Nudity

In a recent E! article about the nudity that’s going to be on display in the upcoming, Amanda Seyfried-starring biopic of 70s porn star Linda Lovelace, Lovelace, one of the film’s producers, Patrick Muldoon, made some hilariously hypocritical comments that were clearly designed to drum up interest for the film based on promising Seyfried’s boobs, but which still try to paint the people making the movie as serious artists who would never do such a thing. He starts off the interview by promising that the film is going to be“very risqué,” but then adds out of the other side of his mouth that it’s also “not about the nudity.” It’s not about the nudity because, according to Muldoon, “it’s profound, the performance that she’s giving…she’s doing such an amazing job. We’re about two weeks into filming, and the movie’s going to be incredible.” If that’s the case, then great, but why are we talking about the nudity at all? Don’t worry, it gets better. Muldoon shows what deep thinkers they are over at Eclectic Pictures by saying, “thematically, it’s talking about how abusive the porn industry was to Linda Lovelace.” He then goes on to clarify, “yes, there’s a lot of nudity, but it’s a message movie about respecting women.” So in order to make a movie about the exploitation of women that goes on in the porn industry and to send a message about how we need to respect women, you’ve hired a hot young actress, paid her to be […]

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Why Watch? This year, the city of Talinn, Estonia created 60 Seconds of Solitude in Year Zero, an experimental film project which saw a bunch of different directors from all over the world create a one-minute short film which would play a grand total of one time in front of an audience before the sole 35mm copy was burned along with the screen it played on. Fortunately, digital copies weren’t off limits. Be warned that Adam Wingard‘s entry, Ultra Modern, features nudity and sadness but also be warned that it carries a sort of uneasy beauty, a vibrancy that can leave you cold, and an abruptness that makes it difficult to access. Simply put – it’s uncharacteristically abstract. What’s more, I’m not so sure it’s meant to be understood. What does it cost? Just 1 minute of your time. Trust us. You have time for more short films.

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Feel free to stand up from your seat and slow clap while loved ones and strangers stare, because one studio has decided to slap the stigma of the NC-17 rating right in its moronic little face. As we all know, that stupidity is two-fold. The first is in its existence in the first place. A betting man or woman could win easy money that most don’t even know that the NC stands for No One 17 and Under Admitted (because there’s a confusing C in there), but it might as well just stand for No Children. There’s an absurdly thin line between R and NC-17 that becomes all the more apparent when you hear a screaming 4-year-old in the theater where Jason Statham is beating a dude to death on screen before banging down Amy Smart’s doors. Come to think of it, the No Children of NC sounds pretty good in those cases. The second part of the stupidity surrounding the rating (which inherited its bad reputation from the X rating that it morphed into), is in the connotation that some doomed by Puritanical high horsemanship slather onto it. Yes, NC-17 means adult, but there’s also nothing wrong with making a film for an adult audience. Those that don’t think so, aren’t adults.  In a way, the rating’s reputation does a small service in weeding out those too emotionally, psychologically or sexually infantile to handle a solid adult drama (no matter their age). Sadly, that small service is a life […]

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31 Days of Horror - October 2011

We continue our journey through a month of frightening, bloody and violent films. For more, check out our 31 Days of Horror homepage. Synopsis: Miriam and John Blaylock (Catherine Deneuve and David Bowie) share a passionate longtime love affair, traveling the world and indulging their mutual taste for classical music and the blood of the living. Although John’s love for Miriam might last forever, his youthful vigor will not. After centuries at Miriam’s side, he begins aging at an accelerated rate. Like Miriam’s many past paramours, John seems doomed to a fate worse than death. Under the guise of finding a cure, Miriam begins courting her next conquest – sleep researcher Dr. Sarah Roberts (Susan Sarandon).

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Boiling Point

No matter what I say below, know this: I will see Shark Night 3D. There are no press screenings, no DVDs mailed to my home. I will head out to a theater to watch it because I love sharks and I love watching people get eaten by them. So to be extra clear: I haven’t seen the film yet. No one has. But still, I’m going to bitch about it, because that’s how I roll. Why? Well, because it’s easy to get mad at this film. It’s rated PG-13. I mean, if there ever was a title for a hard R-rating, it’s Shark Night 3D. After all, Piranha 3D, which was probably instrumental in green lighting this late entry to Shark Week, was well received because of its gore. Its nudity. Its generally over the top nature. Without Jerry O’Connell getting his dick bit off and two hot, naked women swimming for six minutes, that film is a pile of crap. The blood makes it – and the PG-13 rating for Shark Night might break it.

