Piranha 3DD

Welcome back to This Week In Discs! As always, if you see something you like, click on the image to buy it. Quick A motorcycle courier finds himself targeted by police after a mysterious man forces him to deliver bombs to various addresses while an ex-girlfriend unlucky enough to have strapped an explosive helmet to her head comes along for the ride. This Korean effort takes the single plot thread of Speed and combines it with a lot of goofiness. The action runs the gamut of cartoony to thrilling, but it’s never less than entertaining. There’s also a little bit of heart to add more weight to the matter, but it’s never enough to extinguish the goofy fun. I’ll be honest… this is casual entertainment and a rental at best for most folks, but those of you as partial to Korean films as I am may want to pick it up too. Also available on DVD. [Extras: Making of, trailer, featurettes]

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Piranha 3DD

Piranha 3DD wasn’t screened for critics, and a flood wiped out the showing I was slated to attend at the only theater featuring it in New York City. After the 45-minute round-trip subway ride for nothing, I returned to my apartment, sat down to order the movie on video on demand and had one of those brief moments of existential panic that befalls every film critic now and again: Is spending a half-day or more trying to see Piranha 3DD really what I should be doing with my life? Fortunately, I guess, I sucked it up, hit “buy,” and sat through the 71-minute feature, which is padded out to 81 thanks to 10 minutes of outtakes and David Hasselhoff jokes over the closing credits. Full disclosure: I don’t have a 3-D TV, so I can’t comment on what it’s like to see Katrina Bowden’s projectile vomit propelling toward you from a big screen. If you’re looking for an in-depth dissection of Piranha 3DD’s third-dimensional tomfoolery, you’ll have to go elsewhere.

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Piranha 3DD

Piranha 3DD is the first 3D movie to have a day-and-date release – that is, a release to VOD and Facebook on the same day it hits theaters. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the bloody-watered buoyant-breasted horror comedy will be available VOD for 7 bucks (in standard and high def) and 8 bucks for 3D on the major platforms. It will also be featured on Facebook. The Weinstein Company‘s Dimension Films and Starz Digital Media are handling the distribution online, and Starz VP Mara Winokur is enthusiastic about the safety net involved, citing that it will be a success even if no one watches on Facebook. “The cost was low enough that if there are no views, but people saw the promotion and went to theaters or got it on DVD or elsewhere, it will be successful. It is a great marketing spend in itself. It is a holistic experiment,” she said.

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If you watched the green band trailer for Piranha 3DD, then you’ve already seen most of what the new red band trailer has to offer. You would think that for a property this intent on gaining attention by being shocking and schlocky, there would be some sick, shocking stuff saved for the restricted audience ads…but not really. All of the same high points are here: Christopher Lloyd ranting as a crazy scientist, David Hasselhoff being a cocky dick, Gary Busey getting down and dirty with some fish heads, some fish heads getting down and dirty with Katrina Bowden, and Ving Rhames showing off his gun leg. While not getting much of anything new is kind of a disappointment, those high points are admittedly pretty high. And there is one (two?) big difference between this new trailer and the first one that got released: boobs. Lots of them. Pretty much the first 30 seconds of this ad consists of bare boobs on display while a narrator tries his best to talk in a gravely, Christian Bale voice. So if you’re not at work or anything, and you haven’t seen a trailer for this movie yet, you should probably make it a point to watch this one. Because things are always better with boobs.

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There hasn’t been much good news surrounding Piranha 3DD so far. From the very beginning, the fact that Alexander Aja and his writers weren’t coming back for this sequel to their delightfully nihilist 2010 film was a disappointment. Then the studio started monkeying with the release date, a sure sign that signals were crossed and expectations weren’t being met at some level of the production. It got to the point where it was pretty easy to write Piranha 3DD off as a missed opportunity before anyone had ever even seen it. But this new trailer that Shock Till You Drop has dug up throws a monkey wrench in those plans. How could anyone hate a movie with a cast like this? First off, Christopher Lloyd returns as the crazy scientist, which is something that should happen in about every third movie made. Secondly, David Koechner is playing the owner of a water park who has hired strippers for life guards. Thirdly, they’ve included David Hasselhoff, who shows up playing himself, but while dressed in his Baywatch gear. Then you also have to consider the fact that Katrina Bowden seems to have a baby piranha in her vagina, the only thing that can stop these fish may be Gary Busey biting their heads off, and eventually things get so bad that Ving Rhames has to go all Planet Terror and pull out a set of gun legs.

