within 30-seconds of Planes, this is the laziest brand of kid’s film: the kind created by a bunch of marketing executives in a 90th floor boardroom. It’s sad to see it pillaging the strong, if flawed brand built by Pixar’s Cars.

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Planes

Though children everywhere adore the Cars series, the Pixar tales chronicling a world run by anthropomorphic vehicles who don’t appear to give a good goddamn about the non-existence of humans continues to terrify any adult who gives the franchise even the most brief of thoughts. Where the hell are the people? Continuing in the grand tradition of Cars, Disney has now branched off with Planes, which chronicles the adventures of, well, planes. It seems as if said planes and cars exist in the same freak world, and those cars just love watching aerial races, because honestly, why not at this point? The new film stars Dane Cook(‘s voice) as Dusty Crophopper, a crop-duster desperate to compete in the world’s most prestigious race, who has one major problem – he is afraid of heights. That’s both charming and just sort of obvious, so we look forward to the resulting final feature (or at least, we’re looking forward to having something sweet to take the kids to). After the break, check out the first trailer for Planes, guaranteed to be the new favorite film of all the kiddos in your life.

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Planes Movie

More than a few people are going to look at the new teaser trailer for Planes and think of it as the next evolution of selling out for Pixar. The thing is, despite John Lasseter’s presence as a producer, this straight-to-DVD sequel that got bumped up to first class has DisneyToon Studios written all over it. In fact, you won’t see the Pixar logo anywhere in the trailer — even though they’re aping the look of Cars right down to the font choices. The movie stars Dane Cook, voicing Dusty Crophopper, a plane whose afraid of heights but desperately wants to compete in a massive flying contest. It’s being directed by Klay Hall (Tinker Bell and the Lost Treasure) and comes right at the tail end of the Summer blockbuster season. Check out the teaser for yourself:

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Planes

While Disney’s Cars series has been the proverbial whipping boy for many fans of the House of Mouse’s better animated outings, the franchise is a perennial favorite for the younger set (if you spend any time with five-year-olds, you know this is true) and has made a trunk-load of cash for both Disney and Pixar. That said, of course the studio is planning spin-offs of the transportation-minded series, and while we’d love to see a Disney take on Jetskis or Steam Engines or even Segways, the studio is going simple – Planes. And, because everyone knows how much children love comedian Dane Cook, the erstwhile actor has been tapped to voice the lead of this summer’s Planes, as a height-averse plane named Dusty (we can only assume he’s a crop-duster). The film is billed as a “comedy adventure about Dusty’s dream of competing as a high-flying air racer—and his decidedly unfortunate fear of heights.” Aw, Dusty, that’s so sad for you. Soar, little plane, soar!

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Somewhere out there is a movie called Rio about a bird who’s afraid to fly. You’ve probably seen the commercials for it and bristled at George Lopez’s voice. Somewhere in the same universe, DisneyToon Studios is planning a spin-off of Cars called Planes about a, get this, plane that’s afraid to fly. His name is Dusty, and he’s going to prove everyone wrong by entering a race that goes around the world. A spin-off with a propeller. Fancy that. The project isn’t brand new, but it’s news that it won’t be a direct-to project. It’s getting the full theatrical release. According to JoBlo, the press release also says absolutely nothing about Pixar. In a way, that makes sense. Pixar is incredibly picky about their projects, so it stands to reason that if they didn’t want to take on this project, Disney wanted to for the sheer marketability of it. In the meantime, we’ll be thinking of more movies about things that are afraid to fly and counting the days until Trains gets announced. Hopefully it’ll be soon.

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published: 12.23.2014
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published: 12.22.2014
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published: 12.19.2014
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