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While nudity is generally regarded as an awesome thing, the fact of the matter is that it’s just not necessary for a lot of movies. Enter the gratuitous nude scene, where an actress strips down to her birthday suit for reasons completely unrelated to the plot. Frequently, these roles are covered by B- and C-list stars who like to add an extra zero to their check in exchange for giving the movie-going audience a thrill. While many big name actresses refuse to do nudity — a totally respectable choice, don’t get me wrong — some change their minds when there’s a chance their career can benefit from it. When those women go for a gratuitous nude scene, it usually takes one of four forms:

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I can still remember the first time I watched a sexy movie with my mother as an adult. She made one of those comments that stay with you forever: “Only the English let their fat old men walk around naked.” I looked over at her, shocked by her observation. Until that moment I hadn’t even thought my mother knew what a fat, old man looked like naked and, two, that she had a breadth of English movie knowledge large enough to make that remark. Well, before I could recover she followed that statement up with “I mean, you look at him laying there, all limp and unexcited, and you say to yourself ‘I never want to have sex. That doesn’t look fun at all.’” And with that, I died on the spot. The film in question was The Governess, starring Mini Driver as a, you guessed it, governess and Tom Wilikison as her employer and man she eventually begins an affair with. A movie so bland and forgettable I had to ask my mother before writing this if she could even remember that story or even what movie. Without missing a beat, she jumped right back on her soap box and reiterated her original statement, which still makes me both laugh and cringe. It also brings up an interesting point. Why is it so common for European films to feature realistic situations with full-frontal male nudity, whereas that remains one of the few light taboos in American cinema? And when […]

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If you’re like me, you watch the Super Bowl for one reason: you can eat as many fried mac ‘n’ cheese balls as you want without so much as a dirty look. If there’s another reason to watch, it’s because Puppy Bowl has gotten repetitive. If there’s a third, it’s the commercials – specifically the movie trailers. Most of the movie trailers this year gave just a bit more insight into trailers we’ve already seen, but a select few (like Transformers 3 and Super 8) gave us our first look into the worlds being created for the big screen. Fortunately, like the PSAs that get to air for free during the big game, these movie trailers also taught us a lot. Especially about the trends of 2011 that are already emerging. Here are just ten things we learned.

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Our worst fears have been realized. Not only is there a third entry in the Lake Placid franchise, but it contains videographic proof that cartoon crocodiles have come to life and are attacking topless young women. Either that, or their CGI budget was $3.50. This looks like a truly awful cinematic experience, leading me to believe that The Asylum had something to do with it. However, in the same way that you’d rather watch an Asylum trailer than really watch the movie, this trailer has everything it takes to put a smile on your face. As long as you’re older than 18, because there’s a bit of nudity. Really blatant, over-the-top nudity.

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Episode: “The Middle East is Complicated” (Season 2, Episode 7) Synopsis: Tanya gets more advice, and some compassion, from a real pimp while Ray searches for the secret to retaining clients without being attacked over his neutral view on Middle Eastern politics. Review: This episode started off on a most excellent note: a fully nude Lenore (Rebecca Creskoff). She was looking fantastic and not ashamed to strut around Ray’s burned out husk of a home showing it all. If they worked this into every episode, I’d be a happy man. The only thing that could improve upon that would be a nude neighbor Yael scene. She shows up, but fully clothed. You win some, you lose some.

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Do you enjoy swordfights, ancient Rome, and boobs? I thought so. Those are the main ingredients of Spartacus: Blood and Sand which premieres January 22nd on Starz.

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If you want a touch of horror with your serving of kink and sex then “The Hunger” just may satisfy your cravings.

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Hardcore sex? Check. Violence? Check. In moving seamlessly between Porn Week and 31 Days of Horror, check out this review of the ground-breaking and original series, Amateur Porn Star Killer.

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In our fourth Porn Week Feature, we explore the best films to have on in the background while exploring your partner. Please try not to silently judge us.

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Does it seem like we’re using the release of Zack and Miri Make a Porno to have a special Porn Feature? Well, it should. Because we are.

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In our first feature for Porn Week, we explore the beauty of sex scenes on film by sharing our favorite ten.

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