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When the news recently broke that the Piranha 3D sequel Piranha 3DD was going straight to video in the UK, I speculated whether this meant that the movie wouldn’t get put into theaters anywhere at all. After all, it had already gone from an original November 2011 release date to a release of “sometime in 2012.” Doesn’t sound promising, right? Well according to Piranha 3DD co-writer Patrick Melton, it’s not yet time to panic. When talking to Daily Dead Melton said of the movie’s postponement, “To clarify, the Thanksgiving release was always overly optimistic. Marcus and I started writing the script around Thanksgiving a year prior. Making the film within that time period is plausible (we’ve done it on Saw, obviously), but it became clear very early on that our goals were not realistic because we needed sun, water slides, and bikini-clad coeds…three things not very prevalent in the United States during the months of January and February. We initially scouted Louisiana and realized that we wouldn’t be able to shoot until late March because of the cold weather. Now, with the additional FX worked needed to create/enhance the piranhas, the Thanksgiving release was out the window.” That’s certainly a reasonable excuse for why a movie would get pushed back. But what of that dreaded “sometime in 2012” release? Doesn’t that sound like a movie that is doomed to purgatory? Melton has some info on that as well.

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The 3D reboot of Piranha from 2010 was one of my favorite movies of that year. And I don’t usually much like horror stuff, especially winky, self-aware horror parody: that means they did something very right. So word of a followup should have been great news. But as soon as Piranha 3DD was announced as re-teaming the creative team behind the Project Greenlight winning horror film Feast rather than re-teaming the creative team that already worked so well together on a Piranha movie, director Alexandre Aja and writers Pete Goldfinger & Josh Stolberg, I was dubious. The next hint that this movie wasn’t going to turn out so great came in October, when Piranha 3DD was scrapped from having its planned November 2011 release and was instead marked with the ominous “sometime in 2012” release date instead. It was starting to look like the writing was on the wall, that Dimension didn’t have much faith in the film and that it was now residing in limbo, probably until an eventual straight to home video release. Well, it looks like the next step toward making that doomed future a reality has happened. It’s looking like the UK has now become the first market to scrap a theatrical release plan for Piranha 3DD in favor of dumping it onto disc. According to the British Video Association website, March 19th is the day it will happen. Unless this is a mistake by the BVA site, this means that not very many people will […]

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The bad news for fans of horror just keeps piling up. Currently we’re dealing with an October that is painfully devoid of new horror releases in the theaters, and now a couple of movies that were supposed to be coming our way in the upcoming months are getting pushed back. Piranha 3DD was supposed to hit theaters on November 23rd and The Amityville Horror: The Lost Tapes was originally set to be released on January 27th, but they’re now both relegated to the vague release dates of  “sometime in 2012.” Both films are Dimension releases, so perhaps the reason for the pushback is some juggling on the corporate level, but I think we’ve all been following movies long enough to suss out what this probably means; it probably means they suck. The original Piranha 3D was great fun, but instead of bringing back the creative team from that film, Dimension instead got the hacks that collaborated on the terrible (in my opinion, argue if you disagree, I know there are some of you out there) Feast to handle this sequel. And the new Amityville movie, it’s supposed to be one of those found footage films. Anybody remember how boring Apollo 18 was? Yeah, I’m trying to forget too. I’d have to say that all signs are pointing to both of these movies turning out pretty bad. I mean, Amityville was already set to be put out in the film release wasteland of January, and now they’re not even comfortable putting […]

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What is Movie News After Dark? It’s waiting to watch the latest episode of Community because it promised its girlfriend it would. And that’s really hard to do, because that show’s really good. Also, Josh Holloway from Lost guest stars in the two-part season finale. How can that be resisted by the world’s most interesting nightly movie news linkdump? Must… hold… on… Must… do… the news… Quentin Tarantino went big when he cast Brad Pitt as his lead in Inglorious Basterds. So to see him considering Will Smith as the titular character, a freed slave trained by a German bounty hunter that sets out on a quest to save his wife from a head slave, is an act of pure bravado — he’ll just go get anyone he effing pleases to star in his movies, won’t he? And if that wasn’t enough to blow your mind, consider this: Christoph Waltz is said to be circling the role of the German trainer, with Samuel L. Jackson in consideration as the bad guy. That’s potentially a perfect storm of awesome, so we’ll see.

