Nazis

Wolfenstein

Producer Samuel Hadida announced at the American Film Market that he and Panorama Media have put a plan together to finally bring us a movie version of all those classic Wolfenstein video games. A few years ago Pulp Fiction writer Roger Avary was attached to this project, which was then titled Return to Castle Wolfenstein, but some personal issues derailed the film before it could get off the ground. Well, fret not, because Avary has been brought back to write and direct, and the film, now just titled Castle Wolfenstein, is once again ready to go.

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Meet your new fear: Time-Traveling Nazis. An band of Australian movie misfits has decided to continue the legacy of Brian Trenchard-Smith and other down under heroes of exploitation by sending Nazis into the future. It’s an idea close to Iron Sky‘s Moon Nazi concept, but the results look far different. And far more low rent. With Asylum-level effects, The 25th Reich from director Stephen Amis made our list of interesting projects out of Berlin, and now the trailer promises not to take itself too seriously. With an SS spider-robot squeaking out “Heil Hitler!” it would be hard to. The movie focuses on an elite squad of US soldiers in the outback given a task by OSS to travel in time and save the future from those spider-robots and their Nazi overlords. It looks aggressively cheesy. But hopefully that’s part of the fun. Check out the trailer for yourself:

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The promise of Iron Sky is a great and wondrous one. It’s Moon Nazis. Moon Nazis, people. Swirl it around in your mind for a moment. Those two words alone should put enough fuel in the car to get it to the theater, but with a concept like a Fourth Reich hiding on the dark side of the moon, the movie can only take one of two paths. Sadly, all too sadly, it takes a wrong turn and ends up riding the highway all the way into the city dump at the end of it. Stupid, cheap and aiming above its IQ, this movie is the bad kind of garbage. It goes without saying that there’s a good kind. Some of the best spoof movies have fallen under that category. Like all tones, there are right and wrong ways to handle them, and although director Timo Vuorensola‘s long-awaited sci-fi explosion of bizarre alternate history starts off with decent overacting and wacky antics, it forgets its B-Movie roots halfway through. That’s its fatal mistake. Not that it was headed for greatness early on, but it was at least headed for the kind of mild enjoyability that makes bad movies worth watching. Udo Kier is Kortzfleisch, the new dictator. Julia Dietze is the Earth Expert and schoolteacher, Renate Richter, who’s convinced that the Nazi way is the way of peace. Götz Otto is Klaus Adler, the next in line to rule with an impotent anger. Christopher Kirby is James Washington, the black […]

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Listen, everybody knows that eventually a world-beating threat is going to come out of its hiding place on the dark side of the moon and try to take over Earth. That’s just obvious. What the upcoming SXSW midnight movie Iron Sky does is present our eventual moon-birthed doom with an interesting twist. It asks the question, what if the hulking space armada that eventually threatens the well-being of free folk everywhere is actually the Nazis regrouped and back for a second go-around at world domination? Crap, why didn’t I think of this before? Of course this is what the Nazis have been up to! Energia Productions have been teasing this movie for quite a while now, but now that it’s ready to hit the festival circuit, they’ve hit us with a full-length trailer that, more than any thing else, proves how far you can stretch a $10m budget if you’re absolutely, batshit crazy. This movie seems to have all sorts of spaceship stuff, all sorts of battle sequences, myriad cities being destroyed; and it’s all presented alongside that patented, iconic production design that only the Nazis can pull off. Give the new Iron Sky trailer a look to see just how warped in the head our Nazi overlords are, and what sort of over-the-top tech they’ll be using to blow us all to smithereens. It doesn’t hurt to be prepared, right?

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Junkfood Cinema

Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; home of the fried food advent calendar. As December marches on, here at JFC it’s beginning to look a lot like Type-II diabetes.  We are back yet again to roast a particularly horrible cinematic chestnut on the open fire of relentless mockery as you struggle to keep the terrifying Jack Frost from trying to bite pieces of your face off; seriously, how scary is that song? But then, I will sugarcoat that same chestnut (plum? bag of mixed metaphors?) with genuine adoration until you are confronted with the unconquerable desire to take me off your Christmas card list and add me to the one enigmatically marked “People to Letter Bomb.” To make your season especially bright, in much the same fashion that nuclear blasts are quite luminous, I will then pair the film with a festively tasty, disgustingly decadent snack food item. Today’s figgy pudding of shame: Elves.

