Nicky Whelan

eOne Entertainment

I’m no expert in the Book of Revelations, but I’m pretty confident in my knowledge of the end times and the dispensationalist concept of the Rapture. Basically, everyone’s favorite deity strips all of Earth’s children naked and sucks them (along with some adults for chaperon duty apparently) up into the sky leaving the rest of humanity to face years of struggle, darkness and demonic antics. That sounds bad enough, but according to the new film Left Behind it actually gets worse. It seems god also sucks up all of the fun, entertainment, sense of pacing and quality screenwriters. Rayford Steele (Nicolas Cage) is an airline pilot excited for his imminent flight to London where he’ll get to attend a U2 concert with a sexy flight attendant (Nicky Whelan), and he has no intention of letting his wife and daughter ruin the occasion. Chloe (Cassi Thomson) has returned home from college for his birthday, but when Ray chooses Hattie the stewardess over his recently born-again wife Chloe realizes this is “the saddest day of her life” even though she did get to chat with a famed TV journalist named Buck Williams (Chad Michael Murray). And then the Rapture hits! [Sad trombone.] To be clear, Left Behind is not a bad movie because of its Christian plot lines and concepts. It’s a bad movie simply because no one involved in its production cared to make a good one.

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While fear of flying isn’t exactly a unique phobia, most people who suffer from (ten dollar word coming up) pteromerhanophobia are afraid of understandable and traditional stuff, like heights or being in a confined space or plummeting to their deaths in a giant aluminum tube or being like Devon Sawa in Final Destination (chilling). Normal fears! But for those of us who have somehow managed to avoid classic flying phobias, director Takashi Shimzu (The Grudge) seems dead-set on making sure no one views air transportation as a safe option ever again. In 7500, Shimzu has gathered a predictably second-tier cast (including Ryan Kwanten, Leslie Bibb, Nicky Whelan, Jerry Ferrar, Christian Serratos, Jamie Chung, and Amy Smart) as the terrifyingly good-looking passengers on a jet bound for Tokyo. As if a ten-hour flight doesn’t sound hellish enough, weird occurrences start happening on the plane, and not “weird” as in “drunk guy jumping on drink cart,” but “weird” as in “supernatural and homicidal and evil and oh my God what was that?” That sort of thing. Take your Xanax, fasten your seatbelts, move your trays into the upright and locked position, and check out the first teaser trailer for 7500 after the break.

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published: 11.21.2014
D
published: 11.21.2014
B+
published: 11.19.2014
C+
published: 11.19.2014
B-, C


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