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After taking the world by storm as 30 Rock‘s airy, often charming secretary Cerie and being named Esquire’s 2011 Sexiest Woman Alive, Katrina Bowden has set her sights on becoming fish food for the somewhat anticipated horror spectacle sequel Piranha 3DD. A press release confirmed this morning that Bowden will join the likes of Gary Busey, Danielle Panabaker and Matt Bush in the 3D killer fish film, which is due out on November 23. It won’t be Bowden’s first walk on the wild side of horror though, as she starred alongside Alan Tudyk and Tyler Labine in Eli Craig’s excellent scary hillbilly comedy Tucker and Dale vs. Evil. For those who don’t remember, that’s the festival-traversing horror comedy we (and almost every other writer on the planet) have been raving about since it debuted at Sundance in 2010. It’s still yet to see a release, which makes me sad. But hopefully the rise of Bowden, who is featured prominently in the film, will help get it into theaters or at the very least, onto DVD. In the mean time, Bowden will likely be eaten by several angry fish.

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What is Movie News After Dark? Tonight it’s a movie news column stunned by its author’s ability to find all that is cool and interesting in the world of film. Seriously, this might be the best one of these lot that he’s put together in over 150 tries. It’s almost as if he’s ready to graduate to a “mediocre” rating as a news aggregator. Then he can begin acquiring spells and executing more advanced quests before he can join a proper guild and go on raids. Gore Verbinski may finally have found his Lone Ranger in the form of The Social Network star Armie Hammer. He is currently in talks to take the lead alongside Johnny Depp, who’s already been cast as Tonto. He’s got the look (and damn, the voice as well), but the challenge for Hammer will be the fact that there’s only one character to play in the film. Unless Verbinski carries over the “multiple Jack Sparrow” sequences from his Pirates of the Caribbean work.

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What is Movie News After Dark? It’s all business tonight. Movie news, fascinating articles, at least 12-minutes of grown men screaming. All business, baby. Vulture has an interesting piece on how Jeremy Renner landed the Bourne franchise, essentially boiling it down to the Hurt Locker star winning Matt Damon’s sloppy seconds. All-in-all, the guy will probably make an excellent action star. He’s one hell of a last-ditch effort for director Tony Gilroy.

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It’s being reported by Bloody Disgusting that filming is scheduled to begin for the sequel to 2010’s Piranha 3D sometime at the end of May. John Gulager will direct, and it will see him reteaming with Feast writers Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan. The film’s title insinuates that there will be an increased focus on 3D bosoms for the sequel, but in addition to that, some other plot details have become known as well. This time the story will detail the prehistoric piranha’s voyage through a town’s plumbing system and into their local water park named ‘Wilderness Waters’. Seeing as the first one was set at a spring break hot spot and this one is set at a public water park, I don’t see where they’re going to get the chance to focus as much on T&A, but my heart definitely goes out to them as they give it the old college try. The film’s release date is currently set as November 23rd.

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Coroner

After a pretty dismal 2010 in terms of horror films, I decided to look into my crystal ball and peer into the future. By the future I mean 2011. While gazing deep into my crystal ball laptop monitor, I feel fairly confidant that 2011 will be approximately 78% better in terms of horror than the previous year. Why do I feel more confident in this year’s horror slate? Because in trying to find just 11 titles to bring attention to, I had to whittle it down from sixteen. Why not give you all sixteen? Because it’s 20-eleven, not 20-sixteen, duh. Anyway, here are the 11 horror films to keep on your radar this year.

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