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Tom Hanks and Gary Goetzman’s Playtone company has, along with help from Universal, optioned the next big Hanks-starring vehicle. This one will be an adaptation of a novel called “In the Garden of the Beasts” and will see Hanks traveling back in time to Nazi Germany to play U.S. ambassador William Dodd. Dodd, along with his socialite daughter Martha, were fully engrained in the upper crust of Berlin back in 1933, right when things were starting to get crazy there but before everybody knew just how crazy. Dodd and his family lived amongst the Nazis, with his daughter even having an affair with a Gestapo official, but eventually conflict arose when they started to become more and more aware of the violence and evil that was happening right under their noses. Couple of real detectives, those two. “In the Garden of the Beasts” was written by Erik Larson, who is also known for “The Devil and the White City,” which told the life story of Dr. H.H. Holmes, a Chicago serial killer who murdered a bunch of World’s Fair guests from out of town in a hotel that he had built to be a funhouse of torture and terror. That book has been optioned by Leonardo DiCaprio and his people, so, you know, Larson is building up quite the lucrative career of writing creepy books and then selling their film rights to huge movie stars. Good for him. It’s always nice to see a weirdo make good. I hope he […]

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With the entire original run of The Twilight Zone available to watch instantly, we’re partnering with Twitch Film to cover all 156 episodes. Are you brave enough to watch them all with us? The Twilight Zone (Episode #10): “Judgment Night” (airdate 12/4/59) The Plot: A sweaty man finds himself on a boat drifting through the seas of 1942 without knowing how he got there. Fortunately, the boat is about to be attacked by Nazis. The Goods: There’s something to be said for the uncharacteristically slow burn that this episode offers in contrast to the rest of the series. Especially when seen as the original audience would have seen it – directly after a frenetic, ranting nightmare the week before – this take on the eternal loop of punishment watches turtles race by it. Yes, there’s something to be said for the pacing, but that’s almost all this lagging story has going for it.

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“I don’t believe in magic, a lot of superstitious hocus pocus. I’m going after a find of incredible historical significance and you’re talking about the Boogieman! Besides, you know what a cautious fellow I am.” Anybody who has watched any amount of the History Channel knows that Hitler was obsessed with the occult. What this movie presupposes is that he probably lost the war because he diverted too many of his resources towards the doomed goal of acquiring the Ark of the Covenant, which in case you didn’t know, is the chest that contains the original stone tablets on which the ten commandments were written. According to religious hocus-pocus, any army that marches while carrying the Ark would be unstoppable on the battlefield, as they would have the endorsement of the good Lord Himself. So what does the U.S. government do when faced with the task of racing the Third Reich to unstoppable power and endless influence? They hire an archeology professor from Marshall College, one of the most rough and tumble adventurers in the world, to go out and find it first. They get Indiana Jones. The only problem with the plan is that the key to finding the Ark is in the possession of one of his ex-girlfriends, and she’s kind of a crazy drunk.

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We named the dog Indiana. The highest grossing film of 1981 has since become a modern legend after launching a series of films that are beloved by millions. The hat, the whip, the swagger, Steven Spielberg and Harrison Ford introduced the world to a man who was smart enough for the classroom and rough enough to fistfight pirates. This trailer is an epic look at that man’s adventure, trying to recover a radio for speaking to God.

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With the anniversary of the announcement of Hitler’s death yesterday, and the announcement that Larry David will be playing a nun named Mengele, it’s obviously Nazi day around here, and what better way to celebrate than with a killer new teaser for Frankenstein’s Army. Unlike other movies that have to start filming before showing off a trailer, the forthcoming horror film from director Richard Raaphorst seeks to sell you on the bit before even cranking up their cameras (that’s how cameras work, right?). We showcased the first teaser, which feature a lot of found footage grave robbing from WWII, but this trailer (courtesy of Twitch) shows a lot more polish. It’ll be interesting to see how Raaphorst marries the real footage together with what he shoots.

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A&E and The History Channel produce some of the best documentary content, and, like Tom Cuny, WWII seems to be where they shine the brightest. Their newest offering is Third Reich: Rise & Fall tells the story of the Nazi regime from footage from the people that lived it. Sadly for Rob Hunter, this contest isn’t open to FSR staff. Fortunately for you, it’s open to you (if you live in the United States (sorry other countries)). So how do you win four hours of educational and entertaining Nazi goodness? I’m glad you asked:

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Your weekly fix of great movies made before you were born that you should check out before you die. This week’s Old Ass Movies celebrates the nonsense of the best American comedians of all time. Groucho, Harpo and Chico move in on Bogart’s territory by setting up camp at a hotel in Casablanca, mocking Nazis, playing with a toupee, and remembering to set their watches.

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We all know that Nazis loved making lampshades out of people, but they apparently also really dug 3D filmmaking as well. If that isn’t the real nail in the coffin for its popularity, Walter Murch certainly doesn’t stand a chance in killing it. According to The Guardian, an Australian filmmaker Philippe Mora has discovered two short movies made by Nazi Germany in 1936 that were shot in 3D. One of them was Avatar. How spooky is that? Actually, one is about bratwurst on the fire and the other was called Six Girls Roll Into Weekend, so what it’s about is anyone’s guess. Fortunately, these movies are bound to be featured in Mora’s documentary How the Third Reich Was Recorded. The piece suggests that the Germans were ahead of the game when it came to 3D, but the first confirmed 3D film is still all American (and dates back to 1922). Sure, the Golden Era wasn’t until the 1950s, but finding two German flicks doesn’t scream Golden Era either (especially since they might have had their minds on something other than eye-popping movies). Regardless of whether it’s universally groundbreaking or not though, it’s still a fascinating discovery, and it sounds like a compelling documentary.

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Oh, Hitler. What will that wacky dictator think of next? He’s become such a web celebrity (or welebrity if you’re a moron) in recent years, that most high school students probably don’t even realize he initiated the deaths of millions upon millions and millions of people. Those same high school students probably also don’t realize that Hitler once had the Nazi forces dig up dead bodies in order to reanimate them. Because he didn’t. Even though I now choose to believe he did. Back in 1995, Richard Raaphorst directed a short called Zombi 1, and it looks like he’s trying to get back to those genre roots (and a job as a director) with Frankenstein’s Army. Raaphorst has done a healthy bit of work as a conceptual artist and title designer, but he’s yet to tackle a feature length film as a director. That needs to change immediately based solely on the teaser trailer for his undead Nazi faux-documentary:

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Told from Death’s perspective, a young girl is taken into foster care in Munich after her mother is imprisoned in the Dachau concentration camp for being a Communist.

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First announced back in May of 2007, Iron Sky was pure genius from day one. Everyone loves a good sci-fi battle flick, and everyone loves to see Nazis get their asses kicked, so a flick featuring space Nazis leaving their swastika-shaped moon base and swarming towards Earth seems like a no-brainer.

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Looking to rebound off his first career failure, Steven Spielberg is looking for a passable archaeologist/professor/Nazi killer. He thinks he’s found him with actor Tom Selleck, a man you probably don’t know by name, but will probably say “aaaahhh, yeah” when you see him.

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The answer won’t surprise you. Especially if you’re a regular reader of this site.

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If you were to pitch a film to me based on just two words, you’d be hard pressed to find a better pair than “Nazi zombies.” A few that come to mind are “Bloody tits” and “Sorority massacre” but Nazi zombies is definitely up there. Who wouldn’t be psyched for a whole bunch of undead Nazis getting a little bit of the old smashy-stab to the brain? It just so happens that those crazy fuckers in Norway had the same idea and brought us Dead Snow, an imperfect movie about a perfect idea, spattered with humor and intestines.

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The Coroner bones up on his knowledge of Nazi Occultism for a little canoe trip towards chaos on the shores of Blood Creek.

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