Paul Kersey

Junkfood Cinema - Large

Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; death wish, thy name is Baconator. You’ve wandered foolishly down the back alleys of the internet, and arrived in a really bad neighborhood. By that, I of course mean a neighborhood full of reprobates with a predilection toward criminally bad movies. Sure, the denizens of the dilapidated JFC tenements will surround the movie and stomp it liberally with mockery, but that’s simply the initiation. Surviving the onslaught of snark indoctrinates said bad movie into the gang, and much streetwise love is subsequently lavished upon it. That’s when we crack open a six-pack of Twinkies, or some other disgustingly tasty food themed to the movie, and chase away all semblance of respectable taste. This week, we strap on a Kevlar vest we know won’t at all save us and prepare to stand toe-to-toe with Paul Kersey. Who’s Paul Kersey? If you don’t know his name it only means you haven’t crossed him yet…or that you haven’t seen any of the Death Wish movies. Paul Kersey is Charles Bronson, and Charles Bronson is the soft-spoken angel of mustachioed death. He has had arguably the worst luck as a husband and father. First, his wife and daughter are sexually assaulted by a gang of Jeff Goldblum-led punks, which are the worst type of punks, then his wife is murdered and his daughter goes catatonic. But wait, there’s so, so much more. He moves to a new town and, wouldn’t you know it, his daughter (just out of the […]

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published: 04.16.2014
B-
published: 04.14.2014
B
published: 04.14.2014
A-
published: 04.14.2014